Where do I start?

Where oh where
Oh where oh where
Oh where oh where do I start?

There have been so many things on and so many different emotions going on that I am definitely going to have to break down this post into several smaller ones. Otherwise, you might all get overwhelmed... kind of like I've been these last few days.

And, let's face it, I'm not exactly known for my brevity, am I? And since I want you all to come back, I'll try to post several little "here's what's going on" posts over the next few days.

The first one will just be to tell you what our typical day has been like and why I've not been posting as much lately.

Basically, it's impossible to get anything done unless

a) the kids are asleep or
b) Sim is home

That's it, really.

Here's a scenario from a typical day...

Wake up around 5:30 and quickly check email. Look at Pilates DVD and wish that I could blink my eyes like a genie and have a super hot body. Put DVD down and vow to start tomorrow. Go to kitchen, put on the kettle, and make some coffee.

Child 1 wakes up at 5:45 and is in bad mood because he didn't get enough sleep. Or maybe it's just because that's simply how Child 1 is... don't know. He immediately starts yelling that he's hungry and demanding that I feed him and then starts a 15 hour marathon of incessant nonstop nonsensical chatter. "Is tomorrow Christmas? Do you see this rock? This is my pet rock. I want it to have a birthday party and get lots of presents. What did you think when you saw my pet rock? Did you think it was the coolest pet rock ever? Is my pet rock scared of thunderstorms? Can I take it to the store? Why can't I take it to the store? It's my favorite!"

Child 1 then spots a book. "This is my favorite book ever. Did I get it for my birthday? Who got it for me? Can I have another one? I want it to sit next to me at the table when I eat? Do books eat? What do books eat? Are books made of paper? What did the book say when it was made of paper? What did you think when you saw my book? Can I take my book in the car? But it's my favorite book ever!"

Child 1 asks, "What are we doing today? Where are we going? Who are we going to see? Why are we going to Walmart?"

5 minutes later, "Why are we going to Walmart? Where are we going again? Can I buy a toy? Why can't I buy a toy? Can I bring my T-rex? But it's my favorite T-rex ever! Where are we going tomorrow? Are we going to Walmart today or tomorrow? Is it Friday tomorrow? Is tomorrow summer? Is tomorrow Christmas? What are we doing today?"

Are you exhausted yet?

Child 1's nonstop chatter, bossing, barking, talking wakes up Child 2 which immediately puts Child 1 in a bad mood. Child 2 senses this and immediately starts digging into Child 1 by grabbing his teddy bear, walking next to him and "accidentally" brushing her hand against his head... which irritates Child 1 who then starts screaming.

Child 2 gets excited and grabs whatever toy is currently Child 1's favorite and runs around the room with it and throws it at him and hits him. Child 1, who once actually had a huge rage over the fact that an animal cracker fell on his toe, falls to the floor and writhes around moaning and shouting.

Miraculously, Child 3 sleeps throughout all of this. God bless Child 3.

Child 2 walks to the fridge as if she owns it and starts pulling things out of the fridge. Mom racks her brain for all the attachment parenting phrases that she's learned from the last few weeks and starts doing positive parenting.

Child 2 looks at mom, smirks, then takes a full box of cereal, tips it over, and shakes it all over the floor. Mom looks at the mess and either says, "Hmmm.. that was an interesting choice", steps over the cereal and carries on washing the dishes or calmly goes to the pantry and hands Child 2 the broom and dustpan.

Child 2 smirks, and pulls the dogs tail. Then goes over to Child 1 and hits him. Child 1 goes berserk and wants a hug. Mom hugs Child 1 and Child 2 goes over and start pulling open all the drawers in the kitchen and emptying them. Mom shuts the drawers and Child 2 starts throwing everything off the kitchen counters.

Mom calmly picks everything up or leaves it on the floor. Child 2 goes to bookcase and starts throwing books at Mom's body. Mom kneels down and hugs Child 2 and tells her that she loves her and will never leave her. Child 2 tries to poke out Mom's eyes. Mom says "No, we use our hands for loving not for hitting" and Child 2 bites Mom on the face. Mom loses her patience and takes Child 2 to her room and sits with her on the bed. Mom gets bit 7 times in the process.

