Dangerous Surrender - Part II
Yesterday I blogged about reading Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren and how it terribly moved me and made be want to be Seriously Disturbed and Gloriously Ruined. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you'll have to read yesterday's post).
I wasn't quite finished with my blog, but had to stop to make dinner - which was already half an hour late.
Yep. As I was sitting and contemplating on how to save the world, I forgot about the hungry mouths in my own home.
Sigh.
I know that I'm already in the midst of God's will for my life. God has blessed us with THE most amazing 3 children in the world - each with their own needs, quirks, and personalities. They are wonderful. And maybe that's just where I need to be right now. Maybe my Dangerous Surrender was giving up my old life for my new life. And maybe my dangerous surrender is raising a child with autism - not a child who has recovered from autism. And maybe God's plan is for me to raise our children so that they can make the most wonderful difference in the world. Maybe God's plan is just for me to the their mom.
I don't know. I really don't know.
I know that we can't go out on the mission field. Number 1: we are nowhere even minutely near being spiritually equipped to do that. We're still beginners. And Number 2: we can't take Noah to very many countries because we can't vaccinate him.
Sim can't quit his job and do what he really loves - which would be going to third world countries and setting up sustainable communities. He is completely in love with The Roundabout Project - but he can't quit his job because we need the health insurance.
But if God told him to quit his job.. .could he dangerously surrender and do it? Could we vaccinate Noah if God told us, too?
Ugh. I don't even want to think about it. I'm not sure I could.
Isn't that awful?
There's a little girl that I've been thinking about - for a looooong time - who is available for adoption. I'm hoping that God has placed her in my heart simply to pray for her. Sim will kill me for even mentioning it. My parents will have a heart attack for even contemplating it. And our friends will say, "Honey, you are nuts. GET OFF those waiting child websites". And the thing is, I don't think we're meant to adopt her... at least I hope not. How horrible is that? To hope that God doesn't want us to adopt a certain child. And do you know why I don't want to do it? It's not because she has cerebral palsy or that she's too close in age to Nandini. It's because she's been with the same caretaker for over 2 1/2 years (since birth) and she is extremely attached to her. And I don't think my heart can handle the grieving that she'll go through.
Now how selfish is that? Here's a little girl that desperately needs a family and access to therapies, but I don't want to do it because it'll hurt my heart? Geez Louise. That's just really bad, isn't it?
Honestly, I don't think she's meant for us - or is it that I'm too afraid to let my mind go there. I do think she's too close in age to Nandini - and even though it would take at least 9 -12 months before she would come home, I don't think it's in Nandini's best interest to adopt again so soon... especially a child who appears to be so similar in personality.
But the truth is... it would be too much work. It would be too uncomfortable. It would be too heartbreaking. It would be too tiring. And I don't think I could handle it right now.
But what if God wants us to adopt her? Wouldn't his grace be enough to sustain us and help us through? How can I say that I want to dangerously surrender to God's will when in my head, I don't want to really listen to what He has to say in case it brings me out of my comfort zone?
Are we meant to live cushy, comfy lives or are we meant to make a difference in the world? I'll have the whole of eternity to live a glorious, cushy, comfy live. Shouldn't I spend my time on earth doing what God wants -even if it's difficult?
I'm not writing all this to say that we're going to adopt again. But I'm writing this to say how difficult it is to actually give in or even contemplate or even ask God what his will for your life is. Because what if it's not what you want? But, yet, I think of all those years I spent - on my own - trying to recover Noah... and how much more peace I have since I gave up and just handed it over to God. So, even though I know what's right, I still find myself resisting.
Boy, this blog post is going all over the place, isn't it?
Anyway, the point I guess, is that we'll keep praying that we'll be open to God's will and that we'll be able to do whatever He wants. In the meantime, we're going to raise our family - continue to pray for this little girl - and do what we can about the issues that concern us. If we're concerned about sweatshop clothes, then we need to buy Fair Trade or not buy at all.
But what about buying thrifted or used clothing. Does that count?
If we're concerned about the environment, we need to to continue to recycle and use non-toxic cleaning agents. We need to buy as organic as we can. We need to teach our kids about feeding the earth by composting and helping out local communities by buying local.
If we're concerned about child trafficking, we need to write to our local legislators. I've never even done that. Will it make a difference, I don't know. But it won't hurt to try.
There are so many things we can do here at home. We can write letters. We can sponsor children. We can send packages to orphanages. We can donate our time. And don't forget about the needs here, too. There are homeless shelters that need food. There are school children who need tutoring. Everyone can something, right?
But I can't end this entry without providing a link to the little girl that I mentioned above. If anyone is interested, please read about her. She has been waiting so long - and she deserves to have a loving family. She deserves to have a future that is full of potential.
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ChildInfo.aspx?id=1171
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=95
Leslie
I wasn't quite finished with my blog, but had to stop to make dinner - which was already half an hour late.
Yep. As I was sitting and contemplating on how to save the world, I forgot about the hungry mouths in my own home.
Sigh.
