A Change of Direction....

... Public School!

Yep, you read right. So, pick yourself off the floor, dust off your clothes, and sit back down at the computer.

Nandi is starting school next week!

Notice the exclamation (!) mark? Does that give you a sense of how giddy I am?

Well, if Nandi could type, I'm sure she would have put a billion gazillion exclamation marks because that girl is hyped about starting school.

Of all my kids, she's the one that will really strive in public school. She has such a thirst for knowledge. It's like her little cup of knowledge never gets full. I could seriously spend 8 hours non-stop teaching her and five minutes later she'll say, "More Nandi school?"

So.... school it is.

We originally had her tested for PPCD (public pre-school for kids with disabilities) where Noah went, but she didn't qualify.

Did you catch that?

My little girl who is missing a large chunk of her brain, who we were told would never be independent and who would have severe cognitive issues for life DID NOT QUALIFY for special education.

High-fives all around.

The diagnostician said that her behavior issues could stem from the fact that she's bored. They said she's very smart and most likely bored - that she's not being challenged enough. So I am all for her being challenged - in public school. Because. I. am. worn. out.

That's right. I am passing the torch. Passing it right on to someone who will get paid to teach her.

So there ya have it.

No, seriously. It's not that bad. It's not like I'm going to throw a party or anything. Although if someone wants to stop by with a guacamole tray and some chips, I won't turn it down.

Here's the deal. It's only Pre-K. It's for three hours a day in the afternoon. I'm still going to continue working with her in the mornings and then do 1:1 with Noah and Eli in the afternoon.

So, it's no big deal.

But the thing is.... it was a huge deal trying to decide whether to put her in school or not. I mean, I literally agonized over it. I'm not joking. I was making myself sick over it. Everyone - I mean, everyone I know homeschools and I just kept thinking that I was going to be viewed as a failure if I put in Nandi in school.

I guess in my warped little mind I thought that in order to be the perfect mother that I had to homeschool, and bake bread from scratch, and sew all the kids' clothes, and make fresh food from our garden - which meant I had to garden - and do all sorts of arts and crafts and all kinds of stuff.

But here's the thing... no where in the Bible does it say that the Proverbs 31 woman has to homeschool.

Okay, quit laughing. I know the words Proverbs 31 woman and me don't exactly fit in the same sentence. But still. It was a relief to realize that the Bible doesn't say I have to homeschool my kids. Yeah, it does say "train up your children.." but you can still do that and send your kids to school.

I was putting soooooooo much pressure on myself. It was ridiculous.

And here's some other things that knocked me off my imagined Perfect Mom Pedestal...

1. I can't sew. I made a "D" in 8th grade Home Ec.

2. I can't bake bread. Yeah, my bread maker can make it, but I can't. I literally cannot handle anything that involves dough. I can't roll cookies. I can't make pizza crusts. If it involves a rolling pin then I can't do it.

3. I can't keep a garden. I've never even kept a houseplant alive for more than 3 weeks. And the ones I did manage to keep, I got tired of and put in a garage sale.

4. I am the least crafty person alive. And it's sad, really, because I come from a long line of women who could give Martha Steward a run for her money. I mean, there is some serious talent in my family. Unfortunately, it completely skipped me.

So for the past few years, I've been trying to be someone I'm not. I've been trying to fit into some mold of what I thought a perfect mom should be - and I've been miserable. The decision to try public school has been such a relief. Like there's so much pressure that's just gone now.

And, true, I'm still homeschooling the other two. But I think I was so miserable because I was deliberately holding Nandini back from something I knew would benefit her - all because it would shatter my idea of what a perfect mom should be.

Please note: I never put these standards on anyone else. It was just something that I did to myself.

I am so proud that I gave up that ideal. Now, this isn't saying that I won't homeschool her in the future, but I'm going to make a decision that's best for her and her educational needs. If she's struggling or hates it or is just plain miserable - whether it be a month from now or 6 years from now - I'll go back to homeschooling her. But if she loves it and is striving and blossoming more than she ever could at home, then school it is.

We're just waiting for a paper to come back from Austin and then she'll start. She's already registered. She's got some new school clothes. A cool new thermos and she'll finally be able to put that embroidered backpack to use.

We're all excited about this new chapter in our lives.

As for Eli and Noah... well, Eli says he's never going to school because they won't let him take his Peluche and his dinosaur toys with him. And Noah... I plan to homeschool Noah indefinitely, but we'll see how it goes. As long as he's nonverbal and in diapers, I want to keep him home. I've heard too many horror stories involving abuse and noverbal kids - so I'm confident in my decision.

And that's that. I've been blessed to know some really cool homeschool moms - and I look forward to cultivating those relationships - and now I'll get to meet some really cool public school moms. too.

It's the best of both worlds.

P.S. Nandi qualified for Public Preschool because she has a speech delay.

P.P.S. If you read my post from the other day, you might have noticed that I mentioned that I'd be 80 years old when Noah was 58. That would make me 29. Um, yeah. Only in my dreams.

See. Complete lack of mathematical skills. This is why public school might be in my kids' best interest.....