Meeting Nandini
Well, here we are. It's 9:00 in the morning and we just finished eating breakfast. Nandini ate almost a whole piece of buttered toast, some scrambled eggs, mango, pineapple, and a bit of idli (a South Indian dish). She's got a terrible cough and cold, so we're going to introduce her to the world of icky cough syrup in a minute. I may let Mom take care of that one. lol.
Okay, where to begin? No matter what I'm about to write, just know that today is better.
When we went to the orphanage yesterday, we spent about an hour doing formalities and going over paperwork. Finally, they took us to the school room where the informal school was going on. It's a bit like preschool. Anyway, there were about 10 kids in there and when we opened the door, Nandini and another little girl came running over to us and started hugging us and begging to be picked up. I was so excited because I couldn't believe she ran over to me like that. Then, she realized who I was and she went into Emotional Shutdown. Later on, we realized that she is so used to seeing parents come into the orphanage and leaving with a child - so she can get lots of attention from these parents and not have to worry about being taken away. But then she realized who we were and she wanted no part of us. Does that make sense?
So, she literally went into shutdown mode. It was if a switch had been turned off. She refused to make eye contact or acknowledge anyone. She acted like she was autistic and it scared me to death. The ayahs kept saying how smart and playful she is and how she loves puzzles and stringing beads, but they would put one in front of her and she would just sit there. Everything she did was very mechanical. Honestly, I was terrified because she was doing nothing that the reports said and she was in her own little world. Then, I noticed that she would glance at me out of the corner of her eye to see if I had left yet. When she saw I was still there, she'd quickly glance back. But that was my first clue that there's more than meets the eye.
They then took her to lunch and she refused to eat. She just kept darting her eyes to see if we were still there. It was obvious that she was mad. She was ticked off that we were coming to bring her home and she wanted no part of it. It was finally her nap time and we followed her to her crib and she climbed in and jerked the covers over her head - but every so often, she would peel down a corner of the blanket to see if we were still there and then jerk them back over her head when she saw that we were still in the room.
So, slowly, pieces of the puzzle started to emerge.
When we took her back to the hotel, she cried and cried for 2 1/2 hours non-stop. She was so angry and so scared. She wanted nothing to do with me - just Mom - because she associated me as being the person who ripped her life apart. Finally, we changed her clothes (oh yeah, she was so mad that she peed on me) and put on a new dress with hairbows and new shoes and she was a different person! She was still very mechanical with no display of emotion, but she kept pointing for us to carry her to the mirror - and she would just stare at herself. After we put on her new PJ's, she pointed me to carry her to the mirror and then she grabbed the camera for me to take a picture of her. She LOVES to look at herself and admire herself.
She also loves her pretty shoes. We were really surprised when we showed up at the orphanage and she was wearing leg braces. We had no idea. Apparantely, she just got them a month ago and hates them. Her ayah said she is self-conscious and wants to wear pretty shoes like the other girls, so she is very attached to her shoes that we bought her. That and her pink Hello Kitty toothbrush. She carries it everywhere.
Anyway, basically, Mom and I couldn't sleep last night, so we poured over all the files they gave us and went over the conversations we had in the orphanage and the behavior that we saw Nandini display and it all clicked. She has experienced a tremendous amount of loss in her short life. For three years, she's seen all her friends leave. Every friend she makes leaves. She is the last one in her orginal group. She is behind the other children physically and developmentally and cannot get the 1:1 attention she needs. They said she is very insecure and it's obvious that she does not yet know that she's with us for good. It will take a long time for her to realize that we're not going away. She needs lots and lots of praise and needs to feel pretty and special and loved. She goes into Emotional Shutdown to protect herself. She doesn't know we're not going to leave. Right now, she's in Survivor Mode. She depends on us for food, drink, toilet, and clothes. She is is slowly warming up to us, but is protecting herself, too. Everything is very robotic and mechanical - bare basics right now. But we have seen enough to know she's a smart, clever little girl and she will absolutely blossom when she gets home.
She has stopped crying - for the meantime. We saw her first smile today - her first display of emotion - and that was when I closed the door to go to the bathroom. She smiled b/c she thought I was leaving. But, hey, it was a smile.
Yesterday was a big ball of emotions, but Mom and I prayed and afterwards we realized what's going on and God's plan for her in our family. It's going to be okay. It's going to be hard and a lot of work, but she has so much potential. She really is a flower bud that is waiting to blossom.
This morning is definitely better than yesterday and it will continue to get better. I hope that you all will pray us and for Nandini. She is grieving very heavily. She has no idea what to do with a Mom or a Dad.
Will update later.
Noah's Mom
Okay, where to begin? No matter what I'm about to write, just know that today is better.
