Oh my goodness... how on earth has it been 2 months since I last blogged? Someone warned me that when I started homeschooling that I could kiss my blog goodbye. She was right... I rarely have any free time to sit down and type anymore. I construct all these elaborate blog posts in my head, but they never make it to the computer. And then before you know it, 2 months have passed by and you don't even know where to begin.
So, I'll try to start somewhere...
We officially started homeschooling at the beginning of January. The first week was heaven. The second week was hell. And the third week was the same. By the fourth week, things started to even out and we have started to find a rhythm. It's NOTHING like I thought it would be and at the same time, it's everything I hoped it would be.
I think my biggest fear was that I would go crazy being around the kids all day. And that's hard to admit because it just sounds so awful. But, if you want to know the truth, I was one of those moms that hated the weekends, looked forward to Monday mornings, and couldn't wait until her kids were old enough to ship off to Camp Wanatoka or Tawokoni or whatever it is way up north for three whole months in the summer.
It's not that I didn't love my kids, but I had a hard time dealing with their issues. And, believe, I already know that I have a ton of issues myself, so I'm not solely blaming my children's behavior for the way I was feeling. But the constant complaining and screaming and fighting and fears and anxieties and homework battles and insecurities just about drove me insane. I didn't know how to handle it and I was doing a pretty poor job of pretending.
But, despite those feelings, and as crazy as this sounds... because I know I probably just made myself sound like the worst parent ever... I did have a deep maternal instinct and love for my kids and I knew that homeschooling was the best option for them. Our family was going downhill... fast... and Sim and I both felt that bringing the kids home was the only solution that would save us and keep our family together. And I loved my kids enough to bring them home, even though I was terrified about what it was going to do to me. I mean, I knew it was the best thing for them, but I wasn't so sure it was the best thing for me.
So, we brought the kids home in January and the strangest thing happened.... after our rough patch, things started to settle down. And I started to realize that my kids are pretty cool. I mean, they're really, really funny. And they have the most creative ideas. And they're actually really sweet and kind and just generally awesome. And Nandi and Eli.... who actually hated each other... are best friends. They play together all the time. And the change in them is remarkable....
Eli's anxiety has almost disappeared. Not completely... I mean... that kid definitely has an anxiety issue.... but his behavior has completely changed now that he's not stressed out so much. We used to complain that his teachers got the best of him and we got the leftovers, and that's pretty much how it was when he was in public school. He'd hold it together and then get home and explode and have huge meltdowns. We still see them. I mean, he does not like school ( he has a ton of learning issues that make him feel "stupid" and he doesn't even want to try half the time), and it's definitely a battle. I can't lie about that. I'm slowly learning how to handle and preempt his almost daily explosions over schoolwork, but the rest of the time he's great. He is so good with Naveen.... it's been amazing to watch. And he tries to help Noah.... and he plays so well with Nandi. They still fight.... and sometimes I question myself over the decision to pull them out of school... but, for the most part, they're doing really well.
Nandi has really surprised me. We had been getting a lot of leftovers with her, too. In my last blog post, I wrote how she was so jealous of Naveen that she'd come home from school and just melt down..... screaming, pulling her hair, clawing at her chest. It was horrible. And that jealousy of Naveen is still there.... and we have had one or two episodes that just made my heart sink... but she's loves to do school work and is probably the hardest worker I've ever met. She is a homeschooling mom's dream. She wakes up, does her work, asks for more... I mean, it's nuts. A total change from Eli. She even asked me today if she could go to "Chess Camp" this summer. She's in piano and just started soccer and is already asking to join Girl Scouts and 4-H. She blows me away. She's totally game for anything. Eli, on the other hand, wants to do absolutely nothing, but Nandi is a real trooper. She does still have some issues with Naveen and we have to watch the two of them sometimes because we have seen some old sneaky habits crop up... The "accidentally" pinching or tripping or knocking over. But, Naveen has fast become a little tattle-tale, so Nandi's not able to get away with much. But despite all of this, the good outweighs the bad and we know that we definitely made the right decision for our family with homeschooling. We're going slow... truthfully, we've only been doing Spelling, Reading, Writing, and Literature for the last 7 weeks. We're just now introducing Math, and, most weeks, with all of our therapy and doctor's appointments, we're only managing 3-4 days of school a week. So, we'll definitely have to do school year round in order to keep up, but we've seen way to many emotional gains to really worry about it right now.
As for Naveen and Noah... well, I'll have to do another blog to update about them. Otherwise, this one will never end! Both are doing great, though, and I'm constantly aware of how much time I'm able to spend with the two of them. There's quite a bit of guilt going on with that... especially with Noah because his one on one attention time has been cut drastically, but we are making a valiant effort to improve his health, and with that, we're seeing some minor improvements. I finally got around to making my bone both! Cool and gross at the same time. And don't get me started on the fermented cod liver oil and raw liver shooters I've been taking. I decided to take them first to see how they tasted before I tried them with Noah... and after taking them I realized that there's no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that I'd ever get them down Noah's throat. But I did read that you can rub fermented cod liver oil on a child's butt and it will absorb just as well as if they take it orally. So, poor Noah's little behind smells like a can of sardines... but there's been some studies on fish oil provoking speech in children with apraxia... and, by golly, if Noah hasn't started babbling and saying a few one-off words. Nothing consistent, but he's said a few words here and there and that's given us enough hope to continue making our house smell of rotten fish. And if I can somehow grind that liver up and hide it in his veggie/rice concoction then maybe he might start reciting the entire alphabet. Who knows. Anyway, practically all my time is spent either homeschooling or researching different types of healing foods and that's why I haven't been on here lately. (By the way, did you know that if you leave water kefir out to ferment too long that it turns to alcohol? Yeah. It might be a good idea to test it first before you give it to your kids....)
Okay, I've written way too much. And without pictures. I know! I've violated every blogger rule. So, hopefully, it won't be two more months before I blog again. But, rest assured that we are doing great. We still have rough patches and we've quickly learned the truth of the motto, "It's a marathon, not a sprint". And, well, we all have really high hopes for the future. I know that homeschooling's not for everyone and that it looks different in every family, but if you're considering it then I think you should go for it. It just might turn out to be best thing you could do for your family. It definitely saved ours... =)
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, December 31, 2012
Out With the Old and In With the New (Homeschooling!)
I have started and restarted this post a million times. I started it being serious and I started it being funny and then I'd erase it each time because I didn't want to offend anyone... because the truth of the matter is this - when you talk about your educational decisions for your kids, some people are going to get offended. And I hate offending people or causing controversy or any sort of discomfort whatsoever. But here it is... we've decided to pull out Nandi and Eli from public school, and next week, we will start homeschooling them.
