Out of the Mouths of Babes

I think I'd better give a bit of fair warning on this post. If the words "boobs" and "breasts" cause your face to turn bright red, then you may want to skip over this post and check back tomorrow. But, if you have kids, then you've probably already been where I am... so read along.

Here's the deal... Eli has become obsessed with breastfeeding. He saw some people doing it in the church nursery, so now he's really into it. No, not literally. My four and a half year old is safely on the cup, but it's just something that really started interesting him. I guess maybe it's because he was never breastfed. Do you think kids internally/subconsciously mourn that - especially maybe children who were adopted? I don't know... but what I do know is that now I've had to go through every single animal in the book and discuss how they do or don't get milk from their mommas.

"Mommy, do cows breastfeed? Do kangaroos? Do alligators? What about dogs? And zebras? And coyotes? Do coyotes breastfeed? What about geckos? Do they drink mommy's milk? And snakes, and cats, and buffaloes, and lizards, and yada yada yada"

and my personal favorite...

"If babies drink cows milk, then do cows drink people milk?"

How do I explain to my four-year old that humans are the only mammals that drink milk from other mammals? And then, isn't that a bit gross when you think about it? You don't see a dog nursing from a gorilla do you? Or a colt from a cat? Ewwww.

The point being, though, is that Eli is all about the boob. The other day he came into the bathroom with Nandini's stroller. And inside was Nandi's giant pink bunny rabbit... and at the very bottom was Noah's monkey. But you couldn't see the whole monkey. Eli just had the head of the monkey sticking out between the bunny rabbit's legs. Well, naturally, my eyebrows raised and I said, "Eli. What's monkey doing?" And he just looked at me like I was an idiot... "He's drinking his mommy's milk".

Let me tell you, I was so proud of myself. I didn't make a big deal of it. I just calmly reached over and scooted that little monkey's head up a few inches and said, "You're right, Eli!" and he smiled, turned around, and rolled the stroller away.

Whew. Crisis averted.

So, then the next day, we got our Gospel for Asia newsletter in the mail. Each Christmas the kids pick out a birthday present for Jesus (usually a charitable donation) and this past Christmas they each bought chickens to send to India. (Okay, I have to apologize right now for the lack of transition. Yeah, I'm sure you're wondering how I can go from Eli's "boob" story to talking about Jesus - all in the same breath - but I assure you there's a connection). Sooooooooooo.. we got our newsletter in the mail and it had an article about some families who had received Christmas presents from GFA supporters. There was an article about a family who received chickens and how they're are able to make money from selling eggs. There was a neat mention about a lady who is paralyzed from the waist-down and unable to work, but received a hand-operated sewing machine and is now learning to be a tailor - and then there was a story about a family who received a water buffalo...

Well, Eli is also super into buffaloes at the moment. I'm not sure where he comes up with all this... but that's his new animal kick. So, I showed him the article and said that now this family can make money by selling the buffalo milk... to which he cried...

"That man is NAUGHTY!!! He's a BAD man!! He STOLE that milk. THAT MILK IS FOR THE BABY BUFFALOES!!!"

I tried explaining that the man's children won't starve anymore because of that milk... but he said

"YEAH, BUT THE BABY BUFFALOES WILL STARVE!!!" and then proceeded to bawl his eyes out.

Sigh.

Well. Let me just say that whatever Eli is into at the moment, so is Nandini. She is Eli's little follower... she adores him and wants to do whatever he's doing. So if Eli is into boobs, then so is Nandini.

And let me say, I don't know where they learned the word boob. Eli did go to daycare for a few months when we lived in Tennessee. I do remember that he started calling me a poopoo-head around that time, so maybe that's it. I don't think it was from me. It's not exactly a word that slips into my everyday conversation.

And that brings me to yesterday. We went to Studio Movie Grill to watch a free screening of Horton Hears a Who (awesome movie, by the way) and we were sitting there, enjoying the movie, when suddenly - out of nowhere - one of the characters calls the other character a boob.

And my heart just sunk. Because I know my children so well.

Nandini suddenly bolted up and shouted,

"Boob, Mommy. Boob! Boob! Boobies! Boooooo-beeeeeees!!! Booooooo-beeeeeees!!"

and then, completely unexpectedly, she turned around, yanked my shirt over the top of my head, pointed to my chest and said

"Mommy's boobies! Mommy's boobies!"

Thankfully, this was a movie theater and not Mardi Gras (not that it'd make a difference, Mom!!!) and I had on the appropriate undergarments. But, still, I think the sight of my bare stomach might have frightened a few small children. And caused some of the parents to giggle. Although I'd like to think they were laughing at a funny part in the movie... but I'm not too sure.

The point is.... if you haven't had a baby yet... do yourself a favor and breastfeed them. Nip that curiosity in the bud so that when they turn 3, they don't embarrass you by yanking your shirt up over your head in public. Although, I have personally witnessed a few breastfed two-year olds do the same thing to some friends of mine.... so we may just have to suck it up and realize it's a natural curiosity. And if you have a boy..... well.... boob fascinations are just in their genetic DNA. That's a fixation that lasts a lifetime.

What? You found this post offensive??? Awww... come on.... don't be a boob!

Leslie