When we went to the orphanage yesterday, we spent about an hour doing formalities and going over paperwork. Finally, they took us to the school room where the informal school was going on. It's a bit like preschool. Anyway, there were about 10 kids in there and when we opened the door, Nandini and another little girl came running over to us and started hugging us and begging to be picked up. I was so excited because I couldn't believe she ran over to me like that. Then, she realized who I was and she went into Emotional Shutdown. Later on, we realized that she is so used to seeing parents come into the orphanage and leaving with a child - so she can get lots of attention from these parents and not have to worry about being taken away. But then she realized who we were and she wanted no part of us. Does that make sense?
So, she literally went into shutdown mode. It was if a switch had been turned off. She refused to make eye contact or acknowledge anyone. She acted like she was autistic and it scared me to death. The ayahs kept saying how smart and playful she is and how she loves puzzles and stringing beads, but they would put one in front of her and she would just sit there. Everything she did was very mechanical. Honestly, I was terrified because she was doing nothing that the reports said and she was in her own little world. Then, I noticed that she would glance at me out of the corner of her eye to see if I had left yet. When she saw I was still there, she'd quickly glance back. But that was my first clue that there's more than meets the eye.
They then took her to lunch and she refused to eat. She just kept darting her eyes to see if we were still there. It was obvious that she was mad. She was ticked off that we were coming to bring her home and she wanted no part of it. It was finally her nap time and we followed her to her crib and she climbed in and jerked the covers over her head - but every so often, she would peel down a corner of the blanket to see if we were still there and then jerk them back over her head when she saw that we were still in the room.
So, slowly, pieces of the puzzle started to emerge.
When we took her back to the hotel, she cried and cried for 2 1/2 hours non-stop. She was so angry and so scared. She wanted nothing to do with me - just Mom - because she associated me as being the person who ripped her life apart. Finally, we changed her clothes (oh yeah, she was so mad that she peed on me) and put on a new dress with hairbows and new shoes and she was a different person! She was still very mechanical with no display of emotion, but she kept pointing for us to carry her to the mirror - and she would just stare at herself. After we put on her new PJ's, she pointed me to carry her to the mirror and then she grabbed the camera for me to take a picture of her. She LOVES to look at herself and admire herself.
She also loves her pretty shoes. We were really surprised when we showed up at the orphanage and she was wearing leg braces. We had no idea. Apparantely, she just got them a month ago and hates them. Her ayah said she is self-conscious and wants to wear pretty shoes like the other girls, so she is very attached to her shoes that we bought her. That and her pink Hello Kitty toothbrush. She carries it everywhere.
Anyway, basically, Mom and I couldn't sleep last night, so we poured over all the files they gave us and went over the conversations we had in the orphanage and the behavior that we saw Nandini display and it all clicked. She has experienced a tremendous amount of loss in her short life. For three years, she's seen all her friends leave. Every friend she makes leaves. She is the last one in her orginal group. She is behind the other children physically and developmentally and cannot get the 1:1 attention she needs. They said she is very insecure and it's obvious that she does not yet know that she's with us for good. It will take a long time for her to realize that we're not going away. She needs lots and lots of praise and needs to feel pretty and special and loved. She goes into Emotional Shutdown to protect herself. She doesn't know we're not going to leave. Right now, she's in Survivor Mode. She depends on us for food, drink, toilet, and clothes. She is is slowly warming up to us, but is protecting herself, too. Everything is very robotic and mechanical - bare basics right now. But we have seen enough to know she's a smart, clever little girl and she will absolutely blossom when she gets home.
She has stopped crying - for the meantime. We saw her first smile today - her first display of emotion - and that was when I closed the door to go to the bathroom. She smiled b/c she thought I was leaving. But, hey, it was a smile.
Yesterday was a big ball of emotions, but Mom and I prayed and afterwards we realized what's going on and God's plan for her in our family. It's going to be okay. It's going to be hard and a lot of work, but she has so much potential. She really is a flower bud that is waiting to blossom.
This morning is definitely better than yesterday and it will continue to get better. I hope that you all will pray us and for Nandini. She is grieving very heavily. She has no idea what to do with a Mom or a Dad.
Will update later.
Noah's Mom
Comments
Praying for you guys....Stephanie
Riya did all the things that Nandini is doing. She will slowly rebuild her trust and it will be delightful. I cannot wait to see pictures of your pretty girl in designer clothes :)
paddy
hey i'm so happy for you and your mom yall finally got the lil girl of your dreams come to life.yall just hang in there it's going to be an emotional roller coaster ride for a short period of time.especially for nandini since the orphange was the only home she has always known she'll come around .i can't wait until i can get to meet her also.christie