Mom must learn a better way to carry Child 2.

Child 2 destroys room. Sheets are stripped from the bed, drawers emptied, the few toys that remain are thrown into the living room. Child 2 screams that everyone is "Stinky!!" and then runs into the bathroom and turns on the faucet and tries to flood the bathroom.

By now, it's 6:30 in the morning.

This scenario is repeatedly played throughout the day. And this is just Child 2, mind you. And I'm not even going into detail about some of the tricks that are pulled. Believe it or not, there are some things that I won't put on here.

Oh, and this doesn't go into the antics and rages and fits pulled by Child 1 either. I actually have started videotaping some of his rages. Man, I wish I could post them on here, but that would probably be a huge violation of his privacy. I know, I know... here I am posting about the goings-on in our house and yet I'm rambling about privacy.

I'm a woman of contradictions.

Child 1 actually raged for an hour yesterday and I finally got the video out and taped him. Five minutes after he stopped, he asked if he could earn a toy back from the garage and I said no. He looked me in the eye and said, "But I've been so good today." I walked to the bookshelf, picked up the video camera, and played back the tape. He just laughed.

Hmmmm....

Anyway, I know full well that some of you are thinking, "Why don't you bust their butt?" Okay. I hate to admit this, but we have busted their butt. And it doesn't work. "Well, you didn't do it hard enough." Ummm... no, we probably did.

Look, I've said for a long time... especially with Child 1... that spanking doesn't work. Star charts don't work. Taking away privileges doesn't work. For Child 2... she isn't attached to anything but her blanket. She breaks every new toy within 5 minutes of getting it. We have tried every reward system you can think of... and spanking... she actually thrives on it.

So what kind of child would actually want to get spanked? What kind of child doesn't respond to traditional star charts or taking away privileges???

A child with attachment disorder. Or a child with brain trauma or neurological disorder or psychological disorder.

The one thing that we picked up on right away in the books and the therapy session with the attachment therapist is that traditional parenting does NOT work.

The problem is that RAD parenting is like doing a new dance that I don't know the steps to or speaking a language that I haven't yet learned.

And, just like autism, it's a spectrum and there are so many different techniques to use and nobody can say, "Here's the one that will make your child better." It's trial and error.

I'll post later about why we think Child 2 (and maybe Child 1?) got to be how they are and let you know some of the ways we're trying to help them.

In the meantime, if any of you want to stop over for breakfast... we've got a new box of Gorilla Munch on the floor. Some dishes, too. Oh... and there's lots of reading material scattered across the floor, as well. Our floor is basically a one-stop shop. But you'll have to go next door to use the bathroom. It's flooded and we can't flush the toilet.

We're pretty sure a certain someone flushed down a bunch of wet wipes.

Comments

Chantelle said…
Okay. Wow. I'm off to create you a 'Mom of the Year' blog badge. Perhaps 'Mom of the Decade.' I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this, but I'm SO thankful that your children have a wonderful, dedicated mom like YOU who will STICK IT OUT with them, come heck or high water. (sounds like the 'high water' part has already come!) (((((hug))))) Thank you for your REAL-ness. I AM PRAYING FOR YOU.
Chantelle said…
(P.S. I died laughing at the 1st part of your post where you listed the senseless, ENDless questions. Boo has ALWAYS been EXACTLY like that, and now that's she's a bit older, D has taken on the same traits. I read it to my husband and we both related to 'that' part 100%! There is NEVER a moment of silence!)
Lisa said…
I couldn't read and not say something.
Keep hanging in there. I'll say a prayer for ya.
Your son sounds a LOT like mine.
If you want to come to my house for breakfast instead, we have basically the same setup, minus the stopped up toilet,(because my kids are young enough to be locked out of the bathroom, unless they're being supervised).
sarah bess said…
Wow. Wow.
Sigh.
Anonymous said…
Leslie,

Honey, I just want to tell you that I love you. And that you are doing a GREAT job. You really, really are. Because somehow, some way, you are getting through the day.

