The Get Real Challenge
My friend Amy turned me on to a blog that I really like.. The Voice of Adventure. And, Angel, the owner of the blog, issued a challenge yesterday for us to all Get Real and stop sugarcoating things.
Well, I don’t think I try to sugarcoat anything. I think everyone and their dog now knows about all the problems we’ve been going through. The saga of the never-ending lice. The biting. The fact that we can’t seem to get Nandini to realize that my arm is not a chew toy. That no matter what I say, I’ve never quite gotten over Noah having autism. My fear that Eli will grow up to be a T-Rex impersonator at children’s birthday parties.
However, as I love nothing more than a challenge – and can’t afford therapy (because all our budgeted therapy money goes towards the kids’ therapy)… I am jumping at the chance, once again, to air all our dirty laundry. Because, there is nothing better than getting things off your chest.
So, here goes…
1. I am a procrastinator. We leave for OT in 30 minutes and two kids are still asleep and two of us are still in our pajamas. Oh, and since I went out in public yesterday, I actually wore make-up. It’s still on my face. I never wash my face at night, so I wake up with mascara caked eyelids and black smudges on my pillow. Very attractive, I know.
2. I have a million personal emails to reply to. See #1. Yes, instead of responding to everyone’s emails, I am blogging about how I haven’t responded to everyone’s emails.
3. I don’t have nearly as many friends as I used to. See #2 and #1.
Okay, seriously…
4. I still have meltdowns over Noah. Am I not doing enough? Did we choose the wrong things? Will he be in diapers for the rest of his life? What will happen when I die? Who will take care of him? Instead of giving all this God, I still carry this weight on my shoulders. Despite knowing all I know, I still struggle with the faith to turn all this over to God. Sometimes I actually do, and then the next day, I try to take control again.
5. Sometimes, I question God. And then I feel guilty and horrible. But, I still don’t understand why God created us if He knew that all this was going to happen. There is so much grief and pain and suffering in the world. I don’t think God created this. I think man created this. But why did God create us in the first place if He knew it would happen?
6. I think too much.
7. I feel guilty about the things I think.
8. I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, when I know that I am SO incredibly blessed and that, despite what I think, nothing bad has really ever happened to me.
9. I worry from saying that statement that something bad will now happen.
10. I then worry that I might need professional help.
Okay, enough about that….
11. I have struggled for the last several years with being a SAHM. Truthfully, I’m a career person. I enjoy climbing the corporate ladder. I LOVED working. It’s only in the last few weeks (literally) that I am coming to terms with staying at home.
12. Sim is trapped in a job that he can’t stand… but we need the insurance and two of our kids have pre-existing conditions. I hate the fact that he has to spend the next 30 years in his job simply because we need the insurance. Yet, I know how lucky we are that he has a good job and that we have insurance.
13. I feel guilty that we’re in Texas because of my family, while I know that Sim misses his back in England.
14. I sometimes (okay, most times) worry if I made the right decision to homeschool. I know I will continue to homeschool Noah, but I daily question whether to send Eli and Nandini.
15. I regret moving from Denton (and Midlothian). I miss my friends and my life. I miss the conveniences. I hate driving back to Dallas for everything. And no matter how nice everyone is out here, and how much I love our church, or how much I love our house and the lake… I worry that I will never feel at home here.
16. We spend $786 a month on gas. (!!!!) Sim still hasn’t been able to get transferred, so he spends 4 hours a day commuting to work. The housing market sucks, and my parents just moved to our town to be closer to us… so we feel stuck.
17. Despite being dead broke and at my wit’s end, I still want to adopt again someday. Does that make me crazy?
18. Even though I know better, I still rely on frozen pancakes and bagel bites for many meals.
19. No matter how hard I try, I am simply too tired to give up coffee.
20. Nandini sleeps in our bed…. And Sim is sleeping in Nandi’s bed. I HATE THAT!!! But he can’t sleep with Nandi because she tosses and turns all night. And if Nandi sleeps by herself, then she wakes up 10 – 15 times a night with night terrors – and then none of us get any sleep. I hate it so much – I can’t even begin to tell you much it bothers me. But we don’t know what to do. Does anyone have a king size bed they'd like to donate??? :-)
Ahhhhh, there we go. I feel so much better now. I’ve aired it all. Well, not all of it. Believe it or not, I do keep SOME things to myself. Like how much I chocolate I consume in one day……
So, if any of you want to do the Get Real challenge, just go over to Angel’s blog and sign up. It’s the best free therapy you’ll ever get.
Well, I don’t think I try to sugarcoat anything. I think everyone and their dog now knows about all the problems we’ve been going through. The saga of the never-ending lice. The biting. The fact that we can’t seem to get Nandini to realize that my arm is not a chew toy. That no matter what I say, I’ve never quite gotten over Noah having autism. My fear that Eli will grow up to be a T-Rex impersonator at children’s birthday parties.
However, as I love nothing more than a challenge – and can’t afford therapy (because all our budgeted therapy money goes towards the kids’ therapy)… I am jumping at the chance, once again, to air all our dirty laundry. Because, there is nothing better than getting things off your chest.
