Gratitudes

I'm worried my post from yesterday turned into a big 'ol whine fest. So, I'm trying to dig myself out of the funk I've been in lately by realizing how blessed we are...

1. We may be up to our eyeballs in debt, but at least we have a roof over our head, food to eat, and air conditioning to keep us cool.  AND Sim and I are in agreement that we have to break down this mountain and we're slowly chipping away at it one penny at a time.

2. Noah may not qualify for SSI, but we are blessed to have been able to provide therapies for him for the last 10 years. He's never gone without and I'm so thankful that we've been in a position to give him what he needs.

3. N &E may have explosive tempers, but they both also have very sweet sides, are wonderful with Noah and Naveen, and we are very fortunate that their tempers are no longer violent.

4. Nandi's at Math & Reading camp this week through our local elementary school and it means we're all up, dressed, teeth brushed, fed and out the door by 7.45. I love being back on a schedule!

5. I have mountains of laundry to wash and fold, but how can I complain when there are so many people who have nothing?

6. We have been abundantly blessed with hand-me-downs and new clothes for Naveen and Nandi. Thank you Jeanie, Jennifer, Lisa, and Emily for thinking of us!

7. We may only have a grocery/diaper/dog food budget of $100 a week for a family of 6 (with food allergies), BUT there are people in the world surviving off 30 cents a day. We have never gone hungry. Never.

Ever.

And we always manage. Always. It's hard, but at least we have that $100 to spend.

8. I'm thankful for parents who live nearby who let me "borrow" rolls of toilet paper when we run out and who let us eat at their place once a week. (And who load my kids up on "the good stuff" when they start feeling deprived.)

9. Sometimes I throw myself a pity party because Sim is gone 12-14 hours a day, but I'm so thankful he has a job to go to, that pays well, and allows me to stay home. Geesh, why am I complaining? I'm also blessed that we're a double parent household and that he does come each night. I know that I'm very lucky.

10. I'm so fortunate that Noah's autism, though considered severe, is a mild form of severe. He's not violent. He's so sweet and gentle. He sleeps through the night (for the most part) and we are so so so blessed.

11. Naveen pees about every 20 minutes. He is constantly peeing. I found myself getting frustrated from constantly taking him to the toilet, but then I thought, you know what? I should be grateful that he pees so much. He has one working kidney and even that one's not at full capacity. How blessed we are that Naveen's kidney is working so well.

12. I also found myself getting frustrated at Eli's incessant talking. He.Never.Stops.Talking.Never.Ever.Ever and I'm a person who thrives on peace and quiet. The other day I actually said, 'Will you please stop talking?!" And it occurred to me that I constantly pray that Noah will start talking and here I am begging my very verbal kid to stop. Wrong attitude.

13. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by Naveen's clinginess. He becomes hysterical if I leave the house or if we go to my parents because he thinks I'm going to leave them there. He's fine when it's just us alone at home, but once Sim comes home, Naveen follows me like a little puppy everywhere I go. He's terrified I'll leave. But I am so thankful that he's bonded to me and that he's so attached to me and that he feels so secure with me. Just remind me of this when I'm on here in a few months complaining that I ended up having to get a pap smear with Naveen sitting in a stroller in the corner. Do you think they let three year olds come back when you get a mammogram?

14. Naveen may have parasites, but at least we have the medicine to fix them. There are so many people in other parts of the world who have to watch their children whither away from something that could be cured with a simple pill. We are blessed beyond measure!

Plus, I'm so thankful I've never opened up a diaper full of worms. *gag* No, really. I've just caused myself to gag. I have a terribly vivid imagination.

Okay, so there's more, but now I'm starting to feel embarrassed about all my whinging yesterday. I feel so selfish in reading these. But maybe every now and then I do need to set my pride aside and realize how blessed I am. I think I see the light more clearly when I write it all down and it's just sitting there staring back at me. It ain't pretty, that's for sure. But it does help me recognize that I need to change my way of thinking. Pity parties are great. For about 5 minutes. And then it's time move on.

So for today, I'm going to be thankful that Nandi's at Math & Reading camp. I have some free time to tackle chores. We have a pool for the kids to cool off in. We have a fabulous Occupational Therapist to work with the kids this afternoon. I have a husband who will be home in 11 and a half hours, and there's food in the fridge.

It's gonna be alright.

