Writing from Another Country
It's been a few days, hasn't it? Well, that's because my kids surprised me and Sim and took us on a trip! No, don't get too excited. We've been there before - as, I'm sure, have you. It's a place called "The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children" - and I hate it.
Our kids take us to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children at least once a year. Normally, though, they give us a bit of warning. They usually drop a few hints - such as coughing or sneezing, but no, not this year. This year, they surprised us! How thoughtful of them.
At least I can say it's truly a Family Trip. All of us are involved this year. And we're not too lonely. I seem to recognize some familiar faces. It's a popular destination for people with children.
Some of you lucky dogs may not have visited this year. Not much has changed, but I'll go over all the travel specifics with you just to refresh your memory.
The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children is probably one of the worst travel destinations ever. First of all... there is no off-season. It's always hot and dreary in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. At least 102 degrees or higher - with no breeze in sight.
How do you travel to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children? What are the transportation modes? Well, the buggy at Walmart is always a safe bet - and I can assure you that if your child mouths on the cart handle then there is usually a direct route to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children (TLSIC). Sometimes, schools take a field trip there - and often provide a bus. You can also walk there. I hear that if you go outside barefoot when it's cold and damp, that you can usually take a footpath directly there.
What about currency? Well, the currency has not changed. It's still Diarrhea, Puke, and Snot. Note: the goal is to get your kids to run OUT of currency because then you get to leave The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. However, sometimes, especially if you have more than one child, you'll find that siblings will often trade currency with one another... thus extending your stay in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children - which is never good.
The hotel rooms are still the same. They're pretty dismal and consist of a twin bed with bad springs. You do get to choose your linens this year. I believe the choice is between Blue's Clues and The Wiggles. And there is most definitely only one thin pillow that you will have to share with your Sick and Inconsolable Child. There's usually a comforter or duvet, but, again, the chances of you actually getting any part of it is slim.
Just as the hotels are the same, so is the food. For such a populous place, the food selection is poor. This year, apple juice is still the juice of choice - while grilled cheese has seemed to edge out it's competitor - macaroni n cheese - by just a fraction. You'll soon find, however, that an "anything goes" mentality rules.
"You want potato chips for breakfast? Sure thing!"
"You want ANOTHER popsicle? Hey, no prob! Anything for you, my sweet little sick cherub".
For adults, the one and only "allowed" food or drink in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, is coffee. But don't despair. There's enough to go around.
There is no adult television in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. It's a kid friendly country - 24/7 - all the time. So, do bring a set of ear plugs with you if the thought of Elmo and Barney all day long for 5 days straight makes you want to pack up your bags and ship off to The Land of Kooky and Insane Parents who Hate Puppets. (Which is also a popular destination amongst the thirtysomething crowd.)
As for the rest of the entertainment.... well, didn't you know it's YOU?? So, if you have yet to visit The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children this year, I'd like to offer you a few tips. Brush up on your drawing skills - as you will be required to draw all sorts of things, like T-Rex balancing on a bicycle or an Elephant throwing peanuts on a dog. Basically, anything that your Sick and Inconsolable Child desires and demands. And, no, it doesn't matter if you can't even draw a stick figure correctly. Your Sick and Inconsolable Child will still demand that you create the exact likeness of every dinosaur that ever lived. Which brings me to another issue. Stock up on crayons and paper. And nursery rhymes and songs. Your dancing skills. Your juggling oranges skills. Your storytelling skills. Basically... anything that will keep your Sick and Inconsolable Child from whining.
As far as safety goes, it can be a bit daunting. There's a bit of a drug problem. I can't think of any other place on earth where parents actively shove drugs and liquids down their children's throats. And regarding trash... well, the place is covered in kleenex and discarded juice bottles. Not the most beautiful place to visit.
Don't worry, however. You won't suffer from lack of company. There are lots of adults in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. The capital city - Sleep Deprivation - is full of them. In fact, only adults congegrate in Sleep Deprivation... as all the Sick and Inconsolable Children stay up all night, but sleep during the day. Sleep Deprivation is the only place where adults can gather and commisserate about their Sick and Inconsolable Children. Thus, there are lots of internet cafes in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation. And coffee bars.
If, for some reason, your husband decides to visit the capital city of Sleep Deprivation, don't despair. Although you are in a foreign land, it's not like he's just stepped onto a beach in Sweden. Oh no. There's no reason to be jealous of the women in the city of Sleep Deprivation. They're a dirty looking lot of mothers. Most haven't showered or shaved in 4 days. Some haven't even brushed their hair - or teeth. Many still have on their pajamas. Some are covered in puke - and almost all are stooped over and look like they've aged 60 years. It might have something to do with sleeping on a twin bed with a squirmy, feverish, Sick and Inconsolable Child for days on end. So, no, dear friend. Don't worry. Your husband will not go astray in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation.
And, most certainly, if your husband is visiting the capital city of Sleep Deprivation in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, chances are he's not looking so hot himself.
The good thing is that your visit to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children usually only lasts a week or so - and then your back to The Land of Normal (which isn't always better). Unfortunately, however, you might find that you caught something in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, which usually means that you find yourself in The Land of Parents Who Just Have to Deal with It - because there is nobody home to take care of You.
Oh, one more thing. Don't forget the country's motto: "Leave Your Sanity at the Door"....
and their slogan:
"Well you see you back next year!"