I'm going to be the first to admit that I'm a bit of an educational snob. I am extremely pro education. I love to read and I love to research and I love to think that my kids will go off and get advanced degrees and discover how to clone people and make robotic machines that will do all the laundry and fold it and put it away so I will never have to do it ever again.
I have high , if somewhat slightly unrealistic, hopes for my kids.
It never occurred to me that I would have kids with learning issues or emotional issues or health issues. I always assumed, from a very young age that any children I had would excel in school, join the debate team, graduate in the top 10% of their class, get a Bachelor's degree, join the Peace Corps, come back and do a one year Rhodes Scholarship to England and get their Master's degree, start a career and get a PhD at night while working on their career.
No, I'm not joking. Why do you ask?
I used to look down on homeschoolers. Not actual homeschoolers... you know, the ones who actually home school. But the ones whose moms made sure their daughters learned to cook and, oh my word, sew, because why on earth would you need to learn to do something like that when that's precisely why God invented tailors and old ladies? Why would you want to learn how to quilt when you can buy brand new duvets at Bed, Bath, and Beyond? And is learning how to make ten different types of breakfast casseroles really going to advance your career? Unless you run a restaurant?
There are moms out there whose sole goal for their daughters is to learn how to bake, budget, and raise a baby. That's their goal. No college, no career. Just get married and raise a family and run a household.
There are moms out there whose sole goal for their sons is for them to grow up, get married, and get a job at the local water company or electric company or local plant. No college. No world travel. Just get married and raise a family and provide for the household.
And, you know, I'm really ashamed to admit this, but I kind of looked down on that. Not the people themselves, but those goals. I've always said that I want more for my kids. I want more for my daughter. I want her to go to college and see the world and be anything she wants to be.
And then I had a daughter who has attachment problems. And learning issues. And who is so jealous of her little brother, who gets to stay home with me everyday, that at least 4 times a week, her jealously spirals into rage and anguish and she will stand in the middle of the living room floor screaming at the top of her lungs, and ripping off her clothes, and clawing at her chest, and pulling at her hair. And she doesn't know how to regulate. And she doesn't know how to calm down. Because in her mind.... her mind... I love him more and I will leave her one day and I will abandon her one day and she is not worthy.
That's when we started to question.... how can you possibly work on attachment if your child is away from you for 8 hours a day? And how can you work on attachment if that child is so consumed with feelings of jealousy and unworthiness that she sabotages every hour that she is home?
At what point does a child's emotional welfare trump a child's education??
We could send Nandi to school and she could learn to divide fractions and write essays and eventually graduate from high school, but is it worth it if she doesn't know how to establish and maintain relationships? If her feelings of worthlessness are so strong that she turns to the first boy that says she's pretty? If she tries to fit in by hanging out with the wrong crowd? By trying to get our attention, because in her mind any attention is better than no attention, by skipping school and failing?
I know it sounds crazy because she's only 8, but parents who've been in our situation know that these aren't crazy thoughts. These are realities for our children. We see things every day that would shock you. These are strong possibilities if true attachment is not made.
Nandi is so insecure that I can't even begin to explain it. She has no friends. Zero. None. And that's not an exaggeration. She does not know how to make friends, how to act around friends, or how to keep friends. She has an auditory processing disorder and a speech delay that makes communication very difficult. She's in second grade and has a reading level of 12. Despite being in 2 hours of pull out classes and tutoring... daily..she is failing reading. And then she comes home and takes it out on us.
At the same time, as much as she tries to push us away, I think she'd spend every minute of every day in my lap if she could. She wants to be by me, lean on me, or sit on me every minute of the day. After two years of successfully sleeping in her own room, she has moved her mattress next to my side of the bed and sleeps there every single night. Sometimes she wakes up screaming that "The worries are on me! The worries are getting me! Get them off, Mommy. Help me!" And my heart breaks and I wonder what her first three years were like and I know that she needs to be with me now.
And I think about those moms whose who are at home teaching their girls how to bake. I think about how they're teaching their daughters how to be good wives and mothers and I think that maybe I was a little too quick to judge. And I think that maybe they had the right idea all along. Because isn't togetherness and security and family really what it's all about?
Don't get me wrong. I'm going to teach Nandi how to do math and how to read. She'll learn all about science, and because I'm a history buff, she'll probably learn more history than she ever wanted to know. We'll do a proper curriculum and take tests at the end of each school year. But I also plan to teach her how to cook. And teach her how to do laundry and teach her how to look after a house. Because my goals for her have changed. Because her history and her personality have necessitated this change. Because baking and budgeting and doing chores together means that we'll be spending time together and I think that's the one thing she wants and the one thing we need more than anything.
I hope she'll go to college someday. And I hope she'll join the Peace Corps someday. And I'm still holding out that maybe she'll invent that robot that will ensure I never have to do laundry again. But, above all, I hope she'll be able to find love someday. And keep that love. And have friends. Real, true friends. And I hope she'll be successful no matter what she chooses to do. And know that we love her and that she's worthy no matter what she chooses to do.
And I know it'll be hard. And to be honest, I'm scared to death. I'm actually more scared about homeschooling Eli than I am about Nandi. And about ignoring Noah. And about the huge big mess Naveen will create while we're doing our school work. The whole thing terrifies me. But I think it's the one thing that my kids need right now. And we don't have a lot of money. And we don't have a fancy house. And we don't have much of anything, really. But we have time. Lots of time. So that's what 2013 is going to be about this year. Time and family and attachment and togetherness and love.
And possibly teaching my kids to learn to love math and science so they can invent that robot one day that will ensure I never have to do laundry ever again.
I'm going to be the first to admit that I'm a bit of an educational snob. I am extremely pro education. I love to read and I love to research and I love to think that my kids will go off and get advanced degrees and discover how to clone people and make robotic machines that will do all the laundry and fold it and put it away so I will never have to do it ever again.
I have high , if somewhat slightly unrealistic, hopes for my kids.
It never occurred to me that I would have kids with learning issues or emotional issues or health issues. I always assumed, from a very young age that any children I had would excel in school, join the debate team, graduate in the top 10% of their class, get a Bachelor's degree, join the Peace Corps, come back and do a one year Rhodes Scholarship to England and get their Master's degree, start a career and get a PhD at night while working on their career.
No, I'm not joking. Why do you ask?
I used to look down on homeschoolers. Not actual homeschoolers... you know, the ones who actually home school. But the ones whose moms made sure their daughters learned to cook and, oh my word, sew, because why on earth would you need to learn to do something like that when that's precisely why God invented tailors and old ladies? Why would you want to learn how to quilt when you can buy brand new duvets at Bed, Bath, and Beyond? And is learning how to make ten different types of breakfast casseroles really going to advance your career? Unless you run a restaurant?
