Why I Haven't Been Blogging
I know that I haven't been blogging much lately. I don't know... I think I've just lost interest in it.
In the past, I could blog about mindless, frivolous drivel - like how Sim didn't know who Rick Springfield was or my letter to Michael Phelps or how I'll drive across Texas in order to find a bag of special edition Hershey kisses. I could write about things that were fun and lighthearted - but I just can't find that place inside me anymore.
Now, I did nearly blog the other day about how I almost had a panic attack when I thought that L'Oreal discontinued my favorite lipstick, but it just seemed pointless and unimportant - especially when compared to the real stuff going on in my life.
I don't know what to blog about anymore. I know that blogs are meant to be for the blogger only and that you should be able to blog about anything you want - but I can't help but recognize that blogging about RAD is alienating me from the people in my real life. And, quite honestly, I'm not sure if I want people in my real life (IRL) to know what's going on.
It's like I/we/my family has turned into the white elephant in the corner of the room. People just don't know how to act around us anymore. They don't know what to say - and quite frankly - I get the feeling that most don't believe us.
Many believe that a good spanking would do the trick. Put some fear into them! They'll never respect you unless they're scared of you.
Good grief. If your friends and family think it's your lack of parenting skills that are the problem... if your friends and family don't understand... then what to do you do?
Being the parent of kids with special needs is already a lonely place. I can't tell you how many friends we've lost over the years. I am still reeling over losing my best friend five years ago because she couldn't handle Noah's autism. We're talking closer than close. We talked every day. Vacationed together. The works.
And that pain is still very real.
And so you tend not to get close to people in real life because you know that sooner or later they're going to move on - especially if they have kids. If they don't have kids, they just won't understand. And if they do have kids, chances are that they'll get tired of you making excuses...
Sorry. I would love for us to all go to the movie, but Noah shrieks really loud and will run up and down the aisles and we'll get asked to leave.
You have a pool? Ummm... we can come over, but we can't play in the backyard. Noah's really attracted to water and I'll have to spend the entire time keeping him out of the pool.
Yeah, I'd love to go to the park.... as long as you don't mind hanging out at the swings. That's the only place that Noah will go to at a park.
I would love a girl's night out, but Sim works late hours and I'd have to hire a sitter and we can't really afford that. Maybe next time.
Amusement park? Water park? It'll be really crowded and I can't watch all three by myself. Nandini has a tendency to run away from me in public and Noah's in a stroller and can't go on a lot of the rides.
Birthday party? Are all three of my kids invited or just Eli? He's scared to be away from me and gets nervous around a lot of kids. Sim works weekends, so he can't watch the other two and I don't feel comfortable just dropping off Eli. Yeah, I do understand that you don't want my other two there, but Sim's working. I don't know what to do.
Sorry, I can't. I don't have anyone to watch the kids.
Don't you see? It gets pretty old after awhile.
People in my real life just don't get it. They don't understand that it's no fun for me to hang out with a bunch of people when I'll have to keep dragging Noah away from the pool or the pond or the road. There's no point in going if I'm going to spend the whole time doing that.
And I realize that people might find it easier just not to invite us places. Who really wants their day/party/event ruined by a shrieking, flapping, spinning child? Or a daredevil child that has no fear? Or an almost 6 year old who is scared of everything and suffers anxiety? I understand that it's probably just a lot easier for us to just stay home.
I really do.
I'm also aware that I turn every conversation into a therapy session. I know I do it. But this is my whole world. This has been my world for nearly 7 years. I'm pretty sure that I used to have a life outside of this, but I can't quite remember what it was. I know that I can be an emotionally exhausting person to be around. I know that.
And I also know that unless you're going through it or have been through it then it's really hard to understand.
Do you realize that pretty much not a single person in my real life has asked how we're doing? No one has called up and said, "Hey, I don't have a clue what you're going through, but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you."
