Our Evening of Gluttony
Sim and I are just sitting here - not quite believing what we just did. It all started with my trip to the Dollar Tree. You see, I took Eli to the church Christmas musical rehearsal (you know, the musical that he refuses to perform in, so we end sitting there watching all the other kids sing and be obedient and nice and all) - and since Noah and Nandini stayed home with Sim - and since I rarely go out anywhere with one kid, I decided that we should stop off at Dollar Tree.
You know, because everything's just a dollar and I really do think that it was created with me in mind.
So, we get to the Dollar Tree - not really expecting to buy anything - and I spot Santa hats, and I couldn't pass them up because, of course, they were just a dollar. Plus, my friend Amy posted a picture on her blog that featured her two youngest kids making peanut butter balls and wearing Santa hats. And because I strive to be like Amy, I decided that I would buy my kids Santa hats, too. Well, I actually bought Nandini one of those reindeer antler thingamajigs that you put on your dog, but she's really into headbands and she would never know the difference. AND, ever since Eli saw pictures of Mya and Aleigha making peanut butter balls while wearing Santa hats, I had promised Eli that we could do it, too. Thankfully, you can buy anything in the world at Dollar Tree and they had those hats. And did I mention they were only a dollar?
Well, we're standing in line with our Santa hats and reindeer dog ears when to my left I spot the most glorious sight on earth. Boxes and boxes of Toffifay candies. The most wonderful and amazing candy in the world.
Now, let me give you a bit of history with my obsession for all that is the Toffifay. Back when I was 19, I was living and going to school in England. And every time I came back home, I would go the duty free shop at London Gatwick and buy a box of Toffifay candy. To quote the box, it's "A Whole Hazelnut in Chewy Caramel with Chocolate Hazelnut Filling and Chocolate. All your favorites in one."
Need I say more?
Every single time I came home, I would buy a box and it would make that 9 hour flight worth it. I'm sure my parents thought I came home to see them, but really, it was all about my Toffifay. Which, I'm sure I could buy anywhere, but I always associated it with the airport, so that's the only time I bought them. Even after I graduated and moved back to Texas, Sim and I would go back to England every year (this was B.K - before kids - i.e. back before we were flat broke) and I would buy my Toffifay and the world just seemed like a better place.
So, you can imagine the sheer thrill I had when I saw that beautiful carmel covered box with the beautiful white writing across the front and the lovely picture of caramel chocolate discs with solid hazlenuts next to them. I immediately snatched up a box.
Now, I know myself well enough to know that any box would not be safe in my house and would enter my small intestines within minutes, so I exercised extreme self control and only picked up one box. Then, I figured.. .well, it's a sign. It's meant to be. I must buy another. So, I asked Eli to grab another box and he brought back two and I didn't have the heart to correct him and let him know that his math skills are horrible. After all, since we homeschool, I am his teacher and I had to accept with shame the fact that he can't tell one apart from two. So, I did what any decent mother would do and said, "That's right, baby. You bring Mama those two boxes." And with that, we paid our money and walked out into the bright sunlight.
Well, as fate would have it, he fell asleep in the car and when I got home, I discovered that the other two were asleep. All 3 asleep at the same time!!! With excitement in my voice, and glee that we wouldn't have to share our Toffifay with the children, I told Sim of my wonderful discovery at the Dollar Tree and with a flourish, I whipped a box out of the sack and said, "Look! Toffifay!" Now, Sim is a calm, laid-back guy. Never gets mad... never gets too happy. Just smooth and calm. But his eyes lit up with excitement and with exuberant gusto, he exclaimed,
"Rip those babies open!"
So, with the fervent desire of a young couple on their wedding night, we ripped off the plastic, threw open the box and bit into a little slice of wonderful. And it was. Wonderful.
If either one of us smoked, I'm fairly certain we would have both reached for a cigarette.
But we don't, so we just leaned back in our chairs and smiled with contentment.
Then I went to check my email and a few minutes later with a hint of shame and panic, I heard Sim utter the most awful words ever...
"They're all gone"
He had eaten the box. My (I mean, our) box of Toffifay. Gone.
Now, we have an equal partner marriage. What's mine is his is our's is their's... or however the saying goes. So, to be equal, I felt I had no choice but to eat the second box. And now we're both sitting here with massive tummy aches arguing over who gets to use the clean bathroom and who is stuck with the kids' toilet. And, that, my dear friends, is nasty.
So, like every year around this time, we make New Year's Resolutions that we will never do this again and that I am banned from Dollar Tree (and after Christmas, I usually get banned from Target and Walmart, too) and I can never ever ever ever buy anything that contains sugar, nuts, or chocolate ever again. And we learned the hard way that spending a dollar on a box of chocolates is not that great of a bargain when you end up having to pay $50 for a copay to the Emergency Room to get your stomach pumped. Which hopefully, it won't get to that point.
But a bottle of Pepto and a thing of Tums will knock ya back about $7.50 - so it wasn't that great of a deal was it?
Except that I don't get to go to London Gatwick anymore, so I had to have my once a year Toffifay fill and know I'm satisfied.
And now, I'm off to make peanut butter balls for the kids - wearing a Santa hat and carrying around a belly that wiggles like a bowl of jelly. Because I promised them.
But I will not eat a single one - because I'll get sick. Absolutely sick.
The End.