There are moms out there whose sole goal for their daughters is to learn how to bake, budget, and raise a baby. That's their goal. No college, no career. Just get married and raise a family and run a household.
There are moms out there whose sole goal for their sons is for them to grow up, get married, and get a job at the local water company or electric company or local plant. No college. No world travel. Just get married and raise a family and provide for the household.
And, you know, I'm really ashamed to admit this, but I kind of looked down on that. Not the people themselves, but those goals. I've always said that I want more for my kids. I want more for my daughter. I want her to go to college and see the world and be anything she wants to be.
And then I had a daughter who has attachment problems. And learning issues. And who is so jealous of her little brother, who gets to stay home with me everyday, that at least 4 times a week, her jealously spirals into rage and anguish and she will stand in the middle of the living room floor screaming at the top of her lungs, and ripping off her clothes, and clawing at her chest, and pulling at her hair. And she doesn't know how to regulate. And she doesn't know how to calm down. Because in her mind.... her mind... I love him more and I will leave her one day and I will abandon her one day and she is not worthy.
That's when we started to question.... how can you possibly work on attachment if your child is away from you for 8 hours a day? And how can you work on attachment if that child is so consumed with feelings of jealousy and unworthiness that she sabotages every hour that she is home?
At what point does a child's emotional welfare trump a child's education??
We could send Nandi to school and she could learn to divide fractions and write essays and eventually graduate from high school, but is it worth it if she doesn't know how to establish and maintain relationships? If her feelings of worthlessness are so strong that she turns to the first boy that says she's pretty? If she tries to fit in by hanging out with the wrong crowd? By trying to get our attention, because in her mind any attention is better than no attention, by skipping school and failing?
I know it sounds crazy because she's only 8, but parents who've been in our situation know that these aren't crazy thoughts. These are realities for our children. We see things every day that would shock you. These are strong possibilities if true attachment is not made.
Nandi is so insecure that I can't even begin to explain it. She has no friends. Zero. None. And that's not an exaggeration. She does not know how to make friends, how to act around friends, or how to keep friends. She has an auditory processing disorder and a speech delay that makes communication very difficult. She's in second grade and has a reading level of 12. Despite being in 2 hours of pull out classes and tutoring... daily..she is failing reading. And then she comes home and takes it out on us.
At the same time, as much as she tries to push us away, I think she'd spend every minute of every day in my lap if she could. She wants to be by me, lean on me, or sit on me every minute of the day. After two years of successfully sleeping in her own room, she has moved her mattress next to my side of the bed and sleeps there every single night. Sometimes she wakes up screaming that "The worries are on me! The worries are getting me! Get them off, Mommy. Help me!" And my heart breaks and I wonder what her first three years were like and I know that she needs to be with me now.
And I think about those moms whose who are at home teaching their girls how to bake. I think about how they're teaching their daughters how to be good wives and mothers and I think that maybe I was a little too quick to judge. And I think that maybe they had the right idea all along. Because isn't togetherness and security and family really what it's all about?
Don't get me wrong. I'm going to teach Nandi how to do math and how to read. She'll learn all about science, and because I'm a history buff, she'll probably learn more history than she ever wanted to know. We'll do a proper curriculum and take tests at the end of each school year. But I also plan to teach her how to cook. And teach her how to do laundry and teach her how to look after a house. Because my goals for her have changed. Because her history and her personality have necessitated this change. Because baking and budgeting and doing chores together means that we'll be spending time together and I think that's the one thing she wants and the one thing we need more than anything.
I hope she'll go to college someday. And I hope she'll join the Peace Corps someday. And I'm still holding out that maybe she'll invent that robot that will ensure I never have to do laundry again. But, above all, I hope she'll be able to find love someday. And keep that love. And have friends. Real, true friends. And I hope she'll be successful no matter what she chooses to do. And know that we love her and that she's worthy no matter what she chooses to do.
And I know it'll be hard. And to be honest, I'm scared to death. I'm actually more scared about homeschooling Eli than I am about Nandi. And about ignoring Noah. And about the huge big mess Naveen will create while we're doing our school work. The whole thing terrifies me. But I think it's the one thing that my kids need right now. And we don't have a lot of money. And we don't have a fancy house. And we don't have much of anything, really. But we have time. Lots of time. So that's what 2013 is going to be about this year. Time and family and attachment and togetherness and love.
And possibly teaching my kids to learn to love math and science so they can invent that robot one day that will ensure I never have to do laundry ever again.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Merry Christmas From Our Family to Yours
Our family would like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
May you get lots of kisses under the mistletoe, Nutella in your stocking, remember the reason for the season, and stay up to watch the ball drop.
We're ending this year with the flu (all of us!), lots of school meetings, tons o' school drama (more about that later!), and more medical bills than I care to count (another hospital stay for Naveen just last week!!).
But this year also brought our missing puzzle piece (Naveen!), new friends, old friends, the loving and continued support of our family, exciting travel, and lots and lots of laughs.
May we continue to be so blessed in 2013. Happy Happy Joy Joy and a big Ho Ho Ho!
From our family to yours, Meeeerrrry Christmas!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
A Quick Update on Naveen
Just wanted to let everyone know that Naveen came home from the hospital late Saturday night. He was diagnosed as having an ESBL strain of Klebsiella Pneumoniae. It's a super bug and only responds to a few antibiotics. Fortunately, it's responding to the two that Naveen is currently taking.
He'll be on IV antibiotics until Dec 5 and I'm administering them every 8 hours. Let's see... does anyone really think I'm competent and organized enough to handle that?? I flushed his IV with blood thinner the first go around and forgot to clamp his IV shut, but he made it through in one piece. I've got it down pat now, although I feel completely and utterly sleep deprived. I'm usually in bed by 9, but have to stay up until 11 for his night dose and then get up at 5.15 am for his morning dose. And I'm such a light sleeper that I wake up every time Eli goes to the bathroom at 3 on the dot and can never go back to sleep. The kids will tell you that I'm just a little cranky lately. 4 hours of sleep is detrimental not only to my health, but everyone's around me!
He's doing so much better now. Feels better. Acts better. The kicking and screaming upon waking is GONE. He was just miserable these last 5 weeks since his surgery. I actually forgot how active he is when he's feeling well. He is 0-60 in a heartbeat. That boy... I tell ya... he keeps me on my toes!
Speaking of toes, this is what Naveen did when I asked him to go put his shoes on yesterday.
He's taken a liking to the box of rubber gloves that the home health agency sent us. Isn't he cute??!! (I keep telling myself that over and over again as I clean up glasses of water that he's dumped on the floor, clean clothes that are dumped on the floor, books that are dumped on the floor... do you see a theme here?)