People don't know how to act around us. They don't know what to say. And most think it's a parenting issue - a discipline issue - and think we should get out the belt and quit whining.
Can't you see why I don't want to blog anymore?
I just don't know what to blog about. I don't want to blog about what's going on and be made to feel vulnerable and exposed when most people think it's our fault anyway.
And then it seems really stupid to blog about nonsense stuff when the truth is that we're really hurting right now. This RAD stuff is kicking our butt. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. Sim and I will look at each other at night and just think, "How the hell are we going to get through this?"
It is frightening to realize that your child's future depends on whether you have the patience, resources, money, and energy to help them get through it.
That's a powerful burden to bear.
And it's easy to say give it to God. That God has his own special plan for our children. And that's true. But I don't think God wants us to sit on our butt and not do anything.
The problem is that we don't know what He wants us to do. And what if it's not His plan for my kids to heal? Do you understand that RAD kids are the ones who can kill? Who can easily end up in gangs? Who get institutionalized? Who end up in jail?
Do you have any idea what it's like to live with that?
It's hard to enjoy the moment of the day when you are scared to death of the future.
I don't know. I've blogged way to much. Spouted out more than I even wanted to and now I feel really vulnerable and foolish and exposed.
I hate to lump RAD in with mental illness (but it is sorta the same thing), but I've often read that living with someone who has mental illness is the hardest thing in the world to do because people just don't understand. It is so misunderstood.
By the time you read this, I'll be feeling a lot better. Actually, it's like a huge weight has been lifted off me because I've really wanted to say all this for a long time and I really didn't know how.
I'm hoping that this blog post will break the proverbial ice and I'll be able to write again.
And despite how this post sounds, I'm really trying to stay and positive and see the good things that are happening. They're few and far between.... but they're happening.
I just feel, though, that I really needed to get this out. I really just needed... to say it. That's all.
In the past, I could blog about mindless, frivolous drivel - like how Sim didn't know who Rick Springfield was or my letter to Michael Phelps or how I'll drive across Texas in order to find a bag of special edition Hershey kisses. I could write about things that were fun and lighthearted - but I just can't find that place inside me anymore.
Now, I did nearly blog the other day about how I almost had a panic attack when I thought that L'Oreal discontinued my favorite lipstick, but it just seemed pointless and unimportant - especially when compared to the real stuff going on in my life.
I don't know what to blog about anymore. I know that blogs are meant to be for the blogger only and that you should be able to blog about anything you want - but I can't help but recognize that blogging about RAD is alienating me from the people in my real life. And, quite honestly, I'm not sure if I want people in my real life (IRL) to know what's going on.
It's like I/we/my family has turned into the white elephant in the corner of the room. People just don't know how to act around us anymore. They don't know what to say - and quite frankly - I get the feeling that most don't believe us.
Many believe that a good spanking would do the trick. Put some fear into them! They'll never respect you unless they're scared of you.
Good grief. If your friends and family think it's your lack of parenting skills that are the problem... if your friends and family don't understand... then what to do you do?
Being the parent of kids with special needs is already a lonely place. I can't tell you how many friends we've lost over the years. I am still reeling over losing my best friend five years ago because she couldn't handle Noah's autism. We're talking closer than close. We talked every day. Vacationed together. The works.
And that pain is still very real.
And so you tend not to get close to people in real life because you know that sooner or later they're going to move on - especially if they have kids. If they don't have kids, they just won't understand. And if they do have kids, chances are that they'll get tired of you making excuses...
Sorry. I would love for us to all go to the movie, but Noah shrieks really loud and will run up and down the aisles and we'll get asked to leave.
You have a pool? Ummm... we can come over, but we can't play in the backyard. Noah's really attracted to water and I'll have to spend the entire time keeping him out of the pool.
Yeah, I'd love to go to the park.... as long as you don't mind hanging out at the swings. That's the only place that Noah will go to at a park.
I would love a girl's night out, but Sim works late hours and I'd have to hire a sitter and we can't really afford that. Maybe next time.
