The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children
Well, it's 3:40 in the morning. What on earth could I be doing at this hour? Oh, I know. The same thing I was doing last night at 3:40 in the morning. Yes, yes, yes. Once again, I am visiting The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children.
Oh, you've never been there before? Are you sure?
Let me tell you a little about it and see if it refreshes your memory.
Here's the original post (with only a few modifications) from back in January. Not much has changed since then....
***********************************************************************************
It's been a few days, hasn't it? Well, that's because my kids surprised us and took us on a trip!
No, don't get too excited. We've been there before - as, I'm sure, have you. It's a place called "The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children" - and I hate it.
Our kids take us to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children at least once a year. Normally, though, they give us a bit of warning. They usually drop a few hints - such as coughing or sneezing, but no, not this year. This year, they surprised us!
How thoughtful of them.
At least I can say that it's truly a Family Trip. All of us are involved this year. And we're not too lonely. I seem to recognize some familiar faces. It's a popular destination for people with children.
Some of you lucky dogs may not have visited this year. Not much has changed, but I'll go over all the travel specifics with you just to refresh your memory.
The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children is probably one of the worst travel destinations ever. First of all... there is no off-season. It's always hot and dreary in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. At least 102 degrees or higher - with no breeze in sight.
How do you travel to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children? What are the transportation modes?
Well, the buggy at Walmart is always a safe bet - and I can assure you that if your child mouths on the cart handle then there is usually a direct route to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children (TLSIC).
Sometimes, schools take a field trip there - and often provide a bus.
You can also walk there. I hear that if you go outside barefoot when it's cold and damp, that you can usually take a footpath directly to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children.
What about currency?
Well, the currency has not changed. It's still Diarrhea, Puke, and Snot.
Note: the goal is to get your kids to run OUT of currency because then you get to leave The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. However, sometimes, especially if you have more than one child, you'll find that siblings will often trade currency with one another... thus extending your stay in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children - which is never good.
The hotel rooms are still the same. They're pretty dismal and consist of a twin bed with bad springs. You do get to choose your linens this year, however. I believe the choice is between Spiderman, Disney Princess and The Wiggles. And there is most definitely only one thin pillow -that you will have to share with your Sick and Inconsolable Child. There's usually a comforter or duvet, but, again, the chances of you actually getting any part of it is quite slim.
Just as the hotels are the same, so is the food. For such a populous place, the food selection is surprisingly poor. This year, apple juice is still the juice of choice - while grilled cheese has seemed to edge out it's competitor - macaroni n cheese - by just a fraction.
You'll soon find, however, that an "anything goes" mentality rules.
"You want potato chips for breakfast? Sure thing!"
"You want ANOTHER popsicle? Hey, no prob! Anything for you, my sweet little sick cherub".
For adults, the one and only "allowed" food or drink in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, is coffee. But don't despair. There's enough to go around.
There is no adult television in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. It's a kid friendly country - 24/7 - all the time. So, do bring a set of ear plugs with you if the thought of Elmo and Barney all day long for 5 days straight makes you want to pack up your bags and ship off to The Land of Kooky and Insane Parents who Hate Puppets. (Which is also a popular destination amongst the parental crowd.)
As for the rest of the entertainment.... well, didn't you know? It's YOU??
So, if you have yet to visit The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children this year, I'd like to offer you a few tips. Brush up on your drawing skills - as you will be required to draw all sorts of things, like T-Rex balancing on a bicycle or an Elephant throwing peanuts on a dog. Basically, anything that your Sick and Inconsolable Child desires and demands. And, no, it doesn't matter if you can't even draw a stick figure correctly. Your Sick and Inconsolable Child will still demand that you create the exact likeness of every dinosaur that ever lived.
Which brings me to another issue. Stock up on crayons and paper.
And nursery rhymes and songs.
Your dancing skills.
Your juggling oranges skills.
Your storytelling skills.
Basically... anything that will keep your Sick and Inconsolable Child from whining.
As far as safety goes, it can be a bit daunting. There's a bit of a drug problem in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. I can't think of any other place on earth where parents actively shove drugs and liquids down their children's throats.