If you're the praying type, please keep Naveen in your prayers. His nephrologist is pretty sure this bacteria will come back and says it will damage his kidneys more and more each time it occurs. He sent Naveen home with a peripheral IV instead of a pic line because he wanted those veins to remain untouched in case his kidneys get damaged enough to need dialysis in the future.
Well, I had to make this quick because I'm about to help Noah make some chocolate chip banana bread. He's found a new hobby.. .baking! This is a picture of the bread that Noah made yesterday (from a bread machine, but not a packet)...
I really do need to do a huge update on Noah. I'm way overdue. Part of it is because I don't know where to begin and part of it is because I'll have to admit that I've done jack all in regards to homeschooling this year. I like to blame it on the fact that it's hard to homeschool when you have a very active 3 year old in the home, but I know people who have 10 kids and still manage to get it all done. For the record, I am not one of those people!! Wish I was, but the reality is that I'm a very poor manager of time. And a queen of excuses. Did I tell y'all that I have an honorary PhD in Excuseology? It's a real degree, I swear!
But, anyway, hopefully I'll get a Noah update on here soon. In the meantime, we've got some cooking to do!
He'll be on IV antibiotics until Dec 5 and I'm administering them every 8 hours. Let's see... does anyone really think I'm competent and organized enough to handle that?? I flushed his IV with blood thinner the first go around and forgot to clamp his IV shut, but he made it through in one piece. I've got it down pat now, although I feel completely and utterly sleep deprived. I'm usually in bed by 9, but have to stay up until 11 for his night dose and then get up at 5.15 am for his morning dose. And I'm such a light sleeper that I wake up every time Eli goes to the bathroom at 3 on the dot and can never go back to sleep. The kids will tell you that I'm just a little cranky lately. 4 hours of sleep is detrimental not only to my health, but everyone's around me!
He's doing so much better now. Feels better. Acts better. The kicking and screaming upon waking is GONE. He was just miserable these last 5 weeks since his surgery. I actually forgot how active he is when he's feeling well. He is 0-60 in a heartbeat. That boy... I tell ya... he keeps me on my toes!
Speaking of toes, this is what Naveen did when I asked him to go put his shoes on yesterday.
He's taken a liking to the box of rubber gloves that the home health agency sent us. Isn't he cute??!! (I keep telling myself that over and over again as I clean up glasses of water that he's dumped on the floor, clean clothes that are dumped on the floor, books that are dumped on the floor... do you see a theme here?)
If you're the praying type, please keep Naveen in your prayers. His nephrologist is pretty sure this bacteria will come back and says it will damage his kidneys more and more each time it occurs. He sent Naveen home with a peripheral IV instead of a pic line because he wanted those veins to remain untouched in case his kidneys get damaged enough to need dialysis in the future.
Well, I had to make this quick because I'm about to help Noah make some chocolate chip banana bread. He's found a new hobby.. .baking! This is a picture of the bread that Noah made yesterday (from a bread machine, but not a packet)...
I really do need to do a huge update on Noah. I'm way overdue. Part of it is because I don't know where to begin and part of it is because I'll have to admit that I've done jack all in regards to homeschooling this year. I like to blame it on the fact that it's hard to homeschool when you have a very active 3 year old in the home, but I know people who have 10 kids and still manage to get it all done. For the record, I am not one of those people!! Wish I was, but the reality is that I'm a very poor manager of time. And a queen of excuses. Did I tell y'all that I have an honorary PhD in Excuseology? It's a real degree, I swear!
But, anyway, hopefully I'll get a Noah update on here soon. In the meantime, we've got some cooking to do!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Naveen's First Thanksgiving
I think whether you're pregnant or in the midst of an adoption, you can't help but mark each holiday in terms of what will happen "next year". "Next Christmas, she'll be here." or "Next Easter he'll be here." A year ago, as we were gathered with our family at my aunt's house, I was telling anyone who would listen, "Next Thanksgving, Naveen will be here!" and I imagined him sitting in my lap, all dressed in orange and brown (my favorite colors on my Indian babies), tasting pumpkin pie for the first time, and holding hands while we said grace. Never in a million years did I imagine that he'd be spending his first Thanksgiving in the hospital.
He's doing fine. It's nothing too serious. He just caught some sort of a bacterial super bug that can only be treated with IV antibiotics. We should, hopefully, go home on Saturday or Sunday, with an IV in and a home nurse will stop by to give him his antibiotics for the next week or so.
This hospital stay is completely different than our stay last month. He's not on pain meds this time around, so he's completely lucid and he does NOT want to be here. No amount of Barney, bribing with Pringles, or watching the Disney channel will change his mind. He wants to go home! And in a way, I should be really glad about that. He has a home to go to. He has a family to go to. This sweet little boy wants to go home. Now!
Today, I'm going to be thankful that I'm able to be here with Naveen. I think about all of his hospital stays in India and I'm so thankful that he now has a Momma that he can hold onto and lean on and scream at that he " wants to go home. Now!" And this Momma is so thankful her little boy is home this year.
And as I look over at him, all huddled against me on the pull out couch, running a hot wheel up and down my arm, and asking to play a game.... I can't help but think to myself that this might actually be my best Thanksgiving ever.
And that we can't wait to go home.
Now!
May you all have a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving.
He's doing fine. It's nothing too serious. He just caught some sort of a bacterial super bug that can only be treated with IV antibiotics. We should, hopefully, go home on Saturday or Sunday, with an IV in and a home nurse will stop by to give him his antibiotics for the next week or so.
This hospital stay is completely different than our stay last month. He's not on pain meds this time around, so he's completely lucid and he does NOT want to be here. No amount of Barney, bribing with Pringles, or watching the Disney channel will change his mind. He wants to go home! And in a way, I should be really glad about that. He has a home to go to. He has a family to go to. This sweet little boy wants to go home. Now!
Today, I'm going to be thankful that I'm able to be here with Naveen. I think about all of his hospital stays in India and I'm so thankful that he now has a Momma that he can hold onto and lean on and scream at that he " wants to go home. Now!" And this Momma is so thankful her little boy is home this year.
And as I look over at him, all huddled against me on the pull out couch, running a hot wheel up and down my arm, and asking to play a game.... I can't help but think to myself that this might actually be my best Thanksgiving ever.
And that we can't wait to go home.
Now!