Comments

Miche said…
Hugs!! You are doing a great job, and don't worry, even those of us with the best of situations have moments of complaining; it would be unnatural to never complain! And usually for me, as it seems for you, once we get off our chest our complaints, we do usually find ways to see the blessings in all the things bugging us :) Don't worry, get it all off your chest and vent-better to do it here than anywhere else. Here you can just ignore any negative feedback :) Take care and hugs!
Kristen said…
Leslie I laughed out loud at #13 hilarious! But, sometimes I think when we complain, it helps us put things back into perspective. So I completely get it :) I also think it's healthy to allow yourself to be honest with your feelings and struggles. I know that I will have challenges ahead of me and I TRULY appreciate your transparency. When I'm struggling it's nice to know that others have been there, done that, and moved forward so THANKS for being open and honest about EVERYTHING that comes along with adoption! You are a blessing to me!
(((hugs)))
Kristen
Blessed said…
Hi Leslie. I comment occassionally, so might have said this before: I find I stop reading the blogs of moms who are perfect. They end up leaving me feeling so inadequate and a little gyped, like I invested in learning about their families but never got to meet the "real" them, esp. the "real" mom. Whom I might consider a blog friend if she would only let me past the shiny happy exterior. ; )

You are not that woman. You are my favorite kind of blogger--someone who is real, who can admit the hard stuff, the imperfections, and then turn it around and do something positive with it. I'm so glad you were reminded of blessings--I've been having to make myself do the same thing recently, and I don't have it nearly as rough as you! So hearing your life these days does make most of us feel better about our own lives--so, thanks! (usually I'm the one doing that for my blog readers. ; )

So, thank yoy for being real--you are ministering to your blog readers when you do. I hope the debt goes quickly, and that you are able to keep focusing on your blessings throughout.
Peter and Nancy said…
I'm going to echo what others are saying -- it truly helps me breathe a big sigh of relief when I find out not everyone floats through adoption or adding a new child to the mix. I struggled with different things when each of our three kids entered our home, and I was so hard on myself because I thought I was the only one who did.

I also love your decision to remind yourself of all the blessings that coexist alongside the difficulties -- that is part of maturity -- but it's absolutely okay to be honest.

And you get bonus points for using the British word "whinging." :o)
Nancy
Colista said…
Love this post too, but I really liked yesterdays as well....you were being real, and you really aren't the whiny type. :o) Just sayin'... you didn't come across that way.

You're right...your cup (er, hands) are running over with blessings, and I love that you take a different twist on your blessings that some could perceive as burdens.
Love to you.
And some prayers too. :D

p.s. don't forget, you are ALLOWED to be real. don't feel guilty. :)
No Greater Love said…
I heart you when you are in the dumps, and I heart you when you on top of the world. You're wonderful either way, my friend.
Emma Hamstra said…
Thanks for being real and being you. I am so encouraged by your 'whining' because I know someone else feels that way sometimes and I'm not just some horrible ungrateful person. Agree, we get a pity party every now and then but then move on. Seeing our blessing written out in black and white makes a HUGE difference. Good thinking :)
S.T.S. said…
I love your blog. I love how you put it all in perspective again... :-)
Hannah_Rae said…
Leslie,

I loved this post because it was so real. It reminds me of Corrie and Betsy Tenboom trying to be thankful for everything at the Ravensbrook concentration camp. Corrie couldn't think of how she could ever be thankful for the fleas that infested their over-crowded barracks, but then they found out that the reason the gaurds stayed away, therefore allowing them to share the Word of God, was because of the fleas.
Very good reminders, Lady! I think I might follow suit.

Blessings!

Hannah
Brad and Renae said…
Leslie -
It's ok to complain - the Lord knows your heart anyway without you even saying it. But he also knows the heart you have and love you have for your husband and children. I think sometimes it helps just getting things off our chest. You do have a hand full, seriously! I can't imagine having all these things going on - but you are strong and determined to make it work. I too love your real posts - and just for some added encouragement, Brad and I did FPU before we were married and paid off over $50K (of which all was my debt!) There is freedom in being debt free! Hang in there -- with much is given and with much is expected... the Lord will continue to grow you, and be by your side during it ALL :)
He loves you and so do we!
Renae.
Kelly said…
Had to go back and read the other post. Is there not some form of medicaid for Noah? In SC, we have a program for kids who have insurance, but have significant disability. It's based on her income (we even have to report her little savings account), not ours.

Also, you don't sound like you're complaining, you sound overwhelmed. I have 4, 1 special needs, and I'm tired, and girl, your list is a lot longer than mine. Once Naveen falls into line with the rules I'm sure it will work out..... now remind me I said that because we're thinking of adding number 5 through foster/adoption so we'll see if I totally lose it in a few months.
Julie said…
Hi Leslie! Just thinking about you and taking time to read through blogs on my blogroll. As usual, your blog did not disappoint! Thanks for reminding me of the need for a thankful attitude! Tell Eli "hello" from Brett :)
julie

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