Prelude to Meeting Naveen
In the rickshaw on our way to the orphanage to meet Naveen!
(Because we're still waiting for court approval, I have to be careful about posting his pictures on my blog.)
Do you ever wish that you could just start over again? That you could have one more chance at life to make everything right? To soak it all in. To appreciate it. To capture every day, every moment as a snapshot in your mind, so that you'll remember it forever?
I have to be honest, I don't remember much about when the kids were little. Ever since Noah was a year old, his life has been full of therapies and doctors and worry. I look back on when he was was two and I try so hard to freeze those memories so that I can hold onto them forever, but they just seem to slip through my fingers like grains of sand.
I don't remember much at all about Eli's first year home. That was the year that Noah got really sick and I think I've blocked it all out of my mind. And when he was two, we moved in with my parents and, well, that started a whole new way of living for us all. The adult child becoming dependent on the parent again.
Nandini was in an orphanage when she was two, but when she was three, she joined our family and it was.. .well, chaotic! She and Eli are only 13 months apart and they're like oil and water. They can be best friends one minute and mortal enemies the next. The first 2 1/2 years of Nandi being home were just survival years. Things are great now, but I look back and I can't remember much at all.
My mom says that everyone looks back and wishes they did things differently. That's why so many moms get the baby blues when their youngest goes off to kindergarten. When your children are babies, you just wish they'd be older so they'd start sleeping through the night. And when they're two, you wish they were three so that the terrible two's would pass. And then three comes along and you realize the terrible three's are worse than the two's and wouldn't it be great if they were 4 and they could verbalize their wants more clearly and put on their sandals and brush their teeth and play a bit on their own?
And before you know it, they're in school! And they have friends! And they idolize their teachers and they start listening to other people besides just you.
Where did the time go?
I've been really emotional throughout this entire adoption. I think it's because I know this is our last child. This is the last time I'll get a referral picture (aka - the adoption sonogram), the last time I'll be paper pregnant, and the last time I'll get to see all those "firsts" with a little one.
And it has not escaped me how very very very lucky we are to get a second chance.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think we messed up with our other three. I think they're turning out to be wonderful, creative, funny, individuals. But we get a second chance.
I know, in reality, that Naveen is going to grieve. And that grieving is going to be hard. And the nights will be long. And those first six months... oh those first six months. I know I'll be wishing we could skip to the next 6 months. I know what reality is.... but, I can't help but feel so blessed that we get to have a little one again. To experience the last few weeks of having a 2 year old. To celebrate his 3rd birthday. To introduce him to a swimming pool for the first time. To see the smile on his face when he has his first sno-cone or when he holds a puppy for the first time. He'll see his first fireworks with us. His first Halloween. His first Christmas. I can't wait. And I want to enjoy every second of these coming days. I feel better prepared this time around. I know the pain of wishing life away and I'm determined to embrace every moment with our new son.
This adoption happened so fast. It caught us all by surprise. A friend called me and wanted to know if I'd looked at some of the waiting children on our agency's site and I said I hadn't looked in ages because we were through. Our family was complete. This friend had requested a certain child's file and asked me to go and look at his profile on the website, and when I did, it pulled up all of the of the waiting children. And there in the middle of the sea of faces was Naveen. And both Sim and I just knew. We just knew. It wasn't lightening or a giant voice from the heavens telling us, "This is your son!". It was just a feeling of peace and calm and truth. Like a gentle whisper saying, "Yeah. This is him. This is the one."
And then everything happened. We had our paperwork done in record time and then the laws in Ind*a changed. Suddenly, six months after we accepted Naveen's referral, we found out that these new laws in Naveen's province meant that our adoption would cost $10,000 more than we had originally thought. We had no choice but to back out. We were struggling to come up with the initial fees anyway... how could we come up with this extra money? Then we were told that we received a small grant from our adoption agency. Our homestudy agency waived part of their fees. My best friend from high school... her entire family gave up their Christmas and sent us the money they would have spent on presents. It paid for my entire flight to India this last time. My sweet friend, Meredith, knitted hats and sold them and gave us the money. Two people who bought hats added extra money to their check to go towards our adoption fund. And a sweet, sweet friend, who is also adopting, sent us a check that will cover our hotels for our 2nd trip.
Have I mentioned how blessed we are?
It makes me cry thinking about it. It makes me cry to think how selfless the people in our lives are... Sim and I feel so unworthy of it all. It blows us away to think that people would help us like that. And then I get teary-eyed because it's really for Naveen. I mean, this little boy, now has a family. And a future. And the chance to be so much and to do so much. And to think that we almost had to back out... to think that we get to be this little boy's parents.... it's too much sometimes. I can't tell you all about Naveen's past... we don't have court approval yet and it's really a part of his history and I'm not sure I should share it anyway... but God's fingerprints were all over this adoption. This little boy is wanted. We want him so much. And we feel so incredibly blessed/lucky/thrilled to have this second chance. To be his parents and to love him like there's no tomorrow.
And we're determined to soak up every day. Every minute. Every moment. Even when it's hard. We don't ever want to forget how quickly time passes and how lucky we are to be given this chance.
Comments
Jan
Love to you!
Lisa H.