Our kids take us to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children at least once a year. Normally, though, they give us a bit of warning. They usually drop a few hints - such as coughing or sneezing, but no, not this year. This year, they surprised us! How thoughtful of them.
At least I can say it's truly a Family Trip. All of us are involved this year. And we're not too lonely. I seem to recognize some familiar faces. It's a popular destination for people with children.
Some of you lucky dogs may not have visited this year. Not much has changed, but I'll go over all the travel specifics with you just to refresh your memory.
The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children is probably one of the worst travel destinations ever. First of all... there is no off-season. It's always hot and dreary in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. At least 102 degrees or higher - with no breeze in sight.
How do you travel to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children? What are the transportation modes? Well, the buggy at Walmart is always a safe bet - and I can assure you that if your child mouths on the cart handle then there is usually a direct route to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children (TLSIC). Sometimes, schools take a field trip there - and often provide a bus. You can also walk there. I hear that if you go outside barefoot when it's cold and damp, that you can usually take a footpath directly there.
What about currency? Well, the currency has not changed. It's still Diarrhea, Puke, and Snot. Note: the goal is to get your kids to run OUT of currency because then you get to leave The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. However, sometimes, especially if you have more than one child, you'll find that siblings will often trade currency with one another... thus extending your stay in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children - which is never good.
The hotel rooms are still the same. They're pretty dismal and consist of a twin bed with bad springs. You do get to choose your linens this year. I believe the choice is between Blue's Clues and The Wiggles. And there is most definitely only one thin pillow that you will have to share with your Sick and Inconsolable Child. There's usually a comforter or duvet, but, again, the chances of you actually getting any part of it is slim.
Just as the hotels are the same, so is the food. For such a populous place, the food selection is poor. This year, apple juice is still the juice of choice - while grilled cheese has seemed to edge out it's competitor - macaroni n cheese - by just a fraction. You'll soon find, however, that an "anything goes" mentality rules.
"You want potato chips for breakfast? Sure thing!"
"You want ANOTHER popsicle? Hey, no prob! Anything for you, my sweet little sick cherub".
For adults, the one and only "allowed" food or drink in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, is coffee. But don't despair. There's enough to go around.
There is no adult television in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. It's a kid friendly country - 24/7 - all the time. So, do bring a set of ear plugs with you if the thought of Elmo and Barney all day long for 5 days straight makes you want to pack up your bags and ship off to The Land of Kooky and Insane Parents who Hate Puppets. (Which is also a popular destination amongst the thirtysomething crowd.)
As for the rest of the entertainment.... well, didn't you know it's YOU?? So, if you have yet to visit The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children this year, I'd like to offer you a few tips. Brush up on your drawing skills - as you will be required to draw all sorts of things, like T-Rex balancing on a bicycle or an Elephant throwing peanuts on a dog. Basically, anything that your Sick and Inconsolable Child desires and demands. And, no, it doesn't matter if you can't even draw a stick figure correctly. Your Sick and Inconsolable Child will still demand that you create the exact likeness of every dinosaur that ever lived. Which brings me to another issue. Stock up on crayons and paper. And nursery rhymes and songs. Your dancing skills. Your juggling oranges skills. Your storytelling skills. Basically... anything that will keep your Sick and Inconsolable Child from whining.
As far as safety goes, it can be a bit daunting. There's a bit of a drug problem. I can't think of any other place on earth where parents actively shove drugs and liquids down their children's throats. And regarding trash... well, the place is covered in kleenex and discarded juice bottles. Not the most beautiful place to visit.
Don't worry, however. You won't suffer from lack of company. There are lots of adults in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. The capital city - Sleep Deprivation - is full of them. In fact, only adults congegrate in Sleep Deprivation... as all the Sick and Inconsolable Children stay up all night, but sleep during the day. Sleep Deprivation is the only place where adults can gather and commisserate about their Sick and Inconsolable Children. Thus, there are lots of internet cafes in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation. And coffee bars.
If, for some reason, your husband decides to visit the capital city of Sleep Deprivation, don't despair. Although you are in a foreign land, it's not like he's just stepped onto a beach in Sweden. Oh no. There's no reason to be jealous of the women in the city of Sleep Deprivation. They're a dirty looking lot of mothers. Most haven't showered or shaved in 4 days. Some haven't even brushed their hair - or teeth. Many still have on their pajamas. Some are covered in puke - and almost all are stooped over and look like they've aged 60 years. It might have something to do with sleeping on a twin bed with a squirmy, feverish, Sick and Inconsolable Child for days on end. So, no, dear friend. Don't worry. Your husband will not go astray in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation.
And, most certainly, if your husband is visiting the capital city of Sleep Deprivation in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, chances are he's not looking so hot himself.
The good thing is that your visit to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children usually only lasts a week or so - and then your back to The Land of Normal (which isn't always better). Unfortunately, however, you might find that you caught something in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, which usually means that you find yourself in The Land of Parents Who Just Have to Deal with It - because there is nobody home to take care of You.
Oh, one more thing. Don't forget the country's motto: "Leave Your Sanity at the Door"....
and their slogan:
"Well you see you back next year!"
Comments
I hope that you guys get better soon. Please let us know if you need anything. We'll be praying for speedy recoveries.
Hope you are all better soon!
Jenn
BTDT, didn't find it as fun as you did! LOL
Blessings,
Sandwich