Today's Random Prayers & Google Searches
Today was one of those days where I just wanted to throw a toothbrush and a change of clothes in a backpack and hightail it outta here - without the kids. Okay, we'll maybe I'd bring Noah because he was the only who didn't make me feel like slamming my head in the freezer door over and over again all day long.
And to top it all off, Sim was supposed to be home 20 minutes ago and just called and he's at least 2 hours from home. So I figured I'd blog out my frustrations real quick so that I don't bombard him with relentless venting the moment he walks through the door.
Okay, so maybe I'll vent just a teeny tiny bit because otherwise he might think he's walked into the wrong house.
Don't think of it as me being a nagging wife. Think of it as me maintaining honest and open communication. Yeah! Yeah! That's it!
So, here's the deal-io. Despite my previous admissions that I can't wait to send Eli on the first bus back to public school, deep down inside I am secretly dying to be a homeschool mama. I mean I looove the idea. But is it just a far reached idea or could it possibly become a reality?
While still maintaing my sanity?
Basically, I've spent this summer doing a homeschool trial run. I already HS Noah, but this time I threw Nandi & Eli into the mix. And it's been simple, really. We're just doing Sing Spell Read & Write and working on Eli's kindergarten flashcards that his teacher sent home last year and reading some books. Easy-peasy.
But. The. Child. Does. NOT. Want. Anyone. Telling. Him. What. To. Do. Period.
The pinnacle was when he threw an all out tantrum complete with throwing himself on the floor and flopping around like a fish out of water all because I asked him what sound the letters b + u (bu) make. And he absolutely insisted that he did not know and could not tell me and would not tell me and I would never ever make him.
He swore up and down (well, he didn't really swear - more like he shouted up and down) that it was too hard for him.
But then my mom called from a garage sale and I asked if there were any T-O-Y-S and Eli perked up and said, "Toys!!"
But, uh, yeah. "Bu" was just too hard to sound out.
Anyway, the day started at 5:30 and is still going full steam ahead while I type this. And, let me tell you, me and God have had some serious talks today.
Here's how most of those talks started:
Dear God, please let me know if you want me to homeschool. Please?
Dear God, I want to homeschool, but I might seriously go insane.
Dear God, I cannot do this.
Dear God, you picked the wrong woman.
Jesus, I love you, but, dude, you made a huge mistake choosing me for this job.
Yeah, not only did I call Jesus "dude" but I criticized him as well. Yikes
Dear God, I'm going to lose my mind. I mean it this time.
Jesus, seriously, please answer me. I'm waiting.
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.
HeeHee. Which led me to do a wikipedia search on Judy Blume.
Jesus, please give me the grace to handle this. No matter what your will is please give me the grace to handle it.
And my google searches today included the following... and, yes, I am massively detailed in my google searches:
Should I homeschool my child? (Because, you know, Google has all the answers, right?)
Homeschooling a defiant child.
Homeschooling a child who wants to be in control.
The homeschooling parent who wants to be in control.
Homeschooling a child who doesn't want to be told what to do.
Homeschooling a child who manipulates his mother.
Will I mess up my kids by homeschooling them?
Homeschooled children who grew up to become strippers.
Homeschooled children who grew up to become serial killers.
Clive Owen movies. (What can I say? I needed a distraction)
The Kratt Brothers. (My guilty pleasure. 6:30 am never looked so good.)
The IT Crowd Season 4. (My new favorite British television obsession)
Reece's Rainbow. (Because obviously adopting another child is EXACTLY what I need)
My son won't stop talking about Toy Story 3 and it's driving me crazy. (I just wanted to see what it would pull up)
Homeschooling a child who never ever stops talking.
Homeschooling kids with RAD.
What the heck are Swagbucks? (Yes, I actually typed "What the heck.." I type just how I talk)
How do I get Sharpie marker off my bamboo floors? (Thanks, Nandi)
How do I get Sharpie marker off a door? (See above)
How to get Sharpie marker off a leather couch? (Cheers, Nandi)
Can a child die from drinking contact lens solution? (Oh, Noah)
Is natural floor cleaner harmful to a child? (Uh, you can guess, right?)