P.S. Simeon has noticed that this blog has majorly digressed from being about "Recovering Noah". And now, after blogging for awhile about the rest of the family, I'm beginning to wonder if Noah is the only normal one in the bunch. I think he might be.
Leslie
You know, because everything's just a dollar and I really do think that it was created with me in mind.
So, we get to the Dollar Tree - not really expecting to buy anything - and I spot Santa hats, and I couldn't pass them up because, of course, they were just a dollar. Plus, my friend Amy posted a picture on her blog that featured her two youngest kids making peanut butter balls and wearing Santa hats. And because I strive to be like Amy, I decided that I would buy my kids Santa hats, too. Well, I actually bought Nandini one of those reindeer antler thingamajigs that you put on your dog, but she's really into headbands and she would never know the difference. AND, ever since Eli saw pictures of Mya and Aleigha making peanut butter balls while wearing Santa hats, I had promised Eli that we could do it, too. Thankfully, you can buy anything in the world at Dollar Tree and they had those hats. And did I mention they were only a dollar?
Well, we're standing in line with our Santa hats and reindeer dog ears when to my left I spot the most glorious sight on earth. Boxes and boxes of Toffifay candies. The most wonderful and amazing candy in the world.
Now, let me give you a bit of history with my obsession for all that is the Toffifay. Back when I was 19, I was living and going to school in England. And every time I came back home, I would go the duty free shop at London Gatwick and buy a box of Toffifay candy. To quote the box, it's "A Whole Hazelnut in Chewy Caramel with Chocolate Hazelnut Filling and Chocolate. All your favorites in one."
Need I say more?
Every single time I came home, I would buy a box and it would make that 9 hour flight worth it. I'm sure my parents thought I came home to see them, but really, it was all about my Toffifay. Which, I'm sure I could buy anywhere, but I always associated it with the airport, so that's the only time I bought them. Even after I graduated and moved back to Texas, Sim and I would go back to England every year (this was B.K - before kids - i.e. back before we were flat broke) and I would buy my Toffifay and the world just seemed like a better place.
So, you can imagine the sheer thrill I had when I saw that beautiful carmel covered box with the beautiful white writing across the front and the lovely picture of caramel chocolate discs with solid hazlenuts next to them. I immediately snatched up a box.
Now, I know myself well enough to know that any box would not be safe in my house and would enter my small intestines within minutes, so I exercised extreme self control and only picked up one box. Then, I figured.. .well, it's a sign. It's meant to be. I must buy another. So, I asked Eli to grab another box and he brought back two and I didn't have the heart to correct him and let him know that his math skills are horrible. After all, since we homeschool, I am his teacher and I had to accept with shame the fact that he can't tell one apart from two. So, I did what any decent mother would do and said, "That's right, baby. You bring Mama those two boxes." And with that, we paid our money and walked out into the bright sunlight.
Well, as fate would have it, he fell asleep in the car and when I got home, I discovered that the other two were asleep. All 3 asleep at the same time!!! With excitement in my voice, and glee that we wouldn't have to share our Toffifay with the children, I told Sim of my wonderful discovery at the Dollar Tree and with a flourish, I whipped a box out of the sack and said, "Look! Toffifay!" Now, Sim is a calm, laid-back guy. Never gets mad... never gets too happy. Just smooth and calm. But his eyes lit up with excitement and with exuberant gusto, he exclaimed,
"Rip those babies open!"
So, with the fervent desire of a young couple on their wedding night, we ripped off the plastic, threw open the box and bit into a little slice of wonderful. And it was. Wonderful.
If either one of us smoked, I'm fairly certain we would have both reached for a cigarette.
But we don't, so we just leaned back in our chairs and smiled with contentment.
Then I went to check my email and a few minutes later with a hint of shame and panic, I heard Sim utter the most awful words ever...
"They're all gone"
He had eaten the box. My (I mean, our) box of Toffifay. Gone.
Now, we have an equal partner marriage. What's mine is his is our's is their's... or however the saying goes. So, to be equal, I felt I had no choice but to eat the second box. And now we're both sitting here with massive tummy aches arguing over who gets to use the clean bathroom and who is stuck with the kids' toilet. And, that, my dear friends, is nasty.
So, like every year around this time, we make New Year's Resolutions that we will never do this again and that I am banned from Dollar Tree (and after Christmas, I usually get banned from Target and Walmart, too) and I can never ever ever ever buy anything that contains sugar, nuts, or chocolate ever again. And we learned the hard way that spending a dollar on a box of chocolates is not that great of a bargain when you end up having to pay $50 for a copay to the Emergency Room to get your stomach pumped. Which hopefully, it won't get to that point.
But a bottle of Pepto and a thing of Tums will knock ya back about $7.50 - so it wasn't that great of a deal was it?
Except that I don't get to go to London Gatwick anymore, so I had to have my once a year Toffifay fill and know I'm satisfied.
And now, I'm off to make peanut butter balls for the kids - wearing a Santa hat and carrying around a belly that wiggles like a bowl of jelly. Because I promised them.
But I will not eat a single one - because I'll get sick. Absolutely sick.
The End.
P.S. Simeon has noticed that this blog has majorly digressed from being about "Recovering Noah". And now, after blogging for awhile about the rest of the family, I'm beginning to wonder if Noah is the only normal one in the bunch. I think he might be.
Leslie
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