Amusement park? Water park? It'll be really crowded and I can't watch all three by myself. Nandini has a tendency to run away from me in public and Noah's in a stroller and can't go on a lot of the rides.
Birthday party? Are all three of my kids invited or just Eli? He's scared to be away from me and gets nervous around a lot of kids. Sim works weekends, so he can't watch the other two and I don't feel comfortable just dropping off Eli. Yeah, I do understand that you don't want my other two there, but Sim's working. I don't know what to do.
Sorry, I can't. I don't have anyone to watch the kids.
Don't you see? It gets pretty old after awhile.
People in my real life just don't get it. They don't understand that it's no fun for me to hang out with a bunch of people when I'll have to keep dragging Noah away from the pool or the pond or the road. There's no point in going if I'm going to spend the whole time doing that.
And I realize that people might find it easier just not to invite us places. Who really wants their day/party/event ruined by a shrieking, flapping, spinning child? Or a daredevil child that has no fear? Or an almost 6 year old who is scared of everything and suffers anxiety? I understand that it's probably just a lot easier for us to just stay home.
I really do.
I'm also aware that I turn every conversation into a therapy session. I know I do it. But this is my whole world. This has been my world for nearly 7 years. I'm pretty sure that I used to have a life outside of this, but I can't quite remember what it was. I know that I can be an emotionally exhausting person to be around. I know that.
And I also know that unless you're going through it or have been through it then it's really hard to understand.
Do you realize that pretty much not a single person in my real life has asked how we're doing? No one has called up and said, "Hey, I don't have a clue what you're going through, but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you."
People don't know how to act around us. They don't know what to say. And most think it's a parenting issue - a discipline issue - and think we should get out the belt and quit whining.
Can't you see why I don't want to blog anymore?
I just don't know what to blog about. I don't want to blog about what's going on and be made to feel vulnerable and exposed when most people think it's our fault anyway.
And then it seems really stupid to blog about nonsense stuff when the truth is that we're really hurting right now. This RAD stuff is kicking our butt. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. Sim and I will look at each other at night and just think, "How the hell are we going to get through this?"
It is frightening to realize that your child's future depends on whether you have the patience, resources, money, and energy to help them get through it.
That's a powerful burden to bear.
And it's easy to say give it to God. That God has his own special plan for our children. And that's true. But I don't think God wants us to sit on our butt and not do anything.
The problem is that we don't know what He wants us to do. And what if it's not His plan for my kids to heal? Do you understand that RAD kids are the ones who can kill? Who can easily end up in gangs? Who get institutionalized? Who end up in jail?
Do you have any idea what it's like to live with that?
It's hard to enjoy the moment of the day when you are scared to death of the future.
I don't know. I've blogged way to much. Spouted out more than I even wanted to and now I feel really vulnerable and foolish and exposed.
I hate to lump RAD in with mental illness (but it is sorta the same thing), but I've often read that living with someone who has mental illness is the hardest thing in the world to do because people just don't understand. It is so misunderstood.
By the time you read this, I'll be feeling a lot better. Actually, it's like a huge weight has been lifted off me because I've really wanted to say all this for a long time and I really didn't know how.
I'm hoping that this blog post will break the proverbial ice and I'll be able to write again.
And despite how this post sounds, I'm really trying to stay and positive and see the good things that are happening. They're few and far between.... but they're happening.
I just feel, though, that I really needed to get this out. I really just needed... to say it. That's all.
Comments
Dear Leslie's friends:
If you are sitting there thinking, "Well, it's her own fault." or "I've never seen it, so it must not be true." or "If she would just ..." ...
Bridge that gap. Ask her to teach you, and listen and learn. Believe her ... ya' know, because you know her and you have watched her sacrificial life. Understand why you have not, and probably will not, ever see the worst of it.
Bring them dinner! Plan a Mommy gathering around her kids and their needs.