Would you send me your email address? I'm at jcwaters2002@yahoo.com

Love you,
Corey
truevyne said…
Please tell me you have a weekly respite provider in town, hopefully next door. If you don't- I'd be happy to share you my "Give me a break" DVD with so you can put out feelers for someone to train.

If not, meet me at the looney bin. I'm already there.
TracyC said…
God must think really highly of you, eh? :-) He gave you a lot to handle. You are doing a great job in a sucky situation. Repeat that a million times a day because you really are doing a great job.
Anonymous said…
Leslie:
I know I don't post much but please know that I read your blogs almost daily and that I am praying for you.I agree with everyone else.You ARE doing a great job! Sendind hugs too and wishing I lived closer so I could give you a break.
Leveta
Wendy said…
I can remember the biting, hitting, spitting, scratching, wildcat my daughter was at this age. You are right, none of the normal stuff works. It just winds them up more. If I broke into tears she would laugh and smile as though it was the best present I had ever given her. She bragged about making me cry. I loved her but there were days I did not like her at all. I hated myself for failing so miserably as a parent. The worst part? She never treated her dad that way so of course he thought it was my fault, too. We didn't learn about RAD until she was 12. It's a miracle we survived (our marriage did not) and that I never gave up. She has made huge progress in the past 2 years.
Lisa H. said…
Oh, Leslie! I'm exhausted for you! How long has Miss N. been home?

I'll be praying for you. Remember, you didn't create these issues....and God is using your love for your kiddos to heal them....(This is what gives me encouragement!)

Praying for you!

Lisa H.
sandwichinwi said…
Aack! I can relate to some of that. I have one that asks for more spankings if he gets one. sigh.

You know, as highly as I think of that place these kiddos came out of, a part of me wonders what the heck they are doing to them there. Because I'm beginning to hear this same story over again. We'll have to talk more about that on the plane.

Blessings,
Sandwich
Pam said…
Hi Leslie,
I've been following for quite awhile. My son Mr. M was adopted from Noah's orphanage. I want you to know that I'm praying for you. I often wonder if some of my son's "challenging behaviors" that people tell me are disciple issues aren't really attachment issues. I'm curious to read the rest of your story to find out what led you to the diagnosis.
Big Hugs.
Pam
Anonymous said…
oh wow, I'm sorry :-(
Anonymous said…
feeling your pain sweetie...feelin your pain... we are in this together.
Mom 4 Kids said…
Thinking of you and praying for you!
Sneha V said…
Oh man.
I'm so sorry.
As in, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You don't deserve it, but you were given it for a reason. And I think it's because you can handle it. You've done SO much good in this world, that He just wants you to touch another person's life.
And I'll keep praying and hoping for you, because if anyone deserves to come out of this, it's you. And you WILL, because just from your blog, I've seen what an amazing and dedicated mother you are. I'm always thinking of how lucky all THREE of your kids are, and please know that we're all praying for you.

:)
<3
SnehaV

PS: From your last post -- I can't believe you called me Ms. World (haha, remember that?) when you're doubly, if not triply, prettier than I am. Whew. Sorry for making up words. :D
peggyblah said…
wow, leslie, i'm just now reading this. i am overwhelmed just reading it, and i now feel doubly selfish for the times i get impatient with my easyaspie baby. you are amazingly wonderful, patient, and loving. i am so impressed with all that you do just to make it through breakfast. i hope it gets easier and soon!

i hadn't ever heard of RAD, but the quick google search that i did turned up some really interesting information about RAD and PTSD. why that should help, i don't know, but it always makes things slightly easier for me when i know a) i'm not alone in my feeling, b) my feelings are valid (of course they are, but it always seems *more* okay when someone else has them, too), and c) there are support groups.

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