Depression & homeschooling
Homeschooling & Isolation
Losing myself in motherhood.
Yep, I actually googled all that crap. And, contrary to what it looks like, I did not spend all day on the computer. I'm just an extremely fast typer and the kids actually sat still for an hour and a half to watch Toy Story.
Which led me to pray... Dear God, I'm so thankful for Toy Story right now, but please please please keep Eli from talking about it all friggin' day long.
God just loves it when I use slang while talking to Him. Keeps it real.
So, what about you? Anyone else all in a flux over homeschooling? How can something so simple be such a hard decision.
P.S. For any naysayers, I haven't gone into all the reasons I'm contemplating it but there are a thousand reasons I could go into but posting every single one of them is not in Eli's best interest. I mean, I do post a lot of stuff on here, but I'm not going to list out all of Eli's issues on this blog.
Rest assured, if Sim - the level headed one in the family - thinks it's in Eli's best interest, then you know it's serious.
One more month to decide.
Dear God... please don't make me wait a month to know what to do. Can you tell me in, like, the next five minutes? Thanks!
And to top it all off, Sim was supposed to be home 20 minutes ago and just called and he's at least 2 hours from home. So I figured I'd blog out my frustrations real quick so that I don't bombard him with relentless venting the moment he walks through the door.
Okay, so maybe I'll vent just a teeny tiny bit because otherwise he might think he's walked into the wrong house.
Don't think of it as me being a nagging wife. Think of it as me maintaining honest and open communication. Yeah! Yeah! That's it!
So, here's the deal-io. Despite my previous admissions that I can't wait to send Eli on the first bus back to public school, deep down inside I am secretly dying to be a homeschool mama. I mean I looove the idea. But is it just a far reached idea or could it possibly become a reality?
While still maintaing my sanity?
Basically, I've spent this summer doing a homeschool trial run. I already HS Noah, but this time I threw Nandi & Eli into the mix. And it's been simple, really. We're just doing Sing Spell Read & Write and working on Eli's kindergarten flashcards that his teacher sent home last year and reading some books. Easy-peasy.
But. The. Child. Does. NOT. Want. Anyone. Telling. Him. What. To. Do. Period.
The pinnacle was when he threw an all out tantrum complete with throwing himself on the floor and flopping around like a fish out of water all because I asked him what sound the letters b + u (bu) make. And he absolutely insisted that he did not know and could not tell me and would not tell me and I would never ever make him.
He swore up and down (well, he didn't really swear - more like he shouted up and down) that it was too hard for him.
But then my mom called from a garage sale and I asked if there were any T-O-Y-S and Eli perked up and said, "Toys!!"
But, uh, yeah. "Bu" was just too hard to sound out.
Anyway, the day started at 5:30 and is still going full steam ahead while I type this. And, let me tell you, me and God have had some serious talks today.
Here's how most of those talks started:
Dear God, please let me know if you want me to homeschool. Please?
Dear God, I want to homeschool, but I might seriously go insane.
Dear God, I cannot do this.
Dear God, you picked the wrong woman.
Jesus, I love you, but, dude, you made a huge mistake choosing me for this job.
Yeah, not only did I call Jesus "dude" but I criticized him as well. Yikes
Dear God, I'm going to lose my mind. I mean it this time.
Jesus, seriously, please answer me. I'm waiting.
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.
HeeHee. Which led me to do a wikipedia search on Judy Blume.
Jesus, please give me the grace to handle this. No matter what your will is please give me the grace to handle it.
And my google searches today included the following... and, yes, I am massively detailed in my google searches:
Should I homeschool my child? (Because, you know, Google has all the answers, right?)
Homeschooling a defiant child.
Homeschooling a child who wants to be in control.
The homeschooling parent who wants to be in control.
Homeschooling a child who doesn't want to be told what to do.
Homeschooling a child who manipulates his mother.
Will I mess up my kids by homeschooling them?
Homeschooled children who grew up to become strippers.
Homeschooled children who grew up to become serial killers.
Clive Owen movies. (What can I say? I needed a distraction)
The Kratt Brothers. (My guilty pleasure. 6:30 am never looked so good.)