Apologize.
They are committed and willing to live this. They are being Jesus every second of every day. They didn't expect a lot of this, but God is not surprised. They will flourish with a support system around them.
Are you a part of that, or are you using your silence and absence to further alienate their precious family? They need you. Come on. Get on it!
Don't make me come down there ...
Fact: the average baby sitter cannot handle my girls. My older two, yes--if they remember to notice that Sophie can just wander off quietly. The younger two, no way. We've got no family here. It's me and it's Jeff watching these kiddos 24-7. Panic attack.
Anyway, let me tell you: you said everything that I've been feeling. Real people do not get it. I am so sick of the "she's just sneaky and if you beat the $%$^ out of her, she'd stop." Can't go to this outing, that party, those activities: been there, not done that.
Bottom line: I feel your pain.
I'm glad you got that off your chest.
Now, girlfriends....get off your asses!
No one ever said it would be easy. Be Christ to this family who is doing their very best to be Christ to their children.
Leslie: The enemy of your soul would have you stop blogging. He would have you feel isolated. Resist that temptation.
You may be guessing that all my conversations turn into therapy sessions too. Any who ...
Keep blogging and reaching out to families who do get it. Who are living it too. Hugs and Support coming your way!
THANK YOU! Thank you for being brave enough to say so much that needed to be said for so many families that are dealing with this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Lord, I ask for non-digital friends for Leslie who will physically come around her and her family and support her and show her the love that SHE needs. I pray for friends that will be patient and will bend every possible way just to spend time with her, no matter the circumstances, because it's what SHE needs. I pray against Leslie's feelings of hopelessness and fear of the future in Jesus' name. I pray she will know your FULL peace and that people, YOUR people will step up and go beyond themselves to reach out to this family.
Blessings!
Hannah
The challenges we have dealt with and still deal with have been indescribable, and we really can't talk about it to anyone because no one understands or believes us. Everyone sees the "sweet girl" on the surface and thinks she's just a perfect angel, that any problems we have are just our own or "normal teenage" issues.
I am working hard to get caught up on some things around here, but hopefully soon I'll get a bit of time and start messaging with you on Facebook. I'm not sure I will be much help to you, but I can at least relate in a way that others can't.
God bless!
I 100% believe everything you say about your kid's behaviours and I 100% believe that you are doing the very best that can be done for your children. I support you completely.
Don't feel like you have to blog 'light and fluffy'. Blog heavy and thick whenever you want if it makes you feel better. I love reading what you say no matter what consistancy it is. :)
((((((((((hug))))))))))))
I ditto everything Christine said. Verbatim. I, as you know, have lived in the silent world that is living in RADland. No one gets it unless they've lived it. We lived in almost complete hibernation for almost the 1st year and it was such a lonely place to be.
Blogging helped with the loneliness and connected me with parents who understood what I was living with.
Don't stop blogging. I would miss you. Also, if you're worried about the IRL people who don't get it reading, think about doing another anonymous blog and call all the RAD moms over for tea. We'll be happy to join you. ;-)
Do you have any idea what it's like to live with that?"
Oh, I so KNOW what it's like to live with this deep down in my own hidden soul. Come meet my charming son (he really is!), and I'll bet you'll see right through the polish to the ever present lies, manipulation and fear. You've been given eyes to see what others refuse to see in a child. Honestly, I think it is a gift to live in the reality of seeing, so healing even has the possibility to occur.
My husband works late nights and weekends too, and it's lonely and isolating. I don't have a sitter for my thirteen year old son- who'd understand that I need one in the first place?
Keep on, sista. I'm thinking of pilgrim in Pilgrim's Progress- it's the hard but good road.
There are several other lovely comments and I can not add anything that is any better than what has already said.
What I can/will say is...I've BTDT along with you. I could have wrote this very same post ONLY add in the disruption portion...and it is me. My life. Your life. All RAD-ish moms lives!
