My Mental Health Day

Two posts in 24 hours? I know! Might as well sit down and type while I've got the gumption.

The other day Sim took a day off work because he said I needed a "Mental Health" day. Bwahahaha! Ya think?!

It happened to be on a day that I was already scheduled to drive to Dallas for a doctor's appointment. But, Sim, being the awesome guy that he is, agreed to come and keep me and the kids company. Yes! He drove the 3 hour round trip drive on his day off. He's a good man, Charlie Brown!

On the way to the appointment, we made a quick stop at my friend Liza's house. She was at work, but she had some stuff for Nandi, and her parents were home, so we ran by for a few minutes.

Okay, let me explain. Liza is originally from Uzbekistan. Her parents are Russian. Have you ever attempted to make a "quick stop" at a Russian's house?

We walked in and there were plates of Russian meatballs and little bowls of fruit and vegetables and slices of lemon and bowls of olives and all sorts of wafer dessert-y things. Y'all, we had 10 minutes. TEN minutes!

“No! No! Eat. Lez-lee. See-me-un. Stay! Eat!”

I love the way they say Simeon’s name. If I don’t pay attention, it sounds like they’re calling him Semen and because I’m really just a 14 year old girl at heart, it makes me giggle every time.

And then Liza’s dad was all,

“See-me-un! You drink! Russian beer. Gut stuff! Meatballs. Russian beer. You like, no? Eat! Drink! Jeers! (which was really “Cheers” and again the giggles just overflowed).

And Sim turned to me and was like,

“Why don’t you go ahead and take Noah and Naveen to the doctor and come back when you’re done.”

Say what? It’s MY Mental Health Day, dude. MY MHD!

But what was I going to do? I didn’t want to be that wife. You know, the one that tells her semen that he can’t have his Russian beer and meatballs (giggle giggle snort snort). And besides, Liza’s mom really did go out of her way to prepare everything and it would have been rude. And, dang, those meatballs were good. So I scarfed one down, took the kids, and hit the road. Leaving See-me-un and Mikhail toasting each other and knocking one back.

So, after the appointment, I decided to take a shortcut back to Liza’s house (aka.. the highway) and don’t you know there was a wreck?! What should of taken me 10 minutes took me 50 and by the time I arrived, we had to drive straight back home to pick up Nandi and Eli from school.

I was so bummed because I had all these visions of looking at the Halloween stuff at Michael’s and dragging Sim through Hobby Lobby and pointing out which garden gnomes I hope he gets me for Christmas. Especially since an evil troll, oddly named See-me-un, keeps breaking mine with the lawn mower. But, nope, no time. We had to head back.

And then, because I’m doing my best to see the silver lining in everything and I didn't want to spoil the day, I just decided to keep my mouth shut for the whole ride home. Some may call that the silent treatment, but I refer to it as just being really smart and not saying something you’re gonna regret.

Then when we got home, it was time for the kids to get out of school and Sim got to see firsthand what goes on from the hours of 3.30 – 8pm every day. First of all, progress cards were sent home that day. And Sim and I immediately decided that the word Progress Report is a complete and total oxymoron.

Progress? We don’t see no stinking progress!!

The results of the progress reports (1 kid failing 2 subjects and passing 1 by just a point and another kid failing just one subject but in a very big way) caused the first mentioned child to roll around on the floor screaming and crying for OVER AN HOUR. This set off Noah, who is doubly cursed not only with a sensitive heart but  auditory issues, as well. He can’t stand to see someone upset and he can’t stand to see them cry. This made HIM cry and he proceeded to scream, bawl, and bang his head for a mighty long time. And the child who is failing only one class didn’t get upset at all. In fact, this child bragged to the other child that she’s only failing ONE class and he’s failing TWO and la-di-da-di-da, that means you’re stupid and I’m not.

At this point, Sim looked at me and said,

“Is that what it’s like every night??”

And because I’m desperately trying to watch the words that come out of my mouth, my body went into some weird involuntary movements that could only best be described as a massive eye roll and a smirk. And if it’d been 1989, my helping of eye rolls and smirks would have been dished up with a whopping side of “DUH!”. But it’s not 1989 and as I’m desperately trying to watch the words that come out of my mouth, all Sim got was the behavior of a 12 year old child.

And, since Sim really is the most awesome guy that ever walked the face of the earth, he looked at me and said,

‘You know what? You need to just get out! Go!”

which I took to mean,

“Leave these premises immediately and go have some fun before I change my mind!”.

 And before I could even protest, “But Dave Ramsey doth sayeth…”, Sim pushed me out the door and my Mental Health Day began!

I ended up calling my friend Deedra, who also has 3 kids, 2 adopted, and 1 with Aspergers (and who was in desperate need of a MHD, too) and we decided to go to the movies.

I wanted to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green, but then she told me the kid dies at the end and I was all like,

“Oh, hell no!. My Mental Health Day is not going to end with me blubbering into my Kleenex like a depressed fool. I deal with 7 shades of tears on a daily basis. No thank you!”

And I suggested that new Clint Eastwood/Amy Adams movie, but she was all like,

 “Uh, doesn’t Clint Eastwood get dementia or something? I just can’t handle that right now.”

Because her sweet daddy has advanced Parkinson’s and her Mental Health Day would have turned into a Mental Breakdown, so we skipped that one, too.

Finally, we decided on the new Bourne movie. Neither of us was truly psyched to see it becase, really, how can you have a Bourne movie without Jason Bourne? But it was that or some movie called Dredd and we knew that wasn’t our cup of tea. So we walked in, bought our popcorn and sat down.

Y’all, we LOVED it! And yes, that exclamation mark at the end of the sentence is punctuated with a huge cheerleader squeal.

I guess because we live in a small town and the movie’s been out for awhile now, we were the only ones in the theater. Which meant we had the ENTIRE place to ourselves! We put our feet up on the seats in front of us and screamed and yelled at the screen and hid our face in suspense and cheered and jeered until the end credits rolled.

It. Was. Awesome!

There was no one to tell us to quit kicking the back of their seat. No one to turn around and hiss, “Shhh!”. And I think I even saw Deedra break out her phone once or twice to send a couple of text messages in the middle of the film.

And we got to scream at the screen and say things like, “Look behind you!!” “Noooo…. You idiot! RUN!!!” “Omigosh! Omigosh! Omigosh", and the all important, "Kiss her! Kiss her, you fool!"

And after we had our fun yelling at the screen, we sat there and pondered out loud the two questions that every woman who has seen the movie  pondered at one point or another…

1. Why hasn’t Ed Norton removed that mole yet?

And

2. Is Jeremy Renner really hot enough to play the lead role in a Bourne movie?

And after a spectacular fight scene where he slides down the wall in an alleyway and singlehandedly takes on five Filipino policeman without breaking a sweat, we both decided that he could totally call us maybe.

And then we went home. And the kids were asleep and it was all nice and quiet and the house was a complete tip with dishes everywhere and popcorn strewn about the floor and Sim looked so cute and disheveled from having to deal with 4 tired and wired kids at bedtime that I just loved him even more.

And when I told him that I thought that I needed a Mental Health Day at least once a week, he was too tired to protest.

And, THAT, my friends is what I call a  good Progress Report.