I know that I'm already in the midst of God's will for my life. God has blessed us with THE most amazing 3 children in the world - each with their own needs, quirks, and personalities. They are wonderful. And maybe that's just where I need to be right now. Maybe my Dangerous Surrender was giving up my old life for my new life. And maybe my dangerous surrender is raising a child with autism - not a child who has recovered from autism. And maybe God's plan is for me to raise our children so that they can make the most wonderful difference in the world. Maybe God's plan is just for me to the their mom.
I don't know. I really don't know.
I know that we can't go out on the mission field. Number 1: we are nowhere even minutely near being spiritually equipped to do that. We're still beginners. And Number 2: we can't take Noah to very many countries because we can't vaccinate him.
Sim can't quit his job and do what he really loves - which would be going to third world countries and setting up sustainable communities. He is completely in love with The Roundabout Project - but he can't quit his job because we need the health insurance.
But if God told him to quit his job.. .could he dangerously surrender and do it? Could we vaccinate Noah if God told us, too?
Ugh. I don't even want to think about it. I'm not sure I could.
Isn't that awful?
There's a little girl that I've been thinking about - for a looooong time - who is available for adoption. I'm hoping that God has placed her in my heart simply to pray for her. Sim will kill me for even mentioning it. My parents will have a heart attack for even contemplating it. And our friends will say, "Honey, you are nuts. GET OFF those waiting child websites". And the thing is, I don't think we're meant to adopt her... at least I hope not. How horrible is that? To hope that God doesn't want us to adopt a certain child. And do you know why I don't want to do it? It's not because she has cerebral palsy or that she's too close in age to Nandini. It's because she's been with the same caretaker for over 2 1/2 years (since birth) and she is extremely attached to her. And I don't think my heart can handle the grieving that she'll go through.
Now how selfish is that? Here's a little girl that desperately needs a family and access to therapies, but I don't want to do it because it'll hurt my heart? Geez Louise. That's just really bad, isn't it?
Honestly, I don't think she's meant for us - or is it that I'm too afraid to let my mind go there. I do think she's too close in age to Nandini - and even though it would take at least 9 -12 months before she would come home, I don't think it's in Nandini's best interest to adopt again so soon... especially a child who appears to be so similar in personality.
But the truth is... it would be too much work. It would be too uncomfortable. It would be too heartbreaking. It would be too tiring. And I don't think I could handle it right now.
But what if God wants us to adopt her? Wouldn't his grace be enough to sustain us and help us through? How can I say that I want to dangerously surrender to God's will when in my head, I don't want to really listen to what He has to say in case it brings me out of my comfort zone?
Are we meant to live cushy, comfy lives or are we meant to make a difference in the world? I'll have the whole of eternity to live a glorious, cushy, comfy live. Shouldn't I spend my time on earth doing what God wants -even if it's difficult?
I'm not writing all this to say that we're going to adopt again. But I'm writing this to say how difficult it is to actually give in or even contemplate or even ask God what his will for your life is. Because what if it's not what you want? But, yet, I think of all those years I spent - on my own - trying to recover Noah... and how much more peace I have since I gave up and just handed it over to God. So, even though I know what's right, I still find myself resisting.
Boy, this blog post is going all over the place, isn't it?
Anyway, the point I guess, is that we'll keep praying that we'll be open to God's will and that we'll be able to do whatever He wants. In the meantime, we're going to raise our family - continue to pray for this little girl - and do what we can about the issues that concern us. If we're concerned about sweatshop clothes, then we need to buy Fair Trade or not buy at all.
But what about buying thrifted or used clothing. Does that count?
If we're concerned about the environment, we need to to continue to recycle and use non-toxic cleaning agents. We need to buy as organic as we can. We need to teach our kids about feeding the earth by composting and helping out local communities by buying local.
If we're concerned about child trafficking, we need to write to our local legislators. I've never even done that. Will it make a difference, I don't know. But it won't hurt to try.
There are so many things we can do here at home. We can write letters. We can sponsor children. We can send packages to orphanages. We can donate our time. And don't forget about the needs here, too. There are homeless shelters that need food. There are school children who need tutoring. Everyone can something, right?
But I can't end this entry without providing a link to the little girl that I mentioned above. If anyone is interested, please read about her. She has been waiting so long - and she deserves to have a loving family. She deserves to have a future that is full of potential.
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ChildInfo.aspx?id=1171
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=95
Leslie
Comments
Jesus gave us the example of what it means to live dangerous. I believe, that it means living life on purpose, and to fulfill the mission of using our lives to confront the culture,and point them to God, helping them to discover they were created for His glory. By doing that we also reveal Him to others and He is glorified.
Jesus indeed paid a God sized price on the cross for us all, but that act didn't save the world. The salvation of the world is being done still, one day at a time and one person at a time. It is a work the He has invited us to join into and as you state...it is dangerous business and definitely demands the ruin and utter destruction of our own will in exchange for His.
I'm glad to know dangerous and ruined people like you and Sim and proud to have you as friends. Oh yeah, and by the way, welcome to the mission field. :)