REALLY Ready to Come Home
I miss the boys so much that I can't stand it! I can only imagine how much their lives are going to be turned upside down when we get back home. All of our lives. It's worth it, of course, but we are SO tired and Nandini is SO fussy and grieving. It's just been really hard.
I woke up with a rash all over my chest this morning. Nandini's been itching her hair. We checked for lice, but didn't see anything. I'm praying it's not lice. Can you imagine us doing a lice treatment on the whole family? How on earth would we be able to do that to Noah? The chemicals alone would set him back months.
Nandini is still having a very hard time. In my head, I know this is normal and will last months and months, but in my heart, I just want it to stop. I want to comfort her and she won't let me. I feel completely helpless here. She just cries and cries. We do get a few smiles every now and then, but then she realizes she's letting her guard down and she puts it right back up.
This morning, she found her leg braces in the suitcase and just started bawling. She seems to want outside all the time. She can't stand being in the hotel - she wants to be near Indian people and see them all the time. As soon as they're out of her sight, she just comes apart.
This adoption thing is so tricky. I know we are giving her a chance for a future - a chance for an education and she's going to get all the therapies and medical care she needs. But at the same time, it's heartwrenching to see her grieve so much because we know WE did this to her. She doesn't understand that in the long run that having a family is what she really needs. And then you feel so guilty for taking her away from everything she's ever known. Adoption is a ball of emotions.
I hope I don't come across as regretting this. Absolutely not. I love this little girl so much. I just feel helpless because I can't comfort her - and it kills me to see her hurt so much. Plus, we're so tired and just ready to come home. India is so funny that way. When I come to India, I can't wait to leave. And the moment the plane lifts off, I can't wait to get back to India. India tugs on your heart and finds a way to make a permanent mark on you. I love it here, but, oh, I don't know. It's just so hard to explain.
The cornflakes just came and she's calmed down. She's good at feeding herself and she's potty-trained. She's 3, so she should be, but she does have delays - so everything she does we just watch in wonder. I can't wait to see where she'll be a month from now - or a year from now.
We're off to the doctor's this morning and then for our visa interview. I'm wearing a ridiculous long-sleeved outfit so that I won't look like a weary backpacker for the the interview. Oh, did you know I wear an XL here? Nothing will crush your self-esteem faster than realizing you can't fit into the smalls and mediums here. Yep, XL for me! lol. (I bought Sim a shirt and it was XXL! ).
Will write more tonight.
Leslie
I woke up with a rash all over my chest this morning. Nandini's been itching her hair. We checked for lice, but didn't see anything. I'm praying it's not lice. Can you imagine us doing a lice treatment on the whole family? How on earth would we be able to do that to Noah? The chemicals alone would set him back months.
Nandini is still having a very hard time. In my head, I know this is normal and will last months and months, but in my heart, I just want it to stop. I want to comfort her and she won't let me. I feel completely helpless here. She just cries and cries. We do get a few smiles every now and then, but then she realizes she's letting her guard down and she puts it right back up.
This morning, she found her leg braces in the suitcase and just started bawling. She seems to want outside all the time. She can't stand being in the hotel - she wants to be near Indian people and see them all the time. As soon as they're out of her sight, she just comes apart.
This adoption thing is so tricky. I know we are giving her a chance for a future - a chance for an education and she's going to get all the therapies and medical care she needs. But at the same time, it's heartwrenching to see her grieve so much because we know WE did this to her. She doesn't understand that in the long run that having a family is what she really needs. And then you feel so guilty for taking her away from everything she's ever known. Adoption is a ball of emotions.
I hope I don't come across as regretting this. Absolutely not. I love this little girl so much. I just feel helpless because I can't comfort her - and it kills me to see her hurt so much. Plus, we're so tired and just ready to come home. India is so funny that way. When I come to India, I can't wait to leave. And the moment the plane lifts off, I can't wait to get back to India. India tugs on your heart and finds a way to make a permanent mark on you. I love it here, but, oh, I don't know. It's just so hard to explain.
The cornflakes just came and she's calmed down. She's good at feeding herself and she's potty-trained. She's 3, so she should be, but she does have delays - so everything she does we just watch in wonder. I can't wait to see where she'll be a month from now - or a year from now.
We're off to the doctor's this morning and then for our visa interview. I'm wearing a ridiculous long-sleeved outfit so that I won't look like a weary backpacker for the the interview. Oh, did you know I wear an XL here? Nothing will crush your self-esteem faster than realizing you can't fit into the smalls and mediums here. Yep, XL for me! lol. (I bought Sim a shirt and it was XXL! ).
Will write more tonight.
Leslie
Comments
If it is lice I have a terrific homeopathic cure...no harsh chemicals...and I'll even help you check everyones heads... :)
Praying for you. We'll need your prayers next year. Funny how we look so forward to that time that we pick them up and then it can be sooooooooo hard. Kind of like a slap in the face. But we are still so grateful to be united with our loved ones.
Mary (India Forum)