May you all have a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Getting Back on Track
Update - Oh my word! Never underestimate the power of 3 hours of homework a night to completely upset your whole schedule. Soooo many things not getting done this week. We are REALLY struggling with Eli's learning issues and his homework. Everything makes sense now that we know what's going on and we're desperately trying to find a way to help him learn. I am really praying about homeschooling right now. Those who know me fear for me.. and my kids! haha. Our family dynamics are not the best for homeschooling. Each child would do good on their own, but all together.. all day long? But I am spending several hours a day reteaching what they're learning in school AND I spend ALL my time trying to figure out ways to teach them in the way that they learn mess. It's a jumbled mess right now. Ideally, I'd like them in school so I can devote some time to Noah and Naveen, who don't get much attention when the other two come home from school. But at this point, they may end up failing and being held back next year. Decisions... Decision... Decisions...
Back when I was working, I had my daily routine down pat. I'd get to work and make my one and only cup of coffee for the day and I'd hang around the microwave talking to my coworkers about what happened on last night's episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Party of Five (am I dating myself here??) and then head to my office. Once there, I'd check my email and my voice mail and my inbox. I knew exactly what work needed to be done for the day, what meetings I had scheduled, what phone conferences I had to participate in. And, sure, sometimes things didn't go as planned. Sometimes, I'd have to meet with students or an angry parent, but life, for the most part, was running pretty smoothly.
That's something that hasn't been happening in the 9 years that I've been home. My one cup of coffee has increased to five or six. I stay in my sweats until 3pm, and basically feel that life is one big free fall and I'm walking in circles without really accomplishing anything.
I do my best when I have a schedule and a plan, and, lately, I feel that so much is being thrown at me that I'm in danger of just sitting on the couch all day and wondering how it got to be 5 o'clock so soon. So, today, at least, I've decided to make a schedule for the week. Not minute by minute or even hour by hour... just a list of things that need to get done, written out in one place, with no pressure to get it all accomplished today or even tomorrow. But having that list will help me see everything that needs attention and, hopefully, will help me prioritize things a bit better this week These are not the only things that need to be done, but things I need to pay special attention to...
Appointments
Urologist - DONE!
Nephrologist - DONE!
Chiropractor - DONE!
Brain Gym - DONE!
Occupational Therapy 2x -DONE!
Noah's Stroller Fitting
Piano for Nandi - DONE!
Pediatrician for Naveen's UTI - DONE!
Classmates Birthday Party (Nandi)
Around the House
Clean Bathrooms
Sweep 4x
15 minute kitchen clean-up before bed
Laundry - every day
Dust
Organize Laundry Room
Organize Nandi's clothes. Go through hand-me-downs and pass on the ones that are too small and box up the ones to grow into - DONE!
The Kids
Work on the 5's multiplication tables with Eli -DONE! (And ongoing.. huge drama!!)
Math homework with Nandi - DONE!
Spelling words for Nandi and Eli on M,T,W, Th - DONE! (Test is Thursday instead of Friday)
Try Lavender essential oil with Eli for anxiety - DONE! (Forgot about his sensory issues involving smell. Oops! Must come up with something else...)
Finish the 3rd Percy Jackson book with Noah and start on A Wrinkle in Time DONE!
Read to Naveen before bed each night
Play Zingo with Noah and Naveen 2x
Do puzzles with Naveen 5x
Do Noah's neurodevelopment exercises 5x (and have Mozart playing in the background while doing so and clove/orange/lemon essential oil mixture in the diffuser)
Read next Story of the World chapter to Noah
Finish Howliday Inn on CD during trips to appointment DONE! Next up, A Celery Stalks at Midnight. (All Bunnicula books)
Do math with Noah at least 1x (Math is my weakness.. doing it at least once will be an improvement!)
Let Noah and Naveen play with the bean tubs at least 2x and shaving cream 2x
Make fingerpaint
Go for a walk with Naveen and Noah 2x by ourselves and 2x with Daddy
Give Elderberry extract to Nandi and Noah
Clip nails for all 4 kids - DONE!
For Me
Make green juice (head of romaine, 4 cups of spinach, kale, one cucumber, handful of parsley, slice of ginger, and tsp of cayenne pepper) 3 x
Drink apple cider/honey tea (2tsp of Bragg's Apple Cider + 2 tsp of honey in 8oz of water) 5x
Errands/Misc Things to Do
Drop off copy of learning disability testing to school - DONE!
Make bone broth
Teach Nandi how to make Congo Squares (not healthy at all, but her favorite dessert and handy to eat in the car this week)
Write a Thank You note DONE!
Complete Naveen's 1st CARA report and mail off to Holt
Send birthday present to niece Ffion in England DONE!
Buy birthday present for Nandi's friend
Pick up raw milk from local Mennonite Farm - DONE!
Research
GAPS diet
Diane Craft (for learning disabilities)
Pocket camera for Nandi's Christmas
Making homemade cough syrup (currently looking at this onion/honey mixture - Nandi is our Cough Queen)
We have such a busy week this week that I'm not even sure we can get it all done, but writing it all out makes it seem much less intimidating and makes my head seem much less cluttered!
I wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments on my last post. You know.. the one where I had a mental breakdown on my blog?? Thanks for the sweet words and suggestions (Heather, you rock!!). And to Anonymous, who suggested that maybe "Gotcha Day" was offensive to my kids... I didn't take offense at all to your suggestion... and please don't worry... I didn't think you were rude at all. Thanks for the input. Because I'm an over researcher, I'd heard about this before and we sit down each "Gotcha Day" and talk about it with the kids. Right now, they're totally fine with the term because it's the day we "got them", but we'll change it if/when they want. The important thing is to make sure the kids feel comfortable... and to celebrate the day that we all became a family.
I'm off to print off my to-do list and get busy! Have a good week!
Back when I was working, I had my daily routine down pat. I'd get to work and make my one and only cup of coffee for the day and I'd hang around the microwave talking to my coworkers about what happened on last night's episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Party of Five (am I dating myself here??) and then head to my office. Once there, I'd check my email and my voice mail and my inbox. I knew exactly what work needed to be done for the day, what meetings I had scheduled, what phone conferences I had to participate in. And, sure, sometimes things didn't go as planned. Sometimes, I'd have to meet with students or an angry parent, but life, for the most part, was running pretty smoothly.
That's something that hasn't been happening in the 9 years that I've been home. My one cup of coffee has increased to five or six. I stay in my sweats until 3pm, and basically feel that life is one big free fall and I'm walking in circles without really accomplishing anything.
I do my best when I have a schedule and a plan, and, lately, I feel that so much is being thrown at me that I'm in danger of just sitting on the couch all day and wondering how it got to be 5 o'clock so soon. So, today, at least, I've decided to make a schedule for the week. Not minute by minute or even hour by hour... just a list of things that need to get done, written out in one place, with no pressure to get it all accomplished today or even tomorrow. But having that list will help me see everything that needs attention and, hopefully, will help me prioritize things a bit better this week These are not the only things that need to be done, but things I need to pay special attention to...
