I'm the Luckiest Girl in the World

Look what I've been able to wake up to for the last two days....





Noah has decided that there's no place he'd rather sleep than nestled between the two people who love him more than anything in the world.


I mean, honestly, how many 8 year old boys do you know that love to crawl into bed with their parents? Or come up to them with their arms raised up so that they can be picked up and hugged? Or crawl into their laps for cuddles and kisses?


While most 8 year olds are discovering sports or video games or deciding that their friends are way cooler than their parents... I have a son who still thinks I'm the bees knees.... and will probably do so for the rest of his life.


There was a time when that would've depressed me. When the thought that Noah might never live on his own or get married or have friends or hold a job would just make me feel like I was drowning in a black hole - and it would just send me straight to bed with the covers pulled up.


But, really, what good does that do?


I've come to realize that the difference between living a happy life and one of constant unfulfillment is all in a little something I like to call... attitude.


I could wake up depressed that I have to change the diaper of my 8 year old son. I could cry as I dress him and brush his teeth. I could mourn the death of my career in higher ed. I could be jealous of my friends who have date nights and can spend money on clothes and lunches and tropical vacations.


Or I could realize that I get to spend the rest of my life with one of my children. How cool is that?


Instead of being upset over Noah living with us forever, I can try and see the beauty in that. I get to wake up every morning for the rest of my life to his smile. I get to hang out with my son... who I think is super cool. I don't have to worry that he's going to turn 18 and leave me.


I am lucky.


You know, when I was in India a few weeks ago it really hit me how lucky I am. Seeing all those kids who were abandoned and taken in by Sarah... .what's their story? What's it like to live in such poverty that you are not able to keep a child with special needs? Or what's it like to face such social stigma that you are forced to leave your child somewhere simply because they have a disability?


I have spent so much of the last 7 years mourning Noah's autism. But, you know what? I have choices. I lament the death of my career... but it's a choice I made. I have family support. I have a husband who adores our son and who commutes 4 hours a day to a job in order to provide for him. We may live in a society that still looks down on people with disabilities... but at least I'm not being forced to give up my son because of those disabilities.


I am lucky.


Several years ago, I was waiting in a doctor's office for one of Noah's appointments and Noah was squealing and rolling all over the floor. One of the mom's waiting commented on him and said, "He's an active little guy!" and I remember saying something like, "Yeah, if only he'd be a bit quieter."


And then she turned to me and said, "My daughter died last year and I would give anything to hear her be loud again."


I am lucky.


There are parents out there who would give their right arm to hear their child throw a tantrum. Or to change their 8 year old's diaper. Or to pick up all their toys and wash all their clothes and fix all their meals. There are parents out there who've lost their child who would probably say, "I don't care if they're in a wheelchair or have a feeding tube or have to live with me for the rest of their lives. I just want them back."


I am lucky.


Whatever you're going through right now... someone else, somewhere, would give a million dollars to be in your shoes.

You are lucky.


We live in a country where there are choices.


We are lucky.


So that's my new mantra. I am lucky. And I blessed. And all it takes to realize that is a little change in attitude and the ability to wake up to this:









I am lucky.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Wow, that's a great attitude! I can only imagine how much more difficult it can be for you guys...I'm referring to the whole Gun Barrel City thing. I'm so happy I met you even if I never see you. By the way, I will continue to harass you about the parade this Sat. until you respond.
Bronwyn said…
Leslie,
This post is beautiful! You made me cry and smile this morning. I feel exactly the same way about my son.
Thank you!
Have a blessed day!
Bronwyn
Pam said…
That was a beautiful post, Leslie. Wow. Powerful stuff. And what is it about sleeping Indian boys that is so beautiful??? And peaceful?? And well...quiet? :) LOL! We are blessed!
Marty Walden said…
God bless you. I know from personal experience how hard it is to reach that place of surrender and attitude adjustment. And very often it's a daily thing. Thanks for the reminder!
Shara said…
I needed this todeay, Leslie! Thank you for the gift of perspective.
GB's Mom said…
You are right. I AM lucky. Thanks for sharing.
Sarah said…
Okay, I'm in tears. What a beautiful post.

Blessings,
Sarah
Anonymous said…
Love this post. Noah is also lucky to have you as his mom.

