Recovering Noah

Ahhh , here I sit. August 17 th and it's my 37 th birthday - and let me tell you... this year has been a year of reflection. I think I finally started to understand myself this past year. Sounds silly, maybe. I mean how can you live 36 years and not understand yourself... but it's like things just started making sense. My wants, my needs, my personality, my parenting skills, what I can handle and can't handle, letting go, dreaming big.... all of it just started to click this past year. And I don't have all the answers.... I think that's obvious. But I'm starting to feel a bit at peace with myself and who I am. I still worry, though. A LOT. Especially about the kids. Especially about Noah. And I still sometimes mourn the life I thought I was supposed to have... but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. And that's why I thought that on my 37 th birthday I'd write a letter to myself at thirty. Because thirty was a very difficult year in my life. ...

Okay. So, um, we've decided to send Nandi & Eli to public school this year. Eeek ! I know. I know. After all the belly-aching that I did last year and all the reasons I've listed about why Eli would do better being homeschooled and after all the WONDERFUL advice that ya'll gave me about homeschooling.... and I go and do this. How many of you want to smack me upside the head right about now? Oh man. It was a hard hard HARD decision. I mean, if I keep Eli home and put Nandi in school then I know without a doubt that her RAD would flare-up big time. And if I keep them both home then Noah would really suffer. Poor thing has already been ignored practically all summer long. It's easy to ignore him because he's so quiet (literally) and likes to stay in his room. And if I put Nandi & Eli both in school, then Noah would finally get the attention he needs (and maybe get potty-trained!) but Eli would have a miserable time. How do you choose? How do you say, ...