A Letter To Myself At Twenty

One of my favorite blogs is doing a “Letter to Myself at age 20” and I couldn't resist. So, here we go!

Dear Leslie. Sweet little Leslie.

I know that you’re having a rough time right now, but I want you to know that this year – your 20th year – is going to be one of the most life changing years of your life. This is the year that sets you on the course of your future.

But that happens towards the last half of your 20th year. The first half basically just sucks.

Look, I know that you’re heartbroken right now. But trust me when I tell you that in six months time, you will be living in England and dating the man that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.

The One-That-Broke-Your-Heart? Forget him!!

I wish I could take the pain away, but, honey, I can’t. Your broken heart is what propels you to toss your cares aside and move overseas. If I stop you from that pain, you will never leave. And what’s across the ocean is wonderful. It really is.

In the meantime, just to make you feel a bit better, let me tell you that in 8 years from now, you will run into The-One-That-Broke-Your-Heart and you are going to be shocked at how he looks. Honey, it ain’t pretty. You need to learn that looks fade. And men in their late thirties do not look like they did in their early twenties. The One-That-Broke-Your-Heart is no exception. Plus, he’s gotten all nerdy.

Really. Cherish the good times and move on. He did you a favor. Trust me.

Now, you know that guy I told you that you’re going to meet in England in 6 months from now? Well, let me tell you that 15 years later, he is still smokin’ hot. You did good, girl!

Also, you need to know that Boone’s Farm is NOT your friend. And neither is Red-headed Heather.

Sweetie, you weigh 105 pounds (we’ll talk about that later). You have never touched a drop of alcohol in your life. You do not have a tolerance. TRUST ME.

Do not drown your boyfriend troubles in cheap wine. Do not go to Red-headed Heather’s. She will make you feel like crap and you will consume an entire bottle of wine in 15 minutes. You will then head back to your house where there’s a party going on downstairs and spend the rest of the evening throwing up all over Motorcycle Eric.

Actually, you haven’t met him yet. So, when a guy pulls up to your house with waist-length hair and a motorcycle, turn around and walk away. Otherwise, his admission that you’re too goody-goody for him will have you going over to Red-headed Heather’s and making a very stupid decision.

Besides, you spent two hours puking on him. He saw what came out of your mouth. He is never, ever going to kiss you. So just hang up that daydream and move on.

And let me interrupt and say that the guy I told you’re going to meet in 6 months time… well, he loves your innocence. Now, do ignore him in 7 months time when he invites you back to his dorm room to listen to records. After all, he’s still a guy with only one intention. But he’s a good one. Not like The-One-Who-Broke-Your-Heart and Motorcycle Eric.

Speaking of which, you will run into Motorcycle Eric 6 years from now at the North Texas Irish Festival.

1. He will not remember who you are. Even though I’m sure it took him three days to wash all of your puke out of his hair.

2. You know that loveable charming, goofiness that you found so endearing about him? Sweetie, let me tell you a little secret. It’s called marijuana. And 6 years later he’s still smoking it. And, trust me, it is NOT attractive.


3. He ended up marrying some girl he met in Arizona named Cactus Flower.

And that pretty much sums it up.

Here’s a few other things. Do not cut your hair above your ears again. I know that this is 1993 and the impish waif look is in, but sweetheart, you are not Kate Moss. Or Linda Evangelista. Keep the hair at least past the chin, okay? If you don’t listen to me, you will make the mistake of chopping off your hair two more times before you turn 30 and all of your pictures from your 20’s will showcase your terrible choice in hair.

You will eventually become a stay-at-home mom. There really is no need to get that Master’s degree in Linguistics. Trust me when I say that you will never visit Hong Kong, so you do not need to study Cantonese in depth.

Actually, go ahead and get that graduate degree. But do it in Occupational Therapy because that’s where your life is headed.

Do not spend so much time obsessing over your job. You will a full-time mom by the time you’re 31. If you don’t listen to me, you are going to lose a lot of people in your life. CAREERS ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

I know you won’t believe me, but you make some really bad decisions because of your job. Mom is going to get cancer in a few years and you are going to go to work instead of supporting her at the hospital when she has her double mastectomy.

A very good friend of yours is going to have a stroke and you are going to visit her only once.

Honey, I know that when you get scared, you hide and pretend that everything is okay. But you can’t do that. When you’re 29, you are going to hit the lowest point of your life and if you alienate everyone in their time of need, you’re not going to have anyone to turn to when it’s your time of need.

And you will never, ever, ever get over the guilt of letting down the people you love.

Now, there are a few things about your 20th year that are still the same 15 years later:

1. You still think Birkenstocks are the greatest shoes in the world.

2. U2 is still your favorite band.


3. You will still have never visited Eastern Europe, but will still want to.

4. You will still want to adopt a child. (Actually, you will already have 3 children who were adopted, but you would like to adopt one more)


5. You still put on New Order to liven you up when you’re feeling down.

6. You still have your Levi’s jean jacket.


Oh! One more thing. When you’re 30 and go to Kirsten’s party at her parent’s house (yes, you will ALWAYS be friends with her)… do NOT consume approximately 4 lbs of Brie rolled in walnuts. You may think you’ve died and gone to heaven, but when you wake up the next morning and step on the scale, you will think you died and went to hell.

If you don’t watch it, you will gain 5 pounds in 2 hours and 5 years later you will not have lost that weight.

Remember: Cheese is NOT your friend.

Oh! One last thing. Girl. Go put on a bikini. Pronto! You weigh 105 pounds. In 6 month’s time, you will be living in England, dating the guy of your dreams, and stuffing your face with European chocolate. You will gain 20 pounds in 4 months.

Put on a bikini and get yourself to a beach ASAP. It will be the last time your butt is cellulite free. TRUST ME!