Appointments
Noah's Stroller Fitting
Classmates Birthday Party (Nandi)
Around the House
Clean Bathrooms
Sweep 4x
15 minute kitchen clean-up before bed
Laundry - every day
Dust
Organize Laundry Room
The Kids
Read to Naveen before bed each night
Play Zingo with Noah and Naveen 2x
Do puzzles with Naveen 5x
Do Noah's neurodevelopment exercises 5x (and have Mozart playing in the background while doing so and clove/orange/lemon essential oil mixture in the diffuser)
Read next Story of the World chapter to Noah
Do math with Noah at least 1x (Math is my weakness.. doing it at least once will be an improvement!)
Let Noah and Naveen play with the bean tubs at least 2x and shaving cream 2x
Make fingerpaint
Go for a walk with Naveen and Noah 2x by ourselves and 2x with Daddy
Give Elderberry extract to Nandi and Noah
For Me
Make green juice (head of romaine, 4 cups of spinach, kale, one cucumber, handful of parsley, slice of ginger, and tsp of cayenne pepper) 3 x
Drink apple cider/honey tea (2tsp of Bragg's Apple Cider + 2 tsp of honey in 8oz of water) 5x
Errands/Misc Things to Do
Make bone broth
Teach Nandi how to make Congo Squares (not healthy at all, but her favorite dessert and handy to eat in the car this week)
Complete Naveen's 1st CARA report and mail off to Holt
Buy birthday present for Nandi's friend
Research
GAPS diet
Diane Craft (for learning disabilities)
Pocket camera for Nandi's Christmas
Making homemade cough syrup (currently looking at this onion/honey mixture - Nandi is our Cough Queen)
We have such a busy week this week that I'm not even sure we can get it all done, but writing it all out makes it seem much less intimidating and makes my head seem much less cluttered!
I wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments on my last post. You know.. the one where I had a mental breakdown on my blog?? Thanks for the sweet words and suggestions (Heather, you rock!!). And to Anonymous, who suggested that maybe "Gotcha Day" was offensive to my kids... I didn't take offense at all to your suggestion... and please don't worry... I didn't think you were rude at all. Thanks for the input. Because I'm an over researcher, I'd heard about this before and we sit down each "Gotcha Day" and talk about it with the kids. Right now, they're totally fine with the term because it's the day we "got them", but we'll change it if/when they want. The important thing is to make sure the kids feel comfortable... and to celebrate the day that we all became a family.
I'm off to print off my to-do list and get busy! Have a good week!
Saturday, November 10, 2012
It's Time to Turn That Frown Upside Down
It's time for another Gratitude post.
What, you say? Another one? Did we just have one of those?
Yes. Yes, we did. But things are crazy and I'm feeling overwhelmed and so I need a bit of perspective.
Again.
About ten years ago, I remember my mom was feeling pulled in all directions. My granny, my granddad, and my great aunt were sick and my mom was the primary caregiver for all of them. She lived thirty minutes from them, but would drive to see them everyday. Shop for them, take them to their doctor's appointments, do their laundry... and still make it home by 5.00 o'clock and have supper waiting for my dad when he got off work. Just two years earlier, she'd undergone chemo for breast cancer and was still living in fear that it would return. Sim and I were in the final stages of Noah's adoption, and my brother and his wife lived 3 hours away. She felt stressed, pulled, and all alone.
That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Just pulled in a thousand different directions and not sure which things to give priority to and which things can wait and which things I can give minimal attention to while keeping the guilt beast away.
We received test results on Thursday for one of our kids. Actually, they weren't that bad. A few months ago, I blogged that we suspected that this particular child was showing signs of mental illness. I didn't post what we were suspecting, but seeing that he doesn't have it, I guess I can go ahead and talk about it. Over the summer, we were pretty positive that this child was showing signs of early onset bipolar. The depression, the anger, and how it all cycled just screamed bipolar to us. It turns out that his psychologist didn't see that at all. In fact, this child was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression, along with a Mathematics Disorder and Disorder of Written Expression.
I should be glad right?
But, in fact, I feel completely overwhelmed. I feel like I have 70,000 languages to learn, when I already speak 50,000. Because I have an all or nothing/bull dog mentality, coupled with my intense love for research, I feel that now I have to learn everything about dysgraphia and dyslexia and dyscalculia. I have to learn what it is and how it effects people and how to help my child learn despite this. I have to learn about education law and Texas education law and IEP's and ARD's and my child's rights. I'm going to have to fight the school, stay on top of the school, and do hours of afterschooling. I have to learn about ADHD and anxiety and depression. I have to learn about alternative treatments and medication and how ADHD meds can increase anxiety and anxiety meds can increase depression and how much more of this can increase before I just completely lose it?
I worry about Nandi and how to guard her heart and help build her self-esteem. I posted a question about this on Facebook last week and received the most incredible answers, but now I feel that I have all these books to read, and things to do, and while I'm trying to figure it all out, I feel that I'm screwing her up in the process.
I panic over Noah, who has decided to start eating sand, and pouring contact lens solution all over his head, and rub toothpaste all over his body and the mirrors, while emptying the hand soap all over the floor. I feel guilty because I'm not feeding him what he should be eating, and I need to learn to make bone broth soup and fermented vegetables and maybe he would do better if I could get him to try raw milk, but he's been off milk for so long that he doesn't like the taste. And maybe if we could afford to buy organic, his skin wouldn't be the way it is and, good gravy, how am I ever going to get him potty-trained?
And speaking of potty-training, will Naveen ever get potty-trained again? And will he ever sleep in his bed? Why can't he say his own name? And will I ever be able to put him down or will his bottom become surgically implanted on my hip? And even though kindergarten is 1 1/2 years away, I can't see him going. He is the most insecure child I've ever met and he is still so afraid that I'm going to leave him.
I need to reread The Connected Child and I need to finish my book on Reading Disorders in Children and am I ever going to finish that book that I started 2 months ago on Saint Augustine for Noah? Will Noah ever talk? Why do speech therapists charge so much money and why do we live far away from one? And why does my 9 year old still fist his pencils like a 2 year old and why does my 3 year old throw fits every single morning?
How do I guard my children's hearts and let them know how wonderful they are? How can we spend one on one time with them when Sim leaves when they wake up and comes home right before they go to sleep? And how do other parents do it? How do parents with 15 kids keep adopting? How do they afford it? Who pays for all those diapers? And they homeschool, too? And they make nutritious meals and their kids actually eat it? And there's no TV in the house? Oh my word, how, how, how, does everyone do it?