Hang in there!!
:) Love Gala
You are not alone. Reactive Attachment Disorder IS a mental disorder in the diagnostic manual used by the mental health profession. (((((((hugs))))))))) You deserve some time out. Can you see if your county has respite providers? They should have trained people who can give your some time out to reenergize. Not only do you deserve it but you NEED it.
Please continue to write your feelings. It will build your support system. If there are others who are not understanding about RAD find articles and print them to educate them.
If they are truly your friends who care for you they have just not understood what is truly going on. Let them know. We will all be back to see how you are doing because we care and are concerned about you.
(((HUGS))) and please don't stop blogging. I have missed your posts lately.
If nothing else, let it be that last link to your "normal" life. Or let it be therapy. Please make a private blog, if that's what you need to do, but for sure, girl, INVITE ME!
And please come to my house to play. ALL of you! I'll push Noah on the swing!
Love,
Sandwich
Can I call you? Everyday? (Even if I'm mad jealous that Christine is moving to Texas and not Virginny?)
I was telling someone yesterday that on the one hand, I would LIKE to wish all of this away, all of the horrible awfulness that 2 of my kids in particular have brought us. But on the other, if it was not for them, I would never have met any of the amazing moms I have met on this journey. I would never have believed you, or Christine, or anyone else about how your/our kids truly are. An empathy builder? Yeah, RAD will do that for you! Sister, I hear everything you are saying, and lots of things you are NOT saying. And I get every single word of it. I could have written this blog post.
Unlike Christine, I don't have much hope for your "normal" friends. They might as well be from another planet. What we live through is not within their scope of understanding. If we can't find PROFESSIONALS who can grasp it, how can we expect our friends to comprehend any of it? For me, it's part of the grief of RAD.. the loss of "all things normal." And I'm sad about those people who used to be part of my life, but with whom I have nothing in common any more.. but man, I am SO blessed to have Christine, and you, and all the other Moms who are just trying to hold it together every day.
I might barely know you, Leslie, but I know the ins and outs of your every day, and I love you because you GET UP IN THE MORNING.
You can bring your flappy, fearful, oppositional, runaway crew to my house any day. They won't even stand out!
See, people do care and people do know what you go through. The ones that are ment to be in your life will be. The ones that can not "get it" or are not willing to try, or just plain do not want to educate them selves on anyting other than the "norm" will keep heir distance.
I will keep running to you and being there for you no matter how big or how little. No matter what, NO MATTER WHAT! X O X O
I just found you through Christine.
You are pouring your life, your soul, and your strength into these kids. Being Jesus to tough kids is hard work. I never imagined how hard.
You've got to have a break. Ask your homestudy agency for respite care references. Find a crisis nursery. Find another adoptive mom who knows the drill. You've got to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your kids.
Be bold in asking for help. Post on your blog some of the things you CAN do with your kids. Ask people to do specific things. If it is easiest at home with no other kids, ask your friends to get a sitter and come have coffee.
I pray some local friends come and pick you up and love on you.
Hang in there. You can do this.
Blessings,
Juliec
I am so sorry. I completely understand your pain and isolation. I will be praying right now that one good friend--maybe another adoptive mother--will come along, IRL. Until then, please don't stop blogging. You are not blogging just to those that don't understand. You are connected to all of us who are going through the same thing.
This is a deep, true and lovely sacrificial ministry to these little precious lives. Hang in there.
I also don't believe in coincidences, and my word verification is "blessed". And you and your family are blessed, with a plan God had laid out that you may never fully understand in this world. God has his hands on your and your babies, and as you know by now after all these comments, you have MANY, MANY prayers going up on your behalf.
Love and Prayers, Lisa S.
I understand what you say about breaking the ice. I identify with you about not blogging because I fear exploring the deeper issues. You give me the courage to talk about what I have been experiencing lately.
Your Mom job is more important than any of us can say. Your sacrifice is nothing short of being Jesus for your family. I pray that the Lord will bless you and your family.
Blogging is the only way I can vent and access a world that understands. That doesn't see and believe the charming fronts my kids present.
At the same time, the few friends and family I have that read my blog are getting an education and insight into the life of a RAD parent and what I'm dealing with on a day to day basis. I don't have to try to convince them or waste my breath.
I hope yo continue to blog.
Mary in TX
http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com
Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(12)
Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE 11/06
Finally finalized on Kitty(14) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!
Finalized on her brother Bear 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.
" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
You don't know me, I was hijacked by Christine's blog and found myself here. I only have the smallest idea of what raising a child with RAD entails as my nephew was recently diagnosed. I do however have a severely autistic son and my life is his therapy, researching other resources and trying to spend quality time with his older brothers.
I just want to say that you are so incredibly BRAVE! You put in this post so many thoughts that I have thought of writing on my own blog. I'm just not quite ready to be so vulnerable and admit how powerless I am and how HARD my life is right now.
It is hard! Somedays it sucks! It may sound trite but I truly believe in the power of prayer and I'll keep you and your family in mine.
Cynthia
On a side note, I wanted to point you to a blog. It's written by a man who was once a RADish himself. He is writing TO parents about what it is like to be him. It's an amazing look inside the heart and mind of a child with RAD.
http://ofaat.blogspot.com/
You won't be sorry you read it. Not at all. His post today was heart stopping.
Do NOT ever stop blogging. Thinking and praying for you.
Paddy
he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psalm 23:2-4 (in Context) Psalm 23 Psalm 41:3
The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness.
Psalm 41:2-4 (in Context) Psalm 41
Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Psalm 51:11-13 (in Context) Psalm 51
I am definately not in your shoes, but I must say you are a miraculous women. I can say that God will restore your days... I don't have a lot of time to reply but dwell on the Lord...
With Love Steph's Swimmers
I've been reading your blog for a long time now - a couple years, probably. But I've never commented. I just wanted to tell you that I've admired you since I first found you, and hold you in the highest esteem for the way you live your life. You inspire me to be more patient, loving, creative, and involved. I enjoy every single one of your posts - the deep, the silly, and the in-between. So I just wanted to say that when you do feel the inspiration to blog again, no matter what it's about, I'll be reading and enjoying every word. Thank you for being here.
- Amy
Without even knowing you here's what I want to tell you. YOU are an amazing woman and an incredible mother. I am so proud of you and if our world was filled with people that even had a fraction of your fortitude, love and dedication you would bet this world would be an infinitely better place.
And if you live anywhere near the Philadelphia area, stop by my blog, leave me your number and I will come over after dinner and while you are doing your nightly routine I will help clean your kitchen and throw in a load of laundry and quick run the vacuum and ignore the screams and defiance and the tantrums and when you are done we will sit on your sofa and eat take out, drink wine, indulge in ice cream and while we are picking out our chick flick pay per view movie we will laugh and cry over todays antics and we will get it all out...or as much as we can for the day and we will escape for 2 hours in a movie. And before we say good night we will plan our date for next time because thats what friends and family do.
I hope your inner circle "hears" you and if not I hope you find a better circle. Lastly, I hope you are a Philly girl because I am coming over :) You don't know me enough to know I am serious but I am.
Love, friendship & understanding, Cindy
nope,I respect you because you are hanging on.
Keep hanging on. Don't let go. I will pray for God to meet you, to make a way in the darkness.
Know that there are some of us non-RADish mama's who pray for you, who believe in what you are doing, who know that we are ALL broken, all of us. And who know that someday, we may be where you are, and hope that when we are, someone will be praying for us, and beleiving in us, and telling us to hang on.
That's a lot. A lot of people who support and stand behind you.
A lot of people who love to read your blogs. Who don't mind listening to your "therapy sessions". A lot of people who think what you are doing is absolutely wonderful.
And a whole lotta people who are going to miss you if you stop blogging.