And, honestly, it's not exactly the Greenest planet around... Not much recycling going on over here. The place is covered in kleenex, popsicle wrappers and discarded juice bottles.
Plus, you have to wear shoes AT ALL TIMES.
You never know what you may step in In The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children.
Don't worry, however. You won't suffer from lack of company. There are lots of adults in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. The capital city - Sleep Deprivation - is full of them. In fact, only adults congregate in Sleep Deprivation... as all the Sick and Inconsolable Children stay up all night, but sleep during the day.
Sleep Deprivation is the only place where adults can gather and commiserate about their Sick and Inconsolable Children. Thus, there are lots of internet cafes in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation.
And coffee bars.
If, for some reason, your husband decides to visit the capital city of Sleep Deprivation, don't despair. Although you are in a foreign land, it's nothing like visiting a beach during the summertime in Sweden.
Not at all.
There's no reason to be jealous of the women in the city of Sleep Deprivation. They're a dirty looking lot of mothers. Most haven't showered or shaved in 4 days. Some haven't even brushed their hair - or teeth. Many still have on their pajamas. Some are covered in puke - and almost all are stooped over and look like they've aged 60 years.
It might have something to do with sleeping on a twin bed with a squirmy, feverish, Sick and Inconsolable Child for days on end.
So, no, dear friend. Don't worry. Your husband will not go astray in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation.
And, most certainly, if your husband is visiting the capital city of Sleep Deprivation in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, chances are he's not looking so hot himself.
The good thing is that your visit to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children usually only lasts a week or so - and then you're back to The Land of Normal.
Which, actually, isn't always better.
As a souvenir for visiting the Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, you will usually receive a free gift within 2 -3 days.
Yes. To add salt to the wound, you'll soon find that you may have picked up a little something in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children - an unexpected timeshare you might say. A little trip to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Parents Who Just Have to Deal with It and Muddle Through.
So, enjoy your visit to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children... but not too much. You'll be back before you know it.
Don't forget the country's motto:
"Leave Your Sanity at the Door"....
and their slogan:
"Well you see you back next year!"
Oh, you've never been there before? Are you sure?
Let me tell you a little about it and see if it refreshes your memory.
Here's the original post (with only a few modifications) from back in January. Not much has changed since then....
***********************************************************************************
It's been a few days, hasn't it? Well, that's because my kids surprised us and took us on a trip!
No, don't get too excited. We've been there before - as, I'm sure, have you. It's a place called "The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children" - and I hate it.
Our kids take us to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children at least once a year. Normally, though, they give us a bit of warning. They usually drop a few hints - such as coughing or sneezing, but no, not this year. This year, they surprised us!
How thoughtful of them.
At least I can say that it's truly a Family Trip. All of us are involved this year. And we're not too lonely. I seem to recognize some familiar faces. It's a popular destination for people with children.
Some of you lucky dogs may not have visited this year. Not much has changed, but I'll go over all the travel specifics with you just to refresh your memory.
The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children is probably one of the worst travel destinations ever. First of all... there is no off-season. It's always hot and dreary in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. At least 102 degrees or higher - with no breeze in sight.
How do you travel to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children? What are the transportation modes?
Well, the buggy at Walmart is always a safe bet - and I can assure you that if your child mouths on the cart handle then there is usually a direct route to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children (TLSIC).
Sometimes, schools take a field trip there - and often provide a bus.
You can also walk there. I hear that if you go outside barefoot when it's cold and damp, that you can usually take a footpath directly to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children.
What about currency?
Well, the currency has not changed. It's still Diarrhea, Puke, and Snot.
Note: the goal is to get your kids to run OUT of currency because then you get to leave The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. However, sometimes, especially if you have more than one child, you'll find that siblings will often trade currency with one another... thus extending your stay in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children - which is never good.
The hotel rooms are still the same. They're pretty dismal and consist of a twin bed with bad springs. You do get to choose your linens this year, however. I believe the choice is between Spiderman, Disney Princess and The Wiggles. And there is most definitely only one thin pillow -that you will have to share with your Sick and Inconsolable Child. There's usually a comforter or duvet, but, again, the chances of you actually getting any part of it is quite slim.