I spend so much time worrying, that I'm actually not even accomplishing anything at all. So, I've decided to put finger to keyboard and realize that if I look hard enough... and I don't even have to look that hard... that I can see blessings in all of this...
1. My young child has learning disabilities and anxiety and depression and ADHD.
Okay, we can live with that. Considering that I have a friend dealing with autism and schizophrenia in her household, we're doing okay. There's medication for everything my child has and we can work on diet and a behavior plan... and above all else... at least we finally have answers. We know what we're dealing with, we know now why this child is the way he is, and we can move on from there. So.. yes. Answers. We wanted them. We got them. Let's tackle this thing!
2. I don't know how to do everything for my daughter.
I don't have time to read a ton of books, but I do have time. Today, we made lunch together and she helped Sim out in the garden. Right now, she's gone to Lowe's with him to buy a plant. And Sim plans on teaching her photography, so they can share the same hobby together. What is that people say? How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. We can do that. We don't have a lot of money. But we can always find a way to make time.
3. I don't know how to pay for everything that needs to be done and already has been done. Noah needs speech therapy. Nandi needs an evaluation for learning disabilities and ADHD. The bills for Naveen's surgery are coming in and all four kids need to go to the dentist, while 2 need to see the dermatologist and one has to start seeing a child psychiatrist for possible meds. Three are going to Brain Gym next week, Naveen sees his Urologist and Nephrologist on Tuesday, and . Noah goes to his chiropracter Tuesday afternoon and then gets evaluated for a new stroller on Friday. I have to drive to Dallas four times next week and gas is increasing.
The good news is that three appointments are all on the same day, so that cuts down on gas. I can also head to Whole Foods on one of those Dallas trips and buy some Lavender essential oil and see if that helps with Eli's anxiety. We don't have to get a new stroller for Noah just yet, so if insurance won't cover it, then at least we'll know how much we have to save for and buy it another time. Our Brain Gym teacher only charges $12.50 per child, which is unheard of, and I bought some food on sale this week that I can take with us on these Dallas trips so we don't have to drive through somewhere. And our Neuro-Chiropracter, who I thought we were going to have to stop seeing when he stopped taking our insurance, is still letting us see him and did not increase the fee. That's good, right?
4. I don't know why Naveen is so clingy....
But I am grateful that we learned from Nandi on what not to do and we're really doing everything we can to make sure that he firmly attaches to us. It may seem strange and not right to people on the outside, but I can't think of anything more detrimental to Naveen right now than putting him in his own bed or putting him in Pre-K. He is so emotionally fragile and although I worry that he might be getting spoiled, my mother's instinct tells me that we're doing the right thing. And one thing I've learned in 10 years of being a parent is that I really do need to listen to that instinct more often.
5. I feel that I'm being pulled in 50 different directions and I don't know where to start.
I just need to take a deep breath and continue to do what I'm doing and add things where I can...
I can't do everything at once, but I can hug Nandi more and tell her how special she is and do one on one things with her. I can let her help me in the kitchen more often and play more board games with her. And when I have free-time, I can read up on one of those books that everyone's suggested to me.
I can continue to give Naveen 10 second hugs throughout the day and sit and read to him on the couch. He can continue to sleep with us, while we slowly try to transition to him to his own bed. I can set the timer to remind myself to take him to the bathroom, and do the same for Noah, too. And I can continue to let Naveen do the things he loves to do... help me around the house and just be by my side.
I can continue to read to Noah, put coconut oil on his skin, and do his daily therapies with him. I can work more on therapies I generally hate because they're messy... shaving cream, tubs of bean, and finger paints. I can make a goal of taking him on his bike at least a few times a week, and just spend more time with him.
I can't afford speech therapy right now, but I can work with him on bubbles and brushing his teeth, and blowing cottonballs across the table and maybe making sounds. I can make sure he gets his fish oil and vitamins and maybe once a week learn a new recipe that might help. First up... bone broth!
I can make sure that I work on deep breathing techniques with Eli and see if Lavender oil calms him down. I can work on setting a bit of money aside of each week until we can buy Times Tales to help with his multiplication tables and maybe read one article a night on right brain learning and how to help children with learning disabilities. I can work on making life not seem so overwhelming and work on breaking down instructions or chores into small steps.
I can't do everything, but I can do SOMETHING.
Okay, so this didn't really turn out into a gratitudes post... I'm not really sure what it turned into. But all I know is that I started it out by feeling anxious and overwhelmed, and now I feel that I have a clearer sense of what needs to be done and what can be done at the moment. We still have tons to work on. Tons more to do, but I think we'll make it if I just approach it the same way I would if I had to eat an elephant... one small bite at a time.
I'm off to go take that first bite. Hopefully I'll be back soon to let you all know how it tasted!
What, you say? Another one? Did we just have one of those?
Yes. Yes, we did. But things are crazy and I'm feeling overwhelmed and so I need a bit of perspective.
Again.
About ten years ago, I remember my mom was feeling pulled in all directions. My granny, my granddad, and my great aunt were sick and my mom was the primary caregiver for all of them. She lived thirty minutes from them, but would drive to see them everyday. Shop for them, take them to their doctor's appointments, do their laundry... and still make it home by 5.00 o'clock and have supper waiting for my dad when he got off work. Just two years earlier, she'd undergone chemo for breast cancer and was still living in fear that it would return. Sim and I were in the final stages of Noah's adoption, and my brother and his wife lived 3 hours away. She felt stressed, pulled, and all alone.
That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Just pulled in a thousand different directions and not sure which things to give priority to and which things can wait and which things I can give minimal attention to while keeping the guilt beast away.
We received test results on Thursday for one of our kids. Actually, they weren't that bad. A few months ago, I blogged that we suspected that this particular child was showing signs of mental illness. I didn't post what we were suspecting, but seeing that he doesn't have it, I guess I can go ahead and talk about it. Over the summer, we were pretty positive that this child was showing signs of early onset bipolar. The depression, the anger, and how it all cycled just screamed bipolar to us. It turns out that his psychologist didn't see that at all. In fact, this child was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression, along with a Mathematics Disorder and Disorder of Written Expression.
I should be glad right?
But, in fact, I feel completely overwhelmed. I feel like I have 70,000 languages to learn, when I already speak 50,000. Because I have an all or nothing/bull dog mentality, coupled with my intense love for research, I feel that now I have to learn everything about dysgraphia and dyslexia and dyscalculia. I have to learn what it is and how it effects people and how to help my child learn despite this. I have to learn about education law and Texas education law and IEP's and ARD's and my child's rights. I'm going to have to fight the school, stay on top of the school, and do hours of afterschooling. I have to learn about ADHD and anxiety and depression. I have to learn about alternative treatments and medication and how ADHD meds can increase anxiety and anxiety meds can increase depression and how much more of this can increase before I just completely lose it?
