Eli the Quirkmonster

A few weeks ago I blogged about how quirky my kids are. Well, let me tell ya, Eli hit a home-run in the quirky department Saturday night.

Lately, something strange has been up with my younger two kids. They decided to clean the bathroom all on their own - which actually involved soaking two full rolls of toilet paper in the sink and then stuffing a whole other one down the toilet, but they tried. And, then, not long after that they decided to spontaneously empty our dryer and piled up all the dry clothes on the couch and left them there... just like they've seen their momma do day after day.

Oh yes. They are a product of their raising.

And then they decided to help us out by washing the dishes. And even though they put all the dishes back in the cabinet all soapy and sopping wet, it was the thought that counts, right?

But when Eli suggested Saturday night that I lay down on the couch so that he could rub my feet... well, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Now, honestly, I've been wondering what's been motivating this behavior. Am I going to open up a random, obscure drawer and find the remains of my favorite coffee mug? Did they break the dog's tail? Is there a pet garden snake taking up residence underneath their mattress? Is it in atonement for all the bratty behavior they've been throwing at us the last few weeks? Who knows. But when someone offers you a foot rub, it's foolish to second guess it, so I hopped myself on the couch and Eli started rubbing my feet and Nandini ran to the other end and started rubbing my shoulders and hair.

Sim even took a picture of it:



And then....

And then..... I noticed that Eli was peluch-ing my feet.

Peluche. Yep, beloved teddy bear that we sent to the orphanage for Eli's first Christmas.

This is Peluche:





In a former life, he was a cute, stunning little bear. Now, though, he is worn down to practically nothing. But Eli will never, ever part with him. I'm placing bets on whether Peluche is actually going to stand up as the best man at Eli's wedding.

They're practically attached to the hip.

Anyway, Eli has this bizzarre little ritual where Peluche "tickles" him. First, he sniffs Peluche... which, you know, cannot be all that great. He has a bit of a peculiar wet dog odor. And then he lightly rubs Peluche all over his face, ear, and neck and then will sometimes lift up his shirt so that Peluche can tickle his tummy. Yeah, it raises a few eyebrows, but we've gotten used to it. It's just Eli, you know?

Well....I've never had a problem with it until he started Peluch-ing my feet on Saturday night. First of all, he starts sniffing them - and my eyebrows raised a little bit and I thought, "Hmmmm.... what's this about?" and then he started taking my feet and rubbing them lightly all over his face.

Okay. Yuck!

So, I'm like, "Eli, dude, quit peluching my feet. That's nasty." and he just smiled because he totally gets into a trancelike state when he does it. So, I'm thinking, okay. Time's up. Momma's foot rub is over.

Well, then, he plays for a few minutes and then comes back to the couch and head dives straight into my crotch. Sorry. I have no other way of explaining it. And I'm thinking, "Okay now. This is not funny. What's going on here????

So I say, "Eli... honey. Whatcha doing there??!! (which, translated, means... "Get off me, you pint-sized pervert") and he says, "I'm looking for spare change."

That's right. Spare change.

Spare change???

So, I had to call in back-up.

Simeon. Simeon! Sim-eee-un!!!!

So, he runs into the living room thinking there's a fire or something... stops... surveys the situation and bursts out laughing. And I explain that his son is looking for "spare change".

Well, fortunately, my husband is a brilliant man and was able to put together 2 + 2 and we figured out what Eli was doing.

Here's the deal. Sim is from England. And his mom is about 210 years old. Well, apparantely, his mom's generation used to use the phrase "spend a penny"- meaning that you need to go to the bathroom. I don't know why. I guess because you used to have to pay a penny to use a public bathroom?

And has anyone actually used that phrase since 1945? Except for my mother-in-law?

Now, here's the thing. Sim's mom has been over here just once since we adopted Eli. And Eli has visited her in Wales twice - the last time being about 14 months ago. But, he has this insane ability to remember minute details of things that happened ages ago... but still can't recognize his numbers or letters. His long-term memory is fantastic. Brilliant, even. Short-term. Eh. Not so much.

Anyway... somehow... out of the blue, Eli remembered that phrase, decided that he wanted some money and figured out that I must have a secret stash of quarters stuffed somewhere in my bladder.

And he was determined to find it.

So, I did what any good mother would do. I kicked him off me. He rolled into the edge of the coffee table. Cried.

C'est la vie.

But he was in fine form that night and there was no stopping him. I don't know what was up with him. Maybe he'd been sniffing the magic markers or something? I have no idea. So, then he came up to me, lifted my shirt up a little bit and started sucking my stomach.

Feet sniffing. Crotch diving. And stomach sucking.

Um... what exactly am I raising here?

So, anyway, he's making like a vacuum on my stomach and I have to push him off before he leaves a big nasty hickey around my belly button. And he looks up at me, smiles sweetly, and says, "Why you got such a fat belly, big mama?"

Fortunately, Sim saw me eyeing the end of that coffee table and quickly swooped in and carried the kids outside to swing.

Oh, he knows me well.

And that was my Saturday night.

So. How was yours?

And if it involved feet sniffing, crotch diving, and stomach sucking by anyone other than a four-year old then I don't want to know about it.

Leslie