Back to the Beginning....

I don't know why I have such a hard time blogging about what's going on. If you see me in person and ask me how I'm doing... well, I could very well bend your ear for hours. But to actually sit down and formulate my thoughts into words (when my thoughts are usually a million miles a minutes) and then type it up... I just find it hard.

I like my blog posts to have some sort of cohesiveness going on... and these RAD posts are all over the place. Plus, my thoughts and feelings and just everything changes minute to minute. I'm constantly learning and things are constantly changing. What I write today might not be the same tomorrow.

However, I guess I do owe you all an explanation of how we realized that Nandi has an attachment disorder. I haven't quite explained that yet.

About 6 weeks ago, Sim and I were sitting in bed and just talking about how "different" Nandi is and we started listing all the things she does. Things that other kids don't seem to do. Like, she seems as if she wants to get in trouble all the time. As if she thrives on it. If we're super nice to her, she gets mad. If we yell at her, she then seems to love us more. It's odd... extremely odd. And she would get so jealous of everyone and everything and purposely destroy her siblings artwork and just be downright destructive. I mean, the list went on and on.

The next morning I sat down to read my blogs and checked on a blog that I hadn't read in a long time. It happened to be that the mom had just posted THIS POST and it just clicked with me.

"Holy cow, that's Nandi!"

(Okay, just realized that the link won't work. It does take you to the blog - so then scroll down to the March archives. It's the post titled "RAD").

So, then I emailed Christine - RAD guru and just plain awesome person - and I pretty much threw an online temper tantrum. I don't want this. I didn't sign up for this. I can't handle this. blah blah blah

But Christine talked me down from the ledge and led me to an incredible amount of sources.

Then, because the school had already been sending home notes about Nandi's behavior, I figured I'd better let them in on it. I was really nervous about letting them know about it, but I went ahead and printed off THIS LETTER and, let me tell you, it made all the difference.

(BTW, we had already suspected RAD earlier on, but we were floatin' down the river of Denial.... and finally docked our little boat.)

Nandi's teacher later told me that she couldn't believe how much the letter fit Nandi to a T. It really helped explain a lot of her behavior at school and I think they realized now why I always seemed so rushed and crazed when I would drop her off or pick her up.

So then we started reading books and listening to tapes and doing Webinars on RAD. And all these different philosophies just threw me for a loop.

I will say, I hated Beyond Consequences. I hated that book with a passion. I found it arrogant and trite. Yes, it did make sense. But the constant bashing of traditional therapies (and I mean constant - as in, every other page, constant) really irritated me.

BUT... .and this is a big but... I love love love their daily reflections. Major hi-five to Christine for hooking me up with that (and putting up with my rant about the book). Seriously, I love them. It really helps put things in perspective.

BTW, can anyone even think the word "Daily Affirmation" without thinking of those hilarious SNL sketches? "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!" Awww, back in the day.. when SNL was actually funny.

Anyway.... see, now my train of thought is derailing..... and I'm short on time and have to rush this.

Quickly.... basically I was trying to implement all these different parenting techniques.. like, not lose control. Don't let them see you get irritated because it gives them control - yada yada yada. But, I was literally getting beaten up.

"Oh, I see you just bit me. Honey, if you're hungry, why don't you tell me. A peanut butter sandwich would taste much better than Mommy's arm."

And while I thought I was being clever and would pride myself on not losing control, it was ticking her off even more. This no reacting business basically ticked her off and she kept biting and hitting and scratching until I'd finally snap. This cycle went on for weeks.

Okay, yikes!!! I just looked at the time. I HAVE to go. We have to be in Dallas for 10:00 and then back to town for swim lessons. And I must take a shower this morning. I cannot go to the pool looking like a hairy ape woman and smelling like the bottom of someone's shoe. I literally can't finish this post.

It was getting too long anyway.

So, I'll finish tonight. Think of it as a TO BE CONTINUED........