I worry about Nandi and how to guard her heart and help build her self-esteem. I posted a question about this on Facebook last week and received the most incredible answers, but now I feel that I have all these books to read, and things to do, and while I'm trying to figure it all out, I feel that I'm screwing her up in the process.
I panic over Noah, who has decided to start eating sand, and pouring contact lens solution all over his head, and rub toothpaste all over his body and the mirrors, while emptying the hand soap all over the floor. I feel guilty because I'm not feeding him what he should be eating, and I need to learn to make bone broth soup and fermented vegetables and maybe he would do better if I could get him to try raw milk, but he's been off milk for so long that he doesn't like the taste. And maybe if we could afford to buy organic, his skin wouldn't be the way it is and, good gravy, how am I ever going to get him potty-trained?
And speaking of potty-training, will Naveen ever get potty-trained again? And will he ever sleep in his bed? Why can't he say his own name? And will I ever be able to put him down or will his bottom become surgically implanted on my hip? And even though kindergarten is 1 1/2 years away, I can't see him going. He is the most insecure child I've ever met and he is still so afraid that I'm going to leave him.
I need to reread The Connected Child and I need to finish my book on Reading Disorders in Children and am I ever going to finish that book that I started 2 months ago on Saint Augustine for Noah? Will Noah ever talk? Why do speech therapists charge so much money and why do we live far away from one? And why does my 9 year old still fist his pencils like a 2 year old and why does my 3 year old throw fits every single morning?
How do I guard my children's hearts and let them know how wonderful they are? How can we spend one on one time with them when Sim leaves when they wake up and comes home right before they go to sleep? And how do other parents do it? How do parents with 15 kids keep adopting? How do they afford it? Who pays for all those diapers? And they homeschool, too? And they make nutritious meals and their kids actually eat it? And there's no TV in the house? Oh my word, how, how, how, does everyone do it?
I spend so much time worrying, that I'm actually not even accomplishing anything at all. So, I've decided to put finger to keyboard and realize that if I look hard enough... and I don't even have to look that hard... that I can see blessings in all of this...
1. My young child has learning disabilities and anxiety and depression and ADHD.
Okay, we can live with that. Considering that I have a friend dealing with autism and schizophrenia in her household, we're doing okay. There's medication for everything my child has and we can work on diet and a behavior plan... and above all else... at least we finally have answers. We know what we're dealing with, we know now why this child is the way he is, and we can move on from there. So.. yes. Answers. We wanted them. We got them. Let's tackle this thing!
2. I don't know how to do everything for my daughter.
I don't have time to read a ton of books, but I do have time. Today, we made lunch together and she helped Sim out in the garden. Right now, she's gone to Lowe's with him to buy a plant. And Sim plans on teaching her photography, so they can share the same hobby together. What is that people say? How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. We can do that. We don't have a lot of money. But we can always find a way to make time.
3. I don't know how to pay for everything that needs to be done and already has been done. Noah needs speech therapy. Nandi needs an evaluation for learning disabilities and ADHD. The bills for Naveen's surgery are coming in and all four kids need to go to the dentist, while 2 need to see the dermatologist and one has to start seeing a child psychiatrist for possible meds. Three are going to Brain Gym next week, Naveen sees his Urologist and Nephrologist on Tuesday, and . Noah goes to his chiropracter Tuesday afternoon and then gets evaluated for a new stroller on Friday. I have to drive to Dallas four times next week and gas is increasing.
The good news is that three appointments are all on the same day, so that cuts down on gas. I can also head to Whole Foods on one of those Dallas trips and buy some Lavender essential oil and see if that helps with Eli's anxiety. We don't have to get a new stroller for Noah just yet, so if insurance won't cover it, then at least we'll know how much we have to save for and buy it another time. Our Brain Gym teacher only charges $12.50 per child, which is unheard of, and I bought some food on sale this week that I can take with us on these Dallas trips so we don't have to drive through somewhere. And our Neuro-Chiropracter, who I thought we were going to have to stop seeing when he stopped taking our insurance, is still letting us see him and did not increase the fee. That's good, right?
4. I don't know why Naveen is so clingy....
But I am grateful that we learned from Nandi on what not to do and we're really doing everything we can to make sure that he firmly attaches to us. It may seem strange and not right to people on the outside, but I can't think of anything more detrimental to Naveen right now than putting him in his own bed or putting him in Pre-K. He is so emotionally fragile and although I worry that he might be getting spoiled, my mother's instinct tells me that we're doing the right thing. And one thing I've learned in 10 years of being a parent is that I really do need to listen to that instinct more often.
5. I feel that I'm being pulled in 50 different directions and I don't know where to start.
I just need to take a deep breath and continue to do what I'm doing and add things where I can...
I can't do everything at once, but I can hug Nandi more and tell her how special she is and do one on one things with her. I can let her help me in the kitchen more often and play more board games with her. And when I have free-time, I can read up on one of those books that everyone's suggested to me.
I can continue to give Naveen 10 second hugs throughout the day and sit and read to him on the couch. He can continue to sleep with us, while we slowly try to transition to him to his own bed. I can set the timer to remind myself to take him to the bathroom, and do the same for Noah, too. And I can continue to let Naveen do the things he loves to do... help me around the house and just be by my side.
I can continue to read to Noah, put coconut oil on his skin, and do his daily therapies with him. I can work more on therapies I generally hate because they're messy... shaving cream, tubs of bean, and finger paints. I can make a goal of taking him on his bike at least a few times a week, and just spend more time with him.
I can't afford speech therapy right now, but I can work with him on bubbles and brushing his teeth, and blowing cottonballs across the table and maybe making sounds. I can make sure he gets his fish oil and vitamins and maybe once a week learn a new recipe that might help. First up... bone broth!
I can make sure that I work on deep breathing techniques with Eli and see if Lavender oil calms him down. I can work on setting a bit of money aside of each week until we can buy Times Tales to help with his multiplication tables and maybe read one article a night on right brain learning and how to help children with learning disabilities. I can work on making life not seem so overwhelming and work on breaking down instructions or chores into small steps.
I can't do everything, but I can do SOMETHING.
Okay, so this didn't really turn out into a gratitudes post... I'm not really sure what it turned into. But all I know is that I started it out by feeling anxious and overwhelmed, and now I feel that I have a clearer sense of what needs to be done and what can be done at the moment. We still have tons to work on. Tons more to do, but I think we'll make it if I just approach it the same way I would if I had to eat an elephant... one small bite at a time.
I'm off to go take that first bite. Hopefully I'll be back soon to let you all know how it tasted!
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