Lori P.
sandwichinwi said…
I am lucky to know you and I hope someday to be lucky to meet all three of your squirrels.

Yes, sleeping Indian boys. Beautiful! I thought of both of mine when I looked at yours.

Blessings,
Sandwich
Holly said…
It's all about persective isn't it?
LOVE this! Thank you God for all you've taught my friend Leslie and all that you have blessed her with.
Thank you for the gift of children!
Jane said…
True agape. Bless you for communicating so effectlively Leslie.
Cherie said…
He IS sooo beautiful.
I wish that you would bring him to lifegroup with you! He is a blessing all of us and a reminder of God's great love. We love your family!
I'll bring the chips, if you bring Noah.
P.s. I've got an idea for SCH...you up for HUGE garage sale @ bookstore parking lot? I feel a Spring Cleaning sale coming on. You think Tristan feels up to helping. We could use her superb resale skills. I'm talking of the Pinnacle Woman's Club magnitude...maybe an annual event??? Come into store this week for chat.
Amy said…
Leslie- you are such a blessing. Yes, you are one lucky mama- and those of us who know you are lucky too. Thanks for being the way you are. I so wish there were more Leslies in this world. Love you all! Amy
Mom 4 Kids said…
I sent you some Sunshine, come by my blog and pick up your award! Hugs!
Leah C. said…
I'm glad you realize how lucky you are. I'd give anything to know that my son would live to be 8. I'd give anything for my 2-year-old to not need trach and a ventilator to breathe. I'd give anything to know that his heart (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome)and lungs would hold out. I'd give anything for him to not have the brain injury he suffered after a 30 minute cardiac arrest. I know I won't be taking home the same boy from the hospital that I brough in months ago. Yet, I am SO thankful that I have a little boy to take home whenever he is stable enough.
Sneha V said…
This was wonderful.
Really put things in perspective.

<3 Sneha V
Chantelle said…
Leslie, I don't cry at blog posts... but man, tears were streaming. I REALLY needed to hear this today. THANK YOU for TAKING THE TIME to share it. God is shining such a BRIGHT LIGHT through you and touching the hearts of SO MANY. I am so "lucky" to know you. (((((hug))))
Linze Kate said…
It's been awhile since I had read your blog... This was one of the most inspirational blogs/messages I have ever read. Ever.

I think another thing that makes you lucky is how many people's lives you get to touch through your words - that's a gift. You really are SUCH an incredible person, and I'm thankful for the time you took to writ this. Thank you.
*muah*
Rebecca said…
Needed this post today after an overwhelming day with my children. Two wild active healthy boys, two girls with attitude and 3young ones with disabilities. Today, I complained to myself all day about how much work my kids are. THANK YOU for the wake up call!
Jessica said…
Beautiful post, and timely for me, too. It brightened my day. Thank you!
Anonymous said…
This was beautiful! Thank you for the reminder. When I see my little boy today I am going to give him an extra big hug and tell him how lucky I am for him. Lisa
Anonymous said…
You are more than lucky! You are blessed to no extent. You are raising a child that God had a special intention to make sure His Glory and works would be made manifest through your son, NOAH! His work is being done when you don't even realize it. Just as someone is watching us and looking up to us and we never know it. One of the most amazing works God placed in NOAH was to teach me about God's beauty in people, to teach me God's Awesome Power that only He can do through one, To teach me God is in my presence at all times above or under the water, To teach me a deeper meaning of love for people and God, God is using this wonderful person to inspire others like me. NOAH is a HUGE SEED in my life and to ever think of NOAH in any other form or fashion would to deny God His Glory for His wonderful works. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR NOAH AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART AND MY SEED THAT INSPIRED ME.
I love you Noah and the family.
thank you
Kim said…
This is a wonderful post. Made my eyes fill up with tears and is something I really needed to read today.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.
dorothy said…
Amen - From one mommy of special needs kids to another. We had a traumatic head injury that thankfully didn't end up so traumatic due to some great intervention this weekend - but it reminded me how blessed I really am for every autistic/ODD/FASD/LD issue that I have the honor of dealing with in my life.
Let's keep counting our blessings -
and all of Sarah's in India also.

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