Just as the hotels are the same, so is the food. For such a populous place, the food selection is surprisingly poor. This year, apple juice is still the juice of choice - while grilled cheese has seemed to edge out it's competitor - macaroni n cheese - by just a fraction.
You'll soon find, however, that an "anything goes" mentality rules.
"You want potato chips for breakfast? Sure thing!"
"You want ANOTHER popsicle? Hey, no prob! Anything for you, my sweet little sick cherub".
For adults, the one and only "allowed" food or drink in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, is coffee. But don't despair. There's enough to go around.
There is no adult television in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. It's a kid friendly country - 24/7 - all the time. So, do bring a set of ear plugs with you if the thought of Elmo and Barney all day long for 5 days straight makes you want to pack up your bags and ship off to The Land of Kooky and Insane Parents who Hate Puppets. (Which is also a popular destination amongst the parental crowd.)
As for the rest of the entertainment.... well, didn't you know? It's YOU??
So, if you have yet to visit The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children this year, I'd like to offer you a few tips. Brush up on your drawing skills - as you will be required to draw all sorts of things, like T-Rex balancing on a bicycle or an Elephant throwing peanuts on a dog. Basically, anything that your Sick and Inconsolable Child desires and demands. And, no, it doesn't matter if you can't even draw a stick figure correctly. Your Sick and Inconsolable Child will still demand that you create the exact likeness of every dinosaur that ever lived.
Which brings me to another issue. Stock up on crayons and paper.
And nursery rhymes and songs.
Your dancing skills.
Your juggling oranges skills.
Your storytelling skills.
Basically... anything that will keep your Sick and Inconsolable Child from whining.
As far as safety goes, it can be a bit daunting. There's a bit of a drug problem in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. I can't think of any other place on earth where parents actively shove drugs and liquids down their children's throats.
And, honestly, it's not exactly the Greenest planet around... Not much recycling going on over here. The place is covered in kleenex, popsicle wrappers and discarded juice bottles.
Plus, you have to wear shoes AT ALL TIMES.
You never know what you may step in In The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children.
Don't worry, however. You won't suffer from lack of company. There are lots of adults in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children. The capital city - Sleep Deprivation - is full of them. In fact, only adults congregate in Sleep Deprivation... as all the Sick and Inconsolable Children stay up all night, but sleep during the day.
Sleep Deprivation is the only place where adults can gather and commiserate about their Sick and Inconsolable Children. Thus, there are lots of internet cafes in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation.
And coffee bars.
If, for some reason, your husband decides to visit the capital city of Sleep Deprivation, don't despair. Although you are in a foreign land, it's nothing like visiting a beach during the summertime in Sweden.
Not at all.
There's no reason to be jealous of the women in the city of Sleep Deprivation. They're a dirty looking lot of mothers. Most haven't showered or shaved in 4 days. Some haven't even brushed their hair - or teeth. Many still have on their pajamas. Some are covered in puke - and almost all are stooped over and look like they've aged 60 years.
It might have something to do with sleeping on a twin bed with a squirmy, feverish, Sick and Inconsolable Child for days on end.
So, no, dear friend. Don't worry. Your husband will not go astray in the capital city of Sleep Deprivation.
And, most certainly, if your husband is visiting the capital city of Sleep Deprivation in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, chances are he's not looking so hot himself.
The good thing is that your visit to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children usually only lasts a week or so - and then you're back to The Land of Normal.
Which, actually, isn't always better.
As a souvenir for visiting the Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children, you will usually receive a free gift within 2 -3 days.
Yes. To add salt to the wound, you'll soon find that you may have picked up a little something in The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children - an unexpected timeshare you might say. A little trip to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Parents Who Just Have to Deal with It and Muddle Through.
So, enjoy your visit to The Land of Sick and Inconsolable Children... but not too much. You'll be back before you know it.
Don't forget the country's motto:
"Leave Your Sanity at the Door"....
and their slogan:
"Well you see you back next year!"
Comments
Here's a comment on your blog to make you feel better.
See? Someone reads it!
And it is HILARIOUS!!!
Blessings,
Sandwich