The IT Crowd Season 4. (My new favorite British television obsession)
Reece's Rainbow. (Because obviously adopting another child is EXACTLY what I need)
My son won't stop talking about Toy Story 3 and it's driving me crazy. (I just wanted to see what it would pull up)
Homeschooling a child who never ever stops talking.
Homeschooling kids with RAD.
What the heck are Swagbucks? (Yes, I actually typed "What the heck.." I type just how I talk)
How do I get Sharpie marker off my bamboo floors? (Thanks, Nandi)
How do I get Sharpie marker off a door? (See above)
How to get Sharpie marker off a leather couch? (Cheers, Nandi)
Can a child die from drinking contact lens solution? (Oh, Noah)
Is natural floor cleaner harmful to a child? (Uh, you can guess, right?)
Depression & homeschooling
Homeschooling & Isolation
Losing myself in motherhood.
Yep, I actually googled all that crap. And, contrary to what it looks like, I did not spend all day on the computer. I'm just an extremely fast typer and the kids actually sat still for an hour and a half to watch Toy Story.
Which led me to pray... Dear God, I'm so thankful for Toy Story right now, but please please please keep Eli from talking about it all friggin' day long.
God just loves it when I use slang while talking to Him. Keeps it real.
So, what about you? Anyone else all in a flux over homeschooling? How can something so simple be such a hard decision.
P.S. For any naysayers, I haven't gone into all the reasons I'm contemplating it but there are a thousand reasons I could go into but posting every single one of them is not in Eli's best interest. I mean, I do post a lot of stuff on here, but I'm not going to list out all of Eli's issues on this blog.
Rest assured, if Sim - the level headed one in the family - thinks it's in Eli's best interest, then you know it's serious.
One more month to decide.
Dear God... please don't make me wait a month to know what to do. Can you tell me in, like, the next five minutes? Thanks!
Comments
Ok. So I THOUGHT I would like to homeschool Jeremiah. Actually, I really would, because I think he would benefit so much for the 1/1 attention, and I'm a pretty decent teacher TO OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN! So this summer we have been doing daily school work to get Jeremiah closer to grade level. Some days, he can't get enough and wants to go and go and go...and I think, "Hey, I could do this!" And then there's been days like the past week, where after 2.5 minutes, Jeremiah starts playing dumb and throwing Eli-style fits (only he's 11). And then I think...boy, I am so glad he's going back to school in 7 weeks.
And then I ask God why my heart still wants more kids and why it hurts so much that so many of my friends are pregnant and I'm not.
And then I go back to the screaming, thrashing, stealing 11 year old.
Yeah. We make a whole lot of sense, don't we?
Love ya!
Blessings!
Hannah
You have my number. Give me a ringy ding!
I'm off to SCH in less than two months-very excited!
Blessings,
Sarah
I do it. I love it. I hate it. I pray for the schoolbus to take them away some days. It is my belief that RAD, FASD, PTSD, AD(H)D, BPD, and ODD all suck. . .but suck much less when you homeschool.
'Cmon! All the cool kids are doing it!
Let us know what you decide! ((hug))
and I'm a compulsive googler, too.
I know this is a big decision. I don't know your kiddos or what's best for them. I know that God is going to give you wisdom because you are clearly asking Him for it.
Homeschooling Zoe has been no picnic many times. She has bonding stuff to work through and doing school with me confronts those head on every day. We have had many scenes like you described... something SOOOOO hard she can't do it was really about how nervous it made her to look me in the eyes and be close.
There have been many days my google searches were for private schools in the area. :o) I was READY to ship her off. I'm so glad I didn't.
Zoe is STILL behind but she is blossoming. She used to be terrified to learn or read. Now she devours books. More importantly we are bonding more and more every day in a way I KNOW would not have happened if she weren't with me.
I say all this just to let you know that you aren't alone in feeling this home school thing can be hard. My other 2 kids are SO CRAZY EASY to home school. It's a joy.
With Zoe I have to find ways that I don't have to be in her face as much... like worksheets, or time4learning, or dvd lessons. Sounds crazy but she can't handle the pressure of me sitting there expecting something for TOO LONG!
;-) HUGS! Angel