I'm the Luckiest Girl in the World

Look what I've been able to wake up to for the last two days....

Noah has decided that there's no place he'd rather sleep than nestled between the two people who love him more than anything in the world.

I mean, honestly, how many 8 year old boys do you know that love to crawl into bed with their parents? Or come up to them with their arms raised up so that they can be picked up and hugged? Or crawl into their laps for cuddles and kisses?

While most 8 year olds are discovering sports or video games or deciding that their friends are way cooler than their parents... I have a son who still thinks I'm the bees knees.... and will probably do so for the rest of his life.

There was a time when that would've depressed me. When the thought that Noah might never live on his own or get married or have friends or hold a job would just make me feel like I was drowning in a black hole - and it would just send me straight to bed with the covers pulled up.

But, really, what good does that do?

I've come to realize that the difference between living a happy life and one of constant unfulfillment is all in a little something I like to call... attitude.

I could wake up depressed that I have to change the diaper of my 8 year old son. I could cry as I dress him and brush his teeth. I could mourn the death of my career in higher ed. I could be jealous of my friends who have date nights and can spend money on clothes and lunches and tropical vacations.

Or I could realize that I get to spend the rest of my life with one of my children. How cool is that?

Instead of being upset over Noah living with us forever, I can try and see the beauty in that. I get to wake up every morning for the rest of my life to his smile. I get to hang out with my son... who I think is super cool. I don't have to worry that he's going to turn 18 and leave me.

I am lucky.

You know, when I was in India a few weeks ago it really hit me how lucky I am. Seeing all those kids who were abandoned and taken in by Sarah... .what's their story? What's it like to live in such poverty that you are not able to keep a child with special needs? Or what's it like to face such social stigma that you are forced to leave your child somewhere simply because they have a disability?

I have spent so much of the last 7 years mourning Noah's autism. But, you know what? I have choices. I lament the death of my career... but it's a choice I made. I have family support. I have a husband who adores our son and who commutes 4 hours a day to a job in order to provide for him. We may live in a society that still looks down on people with disabilities... but at least I'm not being forced to give up my son because of those disabilities.

I am lucky.

Several years ago, I was waiting in a doctor's office for one of Noah's appointments and Noah was squealing and rolling all over the floor. One of the mom's waiting commented on him and said, "He's an active little guy!" and I remember saying something like, "Yeah, if only he'd be a bit quieter."

And then she turned to me and said, "My daughter died last year and I would give anything to hear her be loud again."

I am lucky.

There are parents out there who would give their right arm to hear their child throw a tantrum. Or to change their 8 year old's diaper. Or to pick up all their toys and wash all their clothes and fix all their meals. There are parents out there who've lost their child who would probably say, "I don't care if they're in a wheelchair or have a feeding tube or have to live with me for the rest of their lives. I just want them back."

I am lucky.

Whatever you're going through right now... someone else, somewhere, would give a million dollars to be in your shoes.

You are lucky.

We live in a country where there are choices.

We are lucky.

So that's my new mantra. I am lucky. And I blessed. And all it takes to realize that is a little change in attitude and the ability to wake up to this:

I am lucky.