Friday Night in a Small Town

We just came back from our local carnival. You know, one of those travelling carnival things that sets up in abandoned shopping center parking lots. The ones that are sometimes in the news because a kid fell out of a faulty ferris wheel or because it turns out that one of the ride attendants is a sex offender.

Yeah, one of those.

We just got back from one of those.

I think Simeon is ready to move.

You see, Sim works in Irving. He travels an hour and a half to get to work every day. That’s an hour and a half closer to normal. He doesn’t really get to see all the colorful characters that live in this little town.

Now, I like colorful. Colorful is good. It would be boring if everyone was the same. But having all the colorful characters converge into one place…. Well, it’s a tad bit overwhelming.

If any of our Sheffield friends are reading this, Sim says that it reminds him of Barnsley.

Ouch.

So, anyway, Sim had a scowl on his face the moment we went in there. It looked like this….




And it didn’t leave the entire time. Not until he got home and scrubbed his hands clean with antibiotic soap.

It’s kind of funny, actually. Because Sim is incredibly laid back. Like, nothing ruffles his feathers. But if you take him to a flea market ---- or a travelling carnival – he turns into a grouchy old fart.

I also think the fact that it cost $23.50 for the kids to ride a merry-go-round and go down a giant slide also had something to do with it. He refused to pay $20 more for the kids to have unlimited rides. Not so much because of the money, but because it would mean that he’d have to spend more time at the carnival.. amongst chain smoking men wearing jams and mullets.

I.Am.Not.Kidding.

Actual 1980’s jams.

I didn’t think any of those actually survived this long. It's possible that if we collected all the jams worn in this town, we could actually open up a Jam Museum. Nostalgia Nerds from all over the country would flock to our county.

I think I should bring it up to City Hall.

And lest you think we’re leaving the women out…well, let’s just say that I’ve never seen so much tattooed cleavage in one place.

And I am all for the tattoo. Honestly, I’ve been begging Sim to get arm sleeves for years, but he says tattoos are not meant for pale, skinny, British men.

Excuses, excuses.

Anyway, so despite my love for the tattoo, all I can say after tonight is that I am so thankful that my family held the Save Leslie’s Skin intervention of 1991 that prevented me from getting a daisy chain tattooed around my belly button and a tribal band around my ankle.

Because after tonight, I now know what stretch marks do to stomach tattoos. And, uh, tribal bands might have looked alright when you had ankles… but when they turn into cankles, it’s a whole nother story.

So, dear family, although I might have hated you for the embarrassing – and, totally unnecessary family meeting you called when I was 18… boy, oh boy, did you save my bacon!

(But, Sim, seriously. Just one tattoo? Please? Pretty Please?)

Oops. Okay, where was I?

So, uh, yeah. It was interesting. As for the kids, they loved it. Kids are kids. They don’t care. They just want you to shell out tons of money so they can win a blow-up shark that’ll pop and bust an hour later. They don’t care that they end up smelling like cigarette smoke.

And while I’m on the subject… how can you spend an hour outside in fresh air and still wind up smelling of smoke? It’s kind of alarming when you lean in to kiss your 3 year olds hair and you notice she smells like a mixture of cotton candy and cheap cigarettes.

Not good.

And you know what we also found out? Kids don’t care that the clown statue is actually not a clown statue but a TRASH CAN that is decorated to look like a clown statue. But do they give a hill of beans? Nope. They’ll still run right up to that clown and give it a big ‘ol smackaroo right on the dirty, trashy lips.

Bet you a funnel cake that you know whose kid did that.

And that was our Friday night. $1.00 in gas. $23.50 in tickets. ½ a $5.00 bottle of Germ-X. 3 hair washings of Baby Avalon Organics Shampoo – for each kid. And the PRICELESS experience of watching my husband turn into his father before my very eyes.

Wow. What a Friday night.

CAN’T WAIT to take the kids to Hurricane Harbor. Sim will have a field day with that one.









Comments

Amy said…
Um, excuse me while I go change my underware. LOL YOU KILL ME- every single time I think you could not possibly top yourself you do! CRACK ME UP! And to think- I missed all that and am only an hour and a half away! Amy
3:02 PM
Anonymous said…
hmmm, maybe ryan's ancestor's are british...he gets that same look when we go to wal-mart!
11:46 PM
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