I can't pretend to know what it's like.
I really, honestly can't.
But if there weren't quite a few miles separating us, I would go and give your friends quite a mouthful.
It isn't your fault. It never has been. It's a crazy amount for anyone to deal with..and watching you do so is SO SO SO VERY inspirational to the rest of the world.
And we'd miss that.
Most of all, we'd miss YOU.
You're a great person, and your kids just add to that greatness.
If your friends can't see that...screw 'em (said in the most respectful manner).
There's bigger & better people out there for ya.
<3
Sneha
If the hard is what you have going do not be afraid to release it in your writing - hopefully the release of the words with help some with the emotions.
You have support here - I know that does not help with getting some time for yourself - so please let us encouarge you with our words as you amaze us with yours.
I can understand on some level. I don't have rad kids but I do have several w/ various sn's that have isolated us from other families. It is lonely and some days are tougher than others.
Praying for you and your precious children.
Please, email me, when you can. I'd love to talk. generalhysteria AT gmail DOT com.
On my blog I make a strong effort to tell it like it is and I think I may get 1/3 of the reality expressed.
Real people? Forget it. You can see the muscles in their faces solidify as they try desperately not to look at you in horror. It shows anyway. Thinking, clearly she is over- reacting, what did she expect with that poor kid, the kid looks fine to me must be the parents.... etc.
It helped me tremendously to know that there were other parents out there having the same struggles and surviving it (and some days I mean that literally, still breathing at the end of the day is a success). Anyway, I hope this, and all the others, helps a tiny bit.
I have a 14 year old that is, lets just say "unique"... and I hvae cried myself to sleep many nights feeling alienated, alone, hopeless, and exhausted.
Somedays I wish he has a visible disability so I everyone could see "this is what he struggles with..."
From reading these comments... you have alot of good friends!
I have learned never, never, never be ashamed to be honest and say "I jsut can't do this parenting thing alone right now and I need a shoulder to cry on!" ... We aren't martyrs... just mothers, doing the best we can. As a mom, you know your child better than anyone else...
Mark
You can contact me to vent anytime you want..I may not understand fully but I do..
Hugs,
Robin
I get tired too. As for friends, I don't have too many but I am grateful for the ones I have. I have mostly found this road of adopting a SN child mostly lonely, at the times when I could really use a friend.
I have a feeling a lot of us can really relate to your post in one way or another, though we might not have the courage to say it on our blogs. Thanks for your honesty. And those around you are the ones who are missing out. Noah is obviously special and they choose not to see his uniqueness as a gift. If they feel uncomfortable, it is b/c they choose to.
I love Christine's reply. Very well said.
It is 5:30am and my son has been up since 3am, again, and I have hit bottom. So has my husband, who never hits bottom, and that is usually been what;s kept me going is that he seems to be able to rise above Charlie's autism and let me be the one to rant, complain, and give up at 4am. SO I jumped on-line, determined to find a solution to what I've decided is a yeast issue, and I came across your blog (in a long, ciruitous way). And I am so glad. Everything I've been feeling and thinking is spilled across your entries. Charlie is turning 5 on Tuesday. He is not potty trained yet. I'm having panic attacks about his kindergarten placement. I am lamenting the loss of several friendships with people I've known a long time. Thank you for writing. Thank you for being so honest. I think I may be a ble to go back to sleep now. I hope you are feeling better these days. Its such a roller coaster, isn't it?
Sincerely,
Jessica in NY
I totally understand what you're going through. Five was a VERY hard year for us. Not as hard as three, but Noah was still waking up at 3:00 every morning when he was five.
And my husband is also the one who can rise above it, too, so I understand what it's like when both of you are down at the same time. Usually, we're opposite, so one of us is the voice of reason... but when we've both had it... well, it feels like we're in a black hole with no way of escaping.
Hope you can get some sleep. And, seriously, email anytime.
Leslie :-)