So, here goes…
1. I am a procrastinator. We leave for OT in 30 minutes and two kids are still asleep and two of us are still in our pajamas. Oh, and since I went out in public yesterday, I actually wore make-up. It’s still on my face. I never wash my face at night, so I wake up with mascara caked eyelids and black smudges on my pillow. Very attractive, I know.
2. I have a million personal emails to reply to. See #1. Yes, instead of responding to everyone’s emails, I am blogging about how I haven’t responded to everyone’s emails.
3. I don’t have nearly as many friends as I used to. See #2 and #1.
Okay, seriously…
4. I still have meltdowns over Noah. Am I not doing enough? Did we choose the wrong things? Will he be in diapers for the rest of his life? What will happen when I die? Who will take care of him? Instead of giving all this God, I still carry this weight on my shoulders. Despite knowing all I know, I still struggle with the faith to turn all this over to God. Sometimes I actually do, and then the next day, I try to take control again.
5. Sometimes, I question God. And then I feel guilty and horrible. But, I still don’t understand why God created us if He knew that all this was going to happen. There is so much grief and pain and suffering in the world. I don’t think God created this. I think man created this. But why did God create us in the first place if He knew it would happen?
6. I think too much.
7. I feel guilty about the things I think.
8. I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, when I know that I am SO incredibly blessed and that, despite what I think, nothing bad has really ever happened to me.
9. I worry from saying that statement that something bad will now happen.
10. I then worry that I might need professional help.
Okay, enough about that….
11. I have struggled for the last several years with being a SAHM. Truthfully, I’m a career person. I enjoy climbing the corporate ladder. I LOVED working. It’s only in the last few weeks (literally) that I am coming to terms with staying at home.
12. Sim is trapped in a job that he can’t stand… but we need the insurance and two of our kids have pre-existing conditions. I hate the fact that he has to spend the next 30 years in his job simply because we need the insurance. Yet, I know how lucky we are that he has a good job and that we have insurance.
13. I feel guilty that we’re in Texas because of my family, while I know that Sim misses his back in England.
14. I sometimes (okay, most times) worry if I made the right decision to homeschool. I know I will continue to homeschool Noah, but I daily question whether to send Eli and Nandini.
15. I regret moving from Denton (and Midlothian). I miss my friends and my life. I miss the conveniences. I hate driving back to Dallas for everything. And no matter how nice everyone is out here, and how much I love our church, or how much I love our house and the lake… I worry that I will never feel at home here.
16. We spend $786 a month on gas. (!!!!) Sim still hasn’t been able to get transferred, so he spends 4 hours a day commuting to work. The housing market sucks, and my parents just moved to our town to be closer to us… so we feel stuck.
17. Despite being dead broke and at my wit’s end, I still want to adopt again someday. Does that make me crazy?
18. Even though I know better, I still rely on frozen pancakes and bagel bites for many meals.
19. No matter how hard I try, I am simply too tired to give up coffee.
20. Nandini sleeps in our bed…. And Sim is sleeping in Nandi’s bed. I HATE THAT!!! But he can’t sleep with Nandi because she tosses and turns all night. And if Nandi sleeps by herself, then she wakes up 10 – 15 times a night with night terrors – and then none of us get any sleep. I hate it so much – I can’t even begin to tell you much it bothers me. But we don’t know what to do. Does anyone have a king size bed they'd like to donate??? :-)
Ahhhhh, there we go. I feel so much better now. I’ve aired it all. Well, not all of it. Believe it or not, I do keep SOME things to myself. Like how much I chocolate I consume in one day……
So, if any of you want to do the Get Real challenge, just go over to Angel’s blog and sign up. It’s the best free therapy you’ll ever get.
Comments
Pam
Pam.. I lurked on your blog when you were bringing Micah home. I remember you from the Dillon Special Needs list - although I haven't been on in awhile (and was mostly a lurker there, too). Both of our boys came home from India and we brought home Nandini from India last year through Holt. Thanks for stopping by!
Leslie
About the beds: We have a queen. We put a twin between our bed and the wall and now we have lots o' bed! We can sleep: dh & me in queen, Sunshine in twin; dh & Martand in queen, me & BB in twin, dh & me in queen, Sunshine and Daisy in twin. It varies by the night, but it gives us lots of flexiblity.
Most nights Sunshine starts out in the twin but then climbs in next to me in the queen so it's dh, me & Sunshine in the queen, no one in the twin.
Probably WAY too real for everyone.
Blessings,
Sandwich
Hang in there and keep your head up.
Hi Wendy - nice to meet you! We do live in Texas - but N. East Texas -out at Cedar Creek Lake. In the boondocks. lol.
Ah Sandwich - you crack me up!!! I love the idea about scooting a twin bed up next to ours. The only problem is that we use our bedroom as our homeschooling room (oh, I know. Totally romantic, huh?) and so there's no room. Blech. But great idea, though!
Nice to meet you, Elizabeth! I checked out your site and your cards are awesome. You're really talented!! And, yes, I miss that area, too